Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 8

In therapy, Remington tells Dr Johnson all about his past week, explaining his relationship with Johnathon and his outburst in group therapy. He says that he wishes he hadn't told everyone that he was raped, but is also relieved to have got it out into the open. These things are always better out than in.

"You seem to be recovering well," the therapist says, to which Remington shakes his head in disagreement.

"I don't think so. I'm still scared of people I don't know I still have flashbacks and nightmares sometimes." What he isn't taking into account is that he is now able to talk about what happened, and that he is willing to accept help, which is a big step from where he was when he came to the hospital. He isn't taking credit for something that he should be really proud of.

The doctor frowns. "Sometimes. You have them sometimes. That's very different from having them every night. You only ever notice the things that need improvement. Sure, you're still scared of people you don't know, but at the same time, you're able to walk down a corridor full of strangers and not have a panic attack. That's something you should be proud of." He notices how the boy is smiling, and that never happened just a month ago. "You used to sit in here and rant at me because you didn't want to be here, and now you sit here and you talk to me, you listen, and take my advice."

Remington finds it hard to accept the words. He doesn't know how to deal with praise. He never heard it when he was with Holly. "That's just one thing. I still don't really talk in group therapy, apart from when I shouted at everyone."

"So what? We can work on that, Remington. Group therapy doesn't work for everyone. You need to start believing in yourself and accepting that you are making huge steps forwards. Accepting it is part of your recovery."

The boy sighs. "Then I'm never going to recover," he mumbles, "can I go now?"

Dr Johnson knows there's no point trying to make him stay. "Alright, but I want you to work on believing in yourself."

Remington nods without really processing what he's being told and stands up. He leaves the room thinking about what the doctor said. What does it matter if he doesn't believe in himself?

The bedroom is empty, so he figures that Johnathon is in the games room playing pool or something. He goes there quiet a lot, unlike Remington, who stays away from people in general. He reads a book for a while and finishes off a song he's been working on, wishing he was able to show it to his brothers and that they could write the music for it, too. He misses making music.

There's still something odd going on that no one has been told about. The doctors seem even more observant and strict that usual. Everyone knows something has happened.

Remington realises that he hasn't seen or heard Hayley since the fire alarm went off, and wonders if she has got something do with the strange atmosphere. There's no point thinking about it.

"Hey, man," Johnathon greets, coming into the room, "you wanna come play scrabble with us?"

The fact that he's even offering makes Remington feel happy. He got so used to being excluded from everything. Holly would make all his decisions for him. "who's us?" He asks, looking up from the book.

"Me, Amber, and Freya." He can see the younger is hesitant about it. "Come one, it'll be fun."

Remington isn't sure that he wants to. What if Amber and Freya remind him of Holly? "Okay," he says quietly, and stands up.

The two make their way down the hall and into the games room, and Johnathon leads the singer over to a table where two girls are sitting. "This is Remington," he introduces.

"That's a cool ass name," one of the says, "hi, I'm Freya." She holds her hand out for Remington to shake. He doesn't move.

"Amber," the other girl says, pushing Freya's hand down. "I think you're scaring him," she whispers, and sends the boy a gentle smile, as if saying that she understands.

Remington smiles in return. "Scrabble, yeah?"

Johnathon opens the box. "Yeah. Here," he says, and hands everyone a stand for the letters. They all take seven letters from the bag and try and decide who goes first.

"I think the youngest person," Freya says, "who's that?" They eventually work out that Amber is the youngest, and so she puts a word down first.

The game flows nicely, as does the conversation, and Remington can't quite believe that he's not terrified by the presence of two unfamiliar women. He learns that Freya had a baby when she was fifteen and her boyfriend at the time took the baby with him and left. She developed depression and came here three years ago for two months, and after she had been let out, tried to kill herself, and so ended up back in hospital.

Amber got addicted to drugs back in secondary school and has been in and out of rehab for more than a year. Her family decided that a hospital was the best place for her, and she couldn't agree more.

And Johnathon has bipolar and terrible anger issues, explaining why he keeps shouting at Remington.

They ask Remington why he's here, and all he says is that he has an abusive ex. He doesn't say anything about being stabbed or raped, and is thankful that Johnathon doesn't say anything about it, either.

"You're in Palaye Royale, right?" Amber asks, and Remington nods. "My older sister loves you. She's obsessed. She saw you last year and hugged you and still talks about it."

Remington isn't sure that it's a good thing that someone here recognises him. He doesn't want the news to get out that he's here. It would destroy his reputation as a rock star. "You can't tell her, or anyone, that I'm here," he says desperately.

"Don't worry, I won't. I'll pretend like I have no idea who you are."

The boy nods. "Thank you."

At dinner tonight, Remington sits with Johnathon, Amber, and Freya, and he's happy. He's made friends and he's talking to women, despite how terrified that used to make him. He won't let Holly control him forever.

And Dr Johnson is right. He is making good progress.