Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 173

Trigger warning

The atmosphere between Emerson and Remington is awkward and uneasy. When Andy told Remington Emerson wanted to talk to him the boy dramatically complained and whined for ten minutes while Andy tried to convince him to give his brother a chance. So here he is, giving his brother a chance.

"So," the singer starts, unsure of what to say or even where to look. "You wanted to talk?'

Emerson nods slowly. "Yeah..."

"Right, so talk." He crosses his arms in a protective, defensive manor, wary of Emerson shouting again.

"I need you to explain to me what it's like."

"Sorry?"

The drummer sighs. "I need you to explain what it's like to be you."

"What? Why?"

"Because I want to understand why you act the way you act."

Remington looks at his rings. "Why I act the way I act? What? So you mean I'm not allowed to act this way?"

Emerson shakes his head with a sigh. "No, I didn't say that."

"Yeah, but if you didn't mind how I acted then you wouldn't need to know why I act that way, so..." He shrugs, playing with his wedding ring and wishing he hadn't given in to Andy's persuasion. "What does it matter to you the way I act?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Great. So why do you need me to explain, then? Or are you just that interested in my fucked up brain that you want to know every little detail?"

It's hard to stay calm with the tone of voice Remington is using. "No, Remington, for God's sake, stop being so dramatic."

"See, there's your fucking problem. Less than a minute into this and you're already insulting me. Do you know how hard that is for me?"

"No, I don't, so tell me."

"Fine. Now shut up and listen." He crosses his legs. "So imagine this for a moment. You're in love with someone. She says she loves you back. You live together and everything is fine. Now imagine what it would feel like for this person to tell you you're useless and that no one loves you and then she hits you and says you deserve it. Imagine that. And now imagine it happening every day for three years and no one else knows." He looks up at Emerson for a second. "So now you're bruised everyday, you have zero self love and self worth, and you're so scared of going home every day that you're having panic attacks that she tells you off for. And you can't talk to anyone about it because she threatens to hurt you more if you do, so you have no one to talk to about it, you're suicidal all the time, and you spend so much time covering your black eyes and bruises that you have no time to do anything else. You can't get away from her because she keeps tabs on you twenty four even and if you talk back to her she hits you, or smashes a glass on the floor and makes you clean it up. And then you use a piece of glass to cut yourself because you feel so hopeless and trapped and you can't talk to anyone." Remington tears up. It's so hard to talk about without crying.

Emerson doesn't know what to say.

"And now imagine it's three years later. You can't hug anyone you don't know because you feel her on you. You're scared of going to sleep sometimes because of the awful nightmares and everytime you start crying you can't stop. You're diagnosed with anorexia and that makes you feel even more useless and helpless and everytime you eat you wanna throw it all up. The only person who makes you feel okay about eating is your husband, who your little brother has a go at one day in a hospital after you collapsed because you relapsed, and you are so sad because your little brother, who's also supposed to be your best friend, just insulted the only person who you feel truly safe with. You close off from your brother because you're scared he's going to say something bad about your husband again and he keeps insulting you and making you feel invalid because of your disorders and so you stop telling him things because of how he makes you feel. He gets mad at you for not telling him things and then when you try to explain he has a go at you for having feelings.

"Now add having a stalker to all of this. You're having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Your husband is attacked and knocked out and you think he's left you because your little brother once said he was surprised your husband was still around. You cut yourself. Now you're forced to go on tour even though you're barely keeping it together and your little brother doesn't talk to you on tour and so you believe he hates you and wants you to die. You're suicidal. The stalker finds you at more than one show and terrifies you. Your little brother doesn't once ask about it. So you're depressed, anorexic, scared, and you finally get to record a song with your idol, but your little brother starts arguing with you in the studio and tells you to kill yourself again and you spend the night crying into your husband's shoulder because he's the only one who seems to care and you think your little brother doesn't give a shit about you. He keeps making you feel bad for how you're feeling and so you don't tell him. Then he makes you feel bad for not talking to him. You hate yourself. And to add to this, your stalker is threatening to kill your therapist if you tell anyone anything about it." The last bit comes out before he realises what he's saying and he clamps a hand over his mouth suddenly, going quiet.

"He's threatening to kill Abigail?"

Remington doesn't know what else no do, so he nods.