Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 39

"Why didn't you tell us?" Emerson asks, sitting by the hospital bed as Remington flicks through a magazine.

The singer shrugs. "Didn't think it was a big deal," he answers, not looking up from the pages.

"It doesn't matter if it's a big deal or not, Remington. If something's wrong, you need to tell us." He sounds so sure about this, and Remington knows he's right. He should have told them. "Look, I know it's hard sometimes, but clearly you were struggling and you should have asked me, or Sebastian, or just someone, for help. We all love you." He looks at the feeding tube taped to his brother's face and sighs. Remington looks so weak, so breakable, and it hurts him to see his best friend like this.

Remington puts the magazine down. "I know I should have, Em, I just-I thought it was under control." He isn'y lying. He really did think he was handling it. "I didn't mean to starve myself," he says, "really, I didn't. I just-I wasn't hungry. I don't want to be this thin, Em, I hate being so bony. I don't know how it got so bad." He messes with the tube on his face. It's irritating.

The younger brother sighs. "Is there something else going on?" He asks, and Sebastian comes in with three cups of coffee and a chocolate bar for Remington.

With a shrug, Remington takes his coffee and chocolate. "I just-" he trails off. It's so stupid. "I'm not enjoying shows," he admits, "not like I used to."

His brother's faces fall. That is the last thing they want to hear. "Oh," Emerson whispers, "not at all?"

Remington shakes his head. "No. I don't get excited about performing. I kinda-I kinda dread it, actually." He sips his coffee. "And if I'm being honest, I want to go home." He feels so stupid for saying it. He should be loving every minute of tour. He used to love every minute of tour. There's a silence. No one really know how to respond to that. Remington wants to go home. What now? Do they cancel the rest of tour and risk losing all their fans, or do they keep going and risk hurting Remington more? They know what Remington would say. Keep going, because the fans are more important than him. But that isn't true. "Don't even think about it," the singer says suddenly, "we will get to the end of tour and I'll be fine, and if I'm not, then-then I'm not. That's it. We are not cancelling any more fucking shows." He opens the chocolate bar and breaks a piece off.

Emerson looks unsure. "Really? You're going to be fine?" He sounds almost like he's accusing Remington of lying about it.

The boy nods. "I'll be fine. I've got you and Andy and Abigail. I'll be fine!" He sounds cheerful, certain. Maybe he really will be okay. Who knows at this point? "You don't believe me, do you?" He asks, offended by his brothers' skeptical looks

Sebastian shakes his head. "No, not really. You're not giving us much to believe in. Everytime you've said you're fine you end up in hospital. I really think you should go home, get on top of your eating and sleeping and tour when you're more stable." He's using that voice that he uses when he needs to be in charge, when his brothers need him to look after them. Whenever he speaks like this, it's pretty much impossible for Emerson or Remington to go against what he's saying, because they know he's right. He is very good at being right.

Remington tries to think of a comeback, but he can't. He knows damn well Sebastian is right. He shouldn't be performing when he can't even eat properly. "But this time it's different," he insists, even though he doesn't even believe that.

"You literally collapsed, Remington, how is this different? You can't look me in the eye and say that you're fine, because you're not! This keeps happening. You keep ending up in hospital, and I'm worried, okay, I'm worried about you. I know what's going to happen. We're going to play a few more shows, you're going to get no sleep, and we'll end up back here because you stopped eating or overdosed or cut a vein, and I can't let that happen! Remington, it is so upsetting seeing you like this and I know I don't tell you this but I sometimes cry when you're not around because I'm so worried about you. I need you to be okay, and at the moment, you aren't. You need to go home." He's nearly in tears. Remington has never seen his big brother so emotional before.

He just stares at the wall opposite him. He didn't realise it was upsetting Sebastian so much. "You-you cry about-about me?" His voice is small. He doesn't know what to say.

The guitarist nods, sips his coffee. "Yes. More often than I'd like to admit. Please, Remington, don't keep doing this to yourself. Go home, marry Andy, eat nice food. Do whatever, just take time to yourself. You need a rest. Touring isn't helping, it's making it worse. Don't you see that?"

How is he always right? "I was trying not to," Remington admits, "Sebby, I love perfomring. It's the only thing I'm good at." He breaks another piece from the chocolate bar.

"Now, that's not true. You're good at so many things. Drawing, painting, writing songs, poetry, makeup. Remington, you could could be anything. Look, this is not us stopping forever. I promise we'll keep making music, and we'll tour again, but only when you're better. We can't keep doing this. It's hurting you more than it's helping you." He looks at Emerson, who nods in agreement. This is something they have to do for their brother's safety.

Remington wants to cry. "You promise on your life we'll tour again when I'm better?" He needs to know, to be sure that this isn't the end.

Both his brothers nod. "I promise on my life we will tour again when you're better. But only then. Okay?"

The boy looks at his lap. He gulps. There's a lump in his throat. "Okay," he whispers, teary, "okay, you're right. I need to go home."

His brothers hug him, assure him it's the right thing to do. He knows it is, it's just hard. Touring has been his life for so many years and now he's giving that up. He's putting himself first, before his fans, before everyone, and that's something he's never done before.

Remington Leith, Emerson Barrett and Seastian Danzig retweeted
Palaye Royale: Friends, family, soldiers - after an emotional conversation in a hospital room, we have come to the mutual decision to stop touring. Not forever, we promise, but until Remington is okay. We know you are all worried about him, specially those who saw him collapse. He is awake and cheerful in hospital. However, touring is not healthy for him at the moment and we're sure you can see this too. Many of you have been commenting about how shows feel different, about how Remington isn't meeting fans after anymore. We apologise for this and we wish we didn't have to do this, but Remington's health comes first. It always will. Touring is proving unhealthy for him and we all need to come together and understand that, as much as it is upsetting, Remington needs to be safe. We will continue writing and recording music and our new album will be released soon, but for now, there will be no live performances. Look out for livestreamed acoustic sets and stay strong. We love you and we are so glad to have you all. Thankyou.