Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 166

Trigger warning :0

All he wanted was for Gerard to sing in one song. He never asked for any of this. And now he sits in the car with his husband and he doesn't know what to say.

It was a bright morning. Remington was so excited. He couldn't stop smiling, making Andy laugh at his childish chatter over breakfast. Andy noticed how he ate the toast without complaining about it. It's been a while since Remington has eaten anything without making a fuss about it first. It made Andy happy to see him coping better this morning.

"You're fucking cute," Andy said, making the younger blush.

Remington poured himself another glass of orange juice. "I might have a heart attack and die because it's Gerard freaking way!"

The man chuckled, taking the bottle of fruit juice from Remington. "Try not to do that."

"I can make no promises."

Sebastian picked him up on the way to the studio, asked how he was and checked he had eaten. "You look cheerful," he observed, still not aware that the singer visited Holly. Remington wouldn't tell anyone.

The boy hummed and nodded. "It's a good day," he said, "where's Em?"

"Shy's dropping him off on the way to a photoshoot."

Remington nodded. "Cool. If he's late I'll murder him."

"He won't be late, bub."

Emerson was late, though. Forty five minutes late, in fact. It made Remington feel like he was wasting Gerard's time and he kept anxiously going to the bathroom and looking at himself in the mirror until he'd analysed every thing he hates about himself.

When Emerson finally turned up, his apology was sincere, but Remington wasn't having it. He was so sick of Emerson's bullshit. He glared at the drummer and wouldn't talk to him, and it was making Sebastian annoyed at both of them. He reminded himself he couldn't snap at Remington and remembered about the whole bathroom situation when he had to get Andy to help, and prayed the two younger brothers would get over their petty drama and focus on what was actually important.

The thing is, though, Emerson letting him down was so important to Remington. It made him feel like Emerson didn't care. The drummer knew damn well how much Gerard singing in this song means to Remington and still he turned up late, as though he didn't give a shit that it would upset Remington. And just because he was cheerful in the morning doesn't mean nothing would upset him. He's still the same fragile, suicidal boy he always is. And he wanted to go home and get a hug from Andy.

Gerard tried not to tune into the way the brothers were looking at eachother. He was confused and not very well informed about them. He was told about Remington's depression and he saw the interview about his abuseive past. But he wasn't told anything about the relatioship he has with his brothers.

After two hours of Remington and Emerson arguing silently, Sebastian had had enough. He spoke up. "You two need to grow up," he said rather firmly.

"You two? I'm not the one who was an hour late!" Remington snapped back.

"It wasn't an hour," the drummer interjected, "stop being so dramatic.'

Remington sighed. "If you call me dramatic one more time-"

"You're gonna cry? What a surprise."

"Emerson, shut up," Sebastian scolded, quickly regretting saying anything about it. He should have known they'd escalate it into a fight.

Sebastian's words floated over them like he never said a thing. "Stop it," Remington said, overly deffensive. "Can't you go one day without insulting me?"

The drummer rolled his eyes. "Just get on with the fucking song."

"We could have finished by now if you weren't so fucking late!"

Again, Sebastian tried to diffuse the situation. "Guys! Get over yourselves! You've got one job to do. Do it!"

"Get over myself? You really think I think that highly of myself that I need to get over myself? Are you dumb? Have you not been here the past years to see me try again and again to fucking die?" He was hurt and felt betrayed and didn't want to admit that he just needed a hug. Sometimes that's all he needs. Andy can always tell. Even when Remington tries to hide it, Andy knows. Why don't his brothers?

Gerard tried to understand what was unfolding before him. He was shocked at how Remington just openly shouted about attempting suicide.

"Oh will you shut your fat fucking mouth for one fucking second?" Emerson shouted back.

The word 'fat' made Remington physically hurt. He regretted breakfast. "Why is everyone having a go at me?"

"Because you're fucking stupid!"

"Woah, Emerson, stop!" Sebastian cut in, "you two need to calm down."

Remington glared at his big brother. "Calm down? Oh yeah! Because it's really that easy! Why didn't I think of that?" He violently picked up the piece of paper with the lyrics on. "Let's just finish this fucking song." His brothers went quiet and he showed Gerard what he wanted for the last chorus; the only thing left to record.

Just as he was finishing explaining, Emerson spoke again. "It's not that fucking complicated!"

Remington turned around. "Oh, I'm sorry, do you wanna do it instead?"

"For fuck's sake, Remington! I'm going home."

"Are you serious?"

Emerson shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be? You're acting so fucking dumb and it's annoying."

The boy kicked the wall. "Well fuck you. Aren't you supportive?"

"You want supportive? Here's supportive. I fucking support your decision to fucking kill yourself! How's that for supportive?" He snatched his jacket from the back of a chair and stormed out.

Remington was still, scarily so. He felt sick, betrayed. That's twice now that Emerson has told him he wants him to kill himself. Twice! He pushed Sebastian back and crumpled up the paper in his hand. "I'm going to jump off a bridge," he said dryly. Sebastian and Gerard couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

"Is he okay?" Gerard asked after Remington slammed the door and disappeared.

The oldest brother shook his head. "I doubt it. There's always something else going on when he gets like this. He'll be calling Andy. I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"No, it's okay. I think I know what he wants me to do. We can still record it, can't we? I don't want him to not have this."

Sebastian smiled. "Yeah, we can record it."

Sebastian was right. Remington was calling Andy. The man seems to be the only person who actually cares at all. "Where are you?" He asked into the phone, trying not to cry.

Andy could hear the sadness. "At home. Are you okay?"

"No."

"Do you want me to come and get you? Do you need a hug?"

Remington felt better just at the sound of his lover's kind voice. "Yes and yes."

And here we are now, Remington sitting in the passenger seat, quiet, not knowing what to say. He rubs his eyes. "Sorry," is the first thing he manages to say, "for making you come get me like I'm some child."

"I'm banning that word from your vocabulary. What happened?"

The boy is quiet again. He doesn't say anything until they're home, where he crawls into Andy's arms and closes his eyes. "Emerson shouted at me again. He called me-he called me fat."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, that's not nice at all. You're not fat."

Remington yawns. "He wants me to kill myself. He literally said it himself." He wipes his eyes and whispers, "twenty six," deciding he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

All he wanted was for Gerard to sing in one song.

All he wants is to be someone else.