Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 60

Triggery trigger warning.

PalayeRoyale: Thankyou for taking down the confession pages. We are glad to find them gone. Please, in future, think about who you're hurting before posting something.

Palaye Royale, Emerson Barrett and Sebastian Danzig shared:
AndyBlack: Hi. It's Remington Leith. I know Many of you are Black Veil Brides fans and don't know who I am, but if you happen to know me, please keep reading. I am sorry. For being the reason Palaye Royale cancelled tours, I am sorry. For not being outside after to meet everyone, I am sorry. For crying in front of many of you, and collapsing outside a venue, I am sorry. For being too tired after shows to hug you, I am sorry. For being the reason Palaye Royale stopped touring, I am sorry.
I wish I could make you all happy, but every time I try I end up in hospital because I tried to overdose again.
I'm just sorry. For everything.

Remington gets Andy to post it for him after the man reads through it. "Are you sure you want them to know you tried to overdose?" He asks, looking at the younger.

"Yeah. They want honesty. I'll give them honesty."

Nodding, Andy posts it, and puts his phone down. "Right. You are not going to look at the comments. I won't let you. I'm taking you out for dinner." He smiles at the boy, who is sat in his lap, straddling him.

"You are?"

The man hums, runs a hand down Remington's back. "Indeed, I am." He plays with Remington's hair and the boy leans into him, chin on his shoulder.

"I love you," Remington whispers, and he means it. He's never meant anything more. "What if they still hate me?" He asks, worried about his fans.

Andy shushes him. "Don't think about it. I need you to promise me something."

Lifting his head up to look at Andy, Remington furrows his eyebrows. "What is it?" His hand is kissed and he hums.

"Promise me that you'll always wake me up if you need me. I know you've been struggling to sleep recently and I hate to see you so tired all the time."

Remington is smiling. "I promise that I'll always wake you up if I need you," he confirms, "and you promise to always help me when I need you?" It has to work both ways, and while Remington doesn't doubt him for a second, reassurance is comforting.

With a nod and a kiss on the cheek, Andy promises he'll always help, and the boy gets off him to stretch his legs. "How'd you sleep last night?" Andy asks, genuinely concerned. Just because he wasn't woken up doesn't mean Remington slept well.

The boy shrugs. "I woke up sometime around four," he mumbles, "and couldn't really go back to sleep properly." He looks down, suddenly ashamed.

"Bad dream?" Andy can never find out something like this and not ask why, because it's important for them both that Remington tells him if something is wrong.

"Kind of," the younger murmurs, "I just felt weird." What he means is that he wanted to hurt himself, but he feels stupid admitting that, even though he knows Andy would never make him feel bad about wanting to harm himself. His brain just fucks everything up and he hates it.

Andy knows there's something more to it but leaves it for now. "I booked a table for seven," he says, changing the subject to ease Remington's mind. "What's the time now?"

Shrugging and yawning, Remington picks up Andy's phone. "Quarter to seven." With the device in his hand, he can't help but to look at the comments under the Tweet he posted on Andy's Twitter, but the man takes the phone from him before he sees them

"No. Stop. No looking. You don't need to."

"But-"

Andy shakes his head. "No, sweetheart. I will change my password if I have to."

Remington whines, but doesn't protest. Andy is right. Looking at the comments will just make him feel worse. He changes into smarter clothes and re-spikes his hair, deciding against makeup because he's noticed how nice and clear his skin is since he stopped frequently using it. They walk to the restaurant holding hands and talking and are shown to a nice table by a large window. Drinks are ordered and they look at the menu. "We should share a platter or something," Remington says cheerfully.

"Sure. You choose something."

"Why'd you bring me here?"

The man smiles. "Because I wanted to, and because you needed cheering up." He looks at his husband fondly. It makes Remington smile, too.

The younger takes Andy's hand in his. "I feel cheered up." His voice is calm now, and he decides he's going to tell Andy the real reason why he couldn't go back to sleep. "I wanted to cut myself," he says rather abruptly, but in a hushed tone. "Last night, I wanted to cut myself."

Andy is glad Remington has told him. He would have worried if the boy never said anything more about. That leads to much worse than just bad dreams and sleepless nights. "Did you do anything?" He has to ask. He hopes that the answer is no, but he still has to ask, because if the answer isn't no, and Remington did hurt himself, it's better that Andy is aware, that he knows to keep an eye out for the signs so that he can prevent it happening again. Because sometimes the line between Remington harming himself and Remington actually trying to kill himself is blurred, and if Andy isn't alert and aware of what the younger is like when he get these urges, then he really could risk losing his sweet husband forever.

Thankfully, Remington shakes his head. "No. I nearly did. I know I should have asked for help but I just-I always feel like a burden."

"Remington, sweetheart, you literally couldn't do anything that would be a burden to me. I love you and I don't give a shit about the time or place, or anything, I will always help you, okay, always." Everytime Andy says 'I love you,' it makes Remington's heart flutter in his chest, like he's hearing it for the first time. He hopes that feeling stays forever.

He hopes Andy stays forever.