Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 47

Trigger warning.

PalayeRoyaleConfessions: Confession no.164: I honestly think it's so immature of them to keep cancelling tours without giving us any warning. Like I get it, Remington's depressed, but why book a tour in the first place if it's just going to be cancelled? I got the tickets for my birthday and I was so excited and now I can't go because it isn't on and I feel so let down by not only the boys, but also by other fans who aren't talking about this. It can't be just be who feels really let down.

PalayeRoyaleConfessions" Confession no.165: In response to the previous confession- I agree completely! They keep booking tours, playing half the shows, and cancelling. At least they could postpone? I've been let down twice now and I don't think I'm even gonna bother buying tickets for their next tour because I can't risk it being cancelled again. I understand it's for Remington's mental heath but I feel that, if he's willing to disappoint so many of us, he should be willing to tell us why! Sure, he collapsed. Loads of people collapse and wake up and they're fine. We don't know what's going on and it sucks! He used to tell his fans everything and suddenly we don't hear from him in days at a time? Idk seems kinda selfish and rude to me.

It's inevitable that Remington sees the confessions. He comes across quite a few confession pages on Instagram because they tag him in all of the posts, which he really doesn't understand, specially when lots of them are insulting him and his brothers. Don't they realise how upsetting the confessions are? He makes the mistake of looking right through the page and reading every single confession, until Andy grabs the phone off him and turns it off. "Stop this," he says firmly, "they miss you and they're not used to you not telling them everything. It's not your fault, Remington, don't keep tearing yourself apart." The man puts the phone down on the side and sits next to his fiancé, who sighs and avoids eye contact.

"I'm deleting social media," he announces suddenly, picking up the phone and turning it back on. "You're right. This is fucking stupid. I'm just gonna delete my Instagram and my Twitter and start new accounts when I'm not about to have a breakdown, because I think that's about to happen." He looks at Andy as he waits for his device to start up again. His heart is beating way too fast.

Cautious and concerned, Andy takes the phone from him again, placing it face down on the coffee table and holding Remington's hands. "Look at me, sweetheart, breathe," he says quietly, watching the boy inhale and exhale slowly. "You need to remember that this is not their business, okay, they have no right to be saying this shit. It's not fair. They have no idea what you've been through. Sure, you talked about it in an interview, but what you said and what really happened is a big difference. They are in the wrong, okay, not you. And it's okay to be hurt by what they're saying but you need to remember that they don't know you, not really, and you don't know them. They don't have a right to be posting things like that." The younger is gripping his hands tightly as he talks, listening to every word he says as though Andy is the wisest person on Earth. To Remington, he is. Andy is quiet for a moment, letting Remington process what he's said, and then goes on. "Petal, I know how brutal comments can get, alright, I've been there. I get rude shit under my posts all the time, but I've learned to deal with it, to remember that whoever is commenting that crap is irrelevant to me. If they aren't here to support and love me then I don't care. I understand how much you love your fans and how close you are with them, but sometimes, baby boy, you need to let it go. If they aren't loving and supporting you then you do not need to be focussing on them. Just let it go."

Remington is looking at his lap and at his hands in Andy's. He pulls them free and stands up. "I can't let it go," he responds, "Andy, I can't!" His eyes are wide, alert, heart thumping against his ribcage the way it would when he was waking with nightmares and hallucinations and flashbacks. It's funny how much these things get to him. He's pacing now, messing with the bandages around his wrists. He wants to pull them off. "Maybe-maybe Holly's right. Maybe I am useless." The words are so tortured and sad and so fucking desperate.

Andy shakes his head firmly, also standing up. "No. Don't you dare believe that. Holly is a monster, and she's wrong." He puts his hands on Remington's shoulder's, steadying him, and talks. "Come for a walk. You need to clear your head and you've been inside all day."

For a few moments, Remington seems to be spaced out, but then he nods, and hugs Andy tightly, trying to calm himself down. "I feel so hated," he admits in the most vulnerable of voices, "I just want everyone to be happy. But every time I try and make them happy I end up so sad. I just-I need them to tell me I'm good enough because it always-it always seems like I'm not." He goes quiet.

Rubbing his back and stroking his hair, Andy responds. "You are good enough. Princess, you do so much for your fans that no other bands even think about and if anyone has the audacity to tell you you're selfish or rude or whoever then that's their problem, not yours. You are the most selfless person I have ever seen, ever!" He feels Remington's body quivering against him.

"Promise?"

Andy pulls back and wipes tears from his lover's pale cheeks. "I promise," he says sincerely, "and I love you."

"You're literally my saviour," Remington tells him, "I fucking love you so much I don't even know how to express it." Though his heart is still thudding and his hands are still trembling, he feels better just knowing that Andy is taking time to calm him down and reassure him when things seem impossible.

Remington has to admit that going outside for a bit does help, and he likes that Andy keeps kissing his hand as they walk. It makes him feel important, needed. He is needed, right?

When they return home, he posts on Twitter and Instagram about why he's deleting his accounts, makes his brother's share it, waits an hour, and then deletes himself from social media. It feels like he's free, in a sense.

Palaye Royale, Sebastian Danzig and Emerson Barrett retweeted
Remington Leith: Deleting my social media accounts for a while. Seen too many nasty comments and, I don't know if you are all aware, but confession pages are fucking upsetting. I had a bit of a breakdown earlier because of some confessions I saw. Please can you work together to take all the confession pages down?? Anyway, I'll be back online when I'm feeling more able to cope with the shit that happens here. Until then, I love you, and we're doing a livestream this Saturday. See you then. x