Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 108

Go read chapter one of the prequel to this called Break Me if you haven't.

Trigger warning.

At home, Remington sits with his knees hugged to his chest on the couch, staring at the television which isn't even on. Emerson is right. Andy will abandon him. It's bound to happen. He doesn't deserve to be loved the way Andy loves him. He doesn't deserve anything nice.

"Talk to me, sweetheart," Andy urges, sitting down beside him. "Or if you don't wanna talk, we can put a movie on and cuddle, pretty. There's no pressure."

Remington doesn't look at Andy as he responds in a monotone voice. "I don't know what I want," he says.

The man strokes Remington's cheek. "That's okay," he soothes, "come snuggle, you're okay."

Still, Remington doesn't move. "He's right," he whispers, "you-you're gonna abandon me."

Andy wipes a tear from under his husband's eye. "That couldn't be further from the truth."

"But I-nothing I do is-I ruin everything." He struggles to get the words out, though finds that Andy grabbing his hand helps.

"No, sweetheart, not true. Not true at all." Andy kisses his knuckles. "What did Emerson say to you?"

Remington is quiet for a moment, and finally accepts a hug. "Just loads of horrible shit," he mumbles, "like-I'm horrible to everyone and-and I use anorexia as an excuse, and I should be-I should be over what Holly did to me, and basically I'm a fucking fuck up who doesn't deserve anyone and should die alone and everyone would be glad to see me go and no one loves me and I'm the reason Sebastian is in jail and It's my fault that I was abused and raped and everything is my fault!"

"Remington, no. What Holly did to you was not your fault, okay. You had no idea that she would do that to you. She is the one responsible, Remington, not you. Never you." He carefully moves them both, legs across the sofa with Remington's back against his chest, and rubs the boy's shoulders. "Just breathe," he whispers into his hair, and feels Remington inhale and exhale slowly.

The boy closes his eyes and tries to concentrate on the comfort of Andy's warm body, of the man's gentle, familiar voice. "I think I need to talk to Abi tomorrow," he says, "but we don't have a session for two days."

"I'll call her, baby boy, see if she has any free time to see you, yeah? You just breathe, it's okay."

Remington nods slowly, gratefully. "Promise you won't-you won't abandon me?"

"I promise."

Later on in the day, towards the evening, Emerson calls Remington, and he answers even though he knows he probably shouldn't. "What?" He asks in a demanding voice.

Emerson sighs audibly. "I'm trying to apologise, here, Remington. Are you gonna let me, or do you wanna shout at me?"

"Oh my God, will you stop! I'm sorry, Emerson, but recently you've been talking to me like you don't like me. You keep making me feel awful for having anorexia and for being abused and I am so fucking tired of your fucking bullshit! I'm so bored of it! Do me a favour and fuck off, will you? I can't handle this right now."

"Wait, Re-"

The boy hangs up. He looks at Andy, who's standing in the doorway, with an innocent expression. "He was being mean," he says, defending himself.

Andy hums. "I'm sure he was. Abigail can see you at three tomorrow."

"Oh, good," Remington breathes, "if Emerson calls you, do not answer."

"I won't, but I think you two need to sit down and talk."

Remington turns away and carries on with what he was doing. "No," he says flatly, "what's the point, anyway? I keep on telling him how him treating me like this makes me feel and he still goes and does it again. I need to not talk to him for a bit, at least until Sebby is back."

"Siblings argue, sweetheart, it's a thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You need to ask him what's really going on."

"Well," Remington says, "I don't want to." He sounds so stubborn and Andy gives up trying to persuade him. He doesn't want to see the brothers fight, but also knows how sensitive Remington is, and doesn't want to be the reason he bursts into tears. "I'll talk to him eventually, Andy, I promise. But not now. I'm too anxious now. And do you know why? Because of Emerson!"

Andy approaches his lover, kneeling on the floor in front of him and placing his hands on the younger's knees. "Okay, breathe. Let's not talk about this anymore." He rubs his legs. "Come and have a bath with me. I feel like you're in need of some looking after tonight."

Blushing but smiling, Remington nods. "Okay, fine. Bath sounds nice."

"You, honey bear, are the most adorable thing."

"What the fuck is 'honey bear'?"

With a shrug, Andy stands up, and Remington does, too. "I don't know. It suits you. Don't you like it?"

"I never said that."

Andy chuckles and pulls Remington towards the stairs. "Do you want to hear a secret?"

"Depends what the secret is. If it's something bad, then no, definitely not. I might cry." He follows closely behind Andy, going into the bathroom. "I will cry."

"It's nothing bad, don't you worry."

"Okay, then tell me."

Andy smiles. He turns on the taps in the bathtub. "I'm pretty sure you're my soulmate." He frowns when Remington tears up, promptly hugging him. "Hey hey, why're you crying about that?"

The boy doesn't try to stop the tears. It's always better to let himself cry when he needs to, and he knows he's safe with Andy. "I don't know," he murmurs.

"Are we having an emotional day? Is it all getting a bit much?"

Remington nods against him. "Jus' hold me."

He remembers when days like this were a rare occurrence, when Holly was nice to him, when life wasn't a complete shit show. He remembers when he didn't feel like this.

He remembers when he was actually happy. It feels so long ago.