Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 28

Trigger warning. At this point just assume every chapter is a trigger warning. K thanks.

It has just gone ten when Remington goes up to bed, since he has to be up early in the morning because the tour bus is picking him up at four thirty. He tells Andy that the man doesn't need to come to bed early just because he is, and if Andy wasn't in the middle of a phone call with Jake, he would have told his lover that of course he's going to bed with him. He knows, God he knows, how much Remington needs physical contact, how much better it makes him feel and how much easier it makes it to sleep. Tonight, he is definitely going to be in need of cuddles and head kisses and I love yous.

He hugs Remington before the boy disappears to bed, listening to what Jake is saying about how the recording of Carolyn isn't right, so they'll have to do it again. Andy isn't surprised. They recorded that the day that he was called by Emerson and rushed home to make sure Remington was okay, which he wasn't. It was all a bit rushed.

The boy showers and, just like every time he has access to a mirror, spends way too much time prodding and picking at his scar, his face, his arms, his hips, everything. When he looks in the mirror, the only thing he likes looking at are his tattoos. He stands there, dripping wet and naked, hair flat on his head, just repeating things Holly used to say to him in his head. He didn't ever understand why she wanted to have sex with him if she thought he was so ugly. It never made sense.

It hurts that he still remembers word for word things she would say. That's how much she said them. That's how much they affected him. It's stupid, really, that he's still hurt, after all these years. He should be used to it by now.

He wraps himself in a warm towel and brushes his teeth, tearing himself away from the mirror and leaving the bathroom, thankful that there isn't a mirror in the bedroom anymore. Andy took it down to stop Remington scrutinising himself every morning and every evening, though he still does in the bathroom mirror. He can't help it.

He can hear Andy talking on the phone downstairs, and sighs, wanting the man to be here with him. He drops the towel and looks down at the ugly scar, frowning, and routing through the wardrobe for a long t-shirt to cover himself up. He doesn't normally wear shirts in bed, so it'll be obvious to Andy that he isn't feeling too good about himself.

Remington can't sleep on his own tonight, and so lies awake in the dark, hands running over his stomach, feeling the scar over and over until tears are slipping down his cheeks and soaking into the pillow under his head. God, he's so sick of crying.

He looks at the ring on his finger. Twists it around, holds it, as if it might disappear, as if Andy might disappear. It's a silver ring, engraved with their initials in the inside. His hands fall onto his stonach, fingers automatically finding his wrists. He really can't help it.

The bedroom door opens and Andy comes in quietly, closing the door behind him and only then noticing that the boy is crying. He comes to the rescue, sliding in bed beside him and pulling Remington into his lap. "Shh, beautiful, what's wrong?"

Remington shakes his head. "'m not- 'm not beautiful," be murmurs.

Andy frowns. "Yes you are. You're my beautiful boy." He kisses his head and his hands.

The tearful young man shakes his head again. "Am not," he argues, too tired to talk above a whisper.

"You are the most beautiful," Andy says, "and anyone who says differently is blind." His words are gentle, calming. Remington digs his face into Andy's shoulder and the man rubs his back. "Why don't you take your shirt off, princess? You'll get hot." He knows why Remington is wearing a shirt, and he also know how unpleasant it is to not be able to sleep because if being too hot.

Remington exhales. "Too ugly," is his reply, and it breaks Andy's heart.

"That's not true, sweetheart, not one bit. Take your shirt off, precious, get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Don't want you to see it," he mumbles.

Andy combs fingers through the boy's hair. "I won't even look." He thinks the boy isn't going to, but then Remington sits up and tugs the shirt off, dropping it on the floor and lying back down. "Sleep now, baby."

In the morning, Remington's alarm goes off and he forces himself out of bed, which means leaving the warmth of Andy, and finds some clothes to put on. He settles for tracksuit bottoms and one of Andy's hoodies. The man won't mind one of his hoodies going missing, and anyway, he'll work out pretty much straight away where it's gone.

Remington goes downstairs quietly, where his suitcase is waiting by the door, and boils the kettle. He leans against the counter and yawns, twisting the ring around on his finger and smiling sleepily. He's going to get married to his soulmate. Once the kettle has boiled, he makes himself a cup of coffee in a travel mug and sips it, pausing when he hears noise from upstairs. Andy must have woken up. Damn, he was trying to go without disturbing Andy.

A moment or two later, Andy comes down holding a blanket. "You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?" He asks.

Remington yawns. "Didn't want to wake you," he murmurs.

Andy ruffles his hair. "When's the bus picking you up?"

The boy shrugs. "Half four. Wish you were coming," he whines, wrapping his arms around his lover and digs his head into his shoulder.

"I know, sweetheart, me too." They stay like that for a few minutes, until Andy softly says, "don't fall asleep, princess, the bus will be here soon."

Remington whines. "Gon' stay here 'til it arrives," he mumbles, leaning into Andy.

With a hum, Andy kisses his head. "You're cute when you're tired," he coos, swaying slightly.

The boy is trying not to let his eyes close. "Should've gone to sleep earlier," he complains, "stupid fuckin' brain."

A vehicle pulls up outside. "You can sleep in the bus. Have you got everything?" There is a knock on the door. Andy releases the boy to open it.

"Ready?" Sebastian asks, picking up the suitcase and offering his hand for Remington.

The boy hugs Andy tightly before taking his brother's hand and stepping towards the door. Andy stops them and hands him the blanket he's holding. "I'll call you every day," he promises, "have a good time. I love you."

Remington holds the blanket and smiles sleepily. "I love you," he says back, and closes the door behind him. "Sebby?"

The guitarist opens the bus door. "Yeah?" He leads Remington straight towards the bunks.

"Wasn't your fault," he whispers, "wasn't anyone's fault. Shit happens." Sebastian knows what he's talking about- Remington's suicide attempt. The boy crawls into his bunk. "Just promise you've stopped drinking."

Sebastian puts the bag down on the floor. "I promise you, I've stopped. There's no alcohol on this bus and it's going to stay that way. Okay?"

Remington holds the blanket to his face. "Okay," he agrees, "where's Em?"

"Sleeping. You should be too. Do you want me to stay with you?" Everyone close to him knows damn well that he doesn't sleep well on his own. He never has.

With a nod, Remington shuffles to the side to let his big brother in. "'m excited to perform again," he says, "hopefully I can hug fans this time."

Sebastian wraps the singer in a sleepy hug. "I hope so, too, pumpkin."

You guys should read Lonely by bandtrashno1