Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 102

Trigger warning.

The sadness Remington feels when he has to ask Andy to stop because he's starting to feel Holly touching him is overwhelming. He thought he was past that, but apparently he's not. Apparently Holly is still in his head, even after all these years.

He sits on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands and is grateful for Andy giving him space to calm down. It hurts that he isn't able to get rid of her completely, that whether he likes it or not, she is always going to be there, in the back of his mind, ready to pounce on him and ruin his good mood. What he hates even more is how he's shaking and he can't stop. He daren't move because he fears that if he does, she'll be there.

Andy sits in the chair by the window and glances at Remington, makes sure he isn't having a panic attack or anything, and knows he has to let Remington calm down before trying to talk to him or touch him. As far as Remington is aware, Andy is Holly.

Remington inhales and exhales slowly-as slowly as he can-and repeats in his head over and over that he's safe, that Andy will never hurt him. He thinks about Holly even though he doesn't want to. About that night in the hotel, and about everything before that. The screaming at him, the hitting him, the kicking him, the pushing him down the stairs until he was dizzy and bloody and bruised. The hurt. So much hurt.

He shivers involuntarily, tells himself that it's all over. But it doesn't feel over.

He knows what's happening. He's relapsing. Is that what's happening? He can't think of another explanation that makes sense.

His knees hurt. He realises he's pushing down hard on his arms and hurting himself without meaning to. He tries to stop. "Andy?" He stutters, not moving.

The man sits up straight. "Yeah?"

Remington feels comfort at the sound of Andy's voice. He doesn't say anything else. He just needs to know that Andy is there, that he isn't alone. It's hard to remember that he isn't in that house with Holly, hard to convince himself that he's safe when it feels like he isn't. "I-I need Sebby," he says suddenly, craving his big brother's hugs.

"Sebastian's in jail," Andy says, calmly, wishing that he could teleport Sebastian here right now.

The boy can't even cry. "Oh," is all he manages. His mind is elsewhere. He thinks about Holly again. He can't help it. The first time she ever hurt him. It was a Tuesday. He remembers that. Tuesday, at half past six. He had just got back from Palaye Royale's first headlining tour, and he was feeling so good. His band was finally getting noticed. But she ruined that. She ruined everything.

She had been shouting at him for some time before that, but that was the first time she hurt him physically. He wasn't expecting it. He was making something for dinner, and turned around to open the fridge. She started an argument about how he wasn't making the bolognaise right, and she slapped him, hard and shrill, and he stumbled, startled. For days after he told himself she didn't mean it, that she was just tired.

But the she did it again.

And again, and again, and again. He kept track of how many times she did it. Two months passed and he was in double figures.

Six months passed and he lost count.

He knew that losing count meant it was really bad, but he didn't do anything about it. She had him cornered.

"Andy?" He asks again, and the man responds the same way as he did before. Remington hesitates before saying what he wants to say. He has to remind himself that he's talking to Andy and not Holly. "Can you-can you hold my hand?"

Andy stands up. He approaches Remington cautiously, kneeling on the floor in front of him. "Of course I can, sweetheart." He takes the boy's hand when Remington holds it out for him, and rubs his knuckles gently. "You're okay," he whispers, "you're safe."

Remington focusses on the feeling of Andy's hand holding his and, after a few quiet minutes, talks, this time not so shakily. "I think I'm okay now," he says, lifting his head and rubbing his eyes. "I think she's gone for now."

"You did so well calming down," Andy praises, helping him to his feet. "Movie night?"

The boy nods. "Thanks," he murmurs, "for being patient."

"No need to thank me, gorgeous."

"Give me a hug."

Andy obliges gladly, wrapping his lover in his arms. He kisses Remington's head.

They find a rom-com on Netflix and Andy makes a bowl of popcorn, and Remington falls asleep on him towards the end of the movie, leaving Andy to look at the most recent comments under Remington's post.

Andy could never love you.
You're pretty. But not pretty enough for Andy.
Rem could post a pic of a cat and people would hate him for it. Wth is wrong with everyone?? He's happy with Andy, and Andy is happy with him. Leave them alone. Remington doesn't deserve all of this hate, specially not after everything he's been through. Don't forget that.

He sighs. People always find reasons to hate someone, even if that person is un-hateable. Even if that person has already experienced hell five times over and somehow stayed alive through it all. Even if that person has put every one else in front of them self. Even if that person is perfect, people still find ways to hate on them. Andy will never understand that.