Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 150

Ahaha trigger warning bitches

Andy finds Remington in a bathroom before the show with bloody fingers and a cut up thigh. He wonders what he used, but soon spots the scissors in the sink.

Remington looks up at him guiltily "Sorry," he mumbles.

"Shh, it's okay. We need to get you cleaned up." The man pulls paper from the tissue dispenser and wets it with cold water. "What number is it now, sweetie?"

The boy seems to be in a daze. He rubs his eyes. "24," is the answer he gives.

"Okay. Do you think you can perform later, or are you not feeling up to it?"

Remington watches Andy carefully clean his leg. "I'm not up to anything," he mumbles.

Andy throws the tissue away and gets some fresh pieces. "Do you need a night off, baby boy?"

"Abi said to-to have a night off when I feel really not good," Remington recalls, wincing when Andy touches a particularly painful cut.

"Okay. I think that's what needs to happen." He washes his husband's hands, rubbing them comfortingly, and frowning when his sleeve falls down his arm, exposing fresh cuts on his wrist, too. "Oh Remington, baby," he whispers. Andy cleans his wrist and wipes a smear of blood from his face. "Are there are any more?" He asks gently, not wanting to miss any and risk Remington getting infected.

The boy seems out of it, though manages to nod and point at his stomach.

Andy lifts his shirt up and momentarily finches at what he's done to himself. He's never cut his stomach before. "How long have you been in here, honey?"

"Don't know. Don't feel good."

"I know, sweetie. It's okay. Are we still on 24?" He figures that asking regularly is better than it getting worse and Remington not saying anything. At least this way, Andy knows how bad it is.

Remington nods.

After cleaning his stomach, Andy washes his own hands and helps Remington to stand up off the toilet seat. The singer stumbles and whimpers because when he moves he can feel the cuts stinging.

Andy unlocks the door and decides the easiest thing to do is to carry Remington, to stop him from bursting into tears because of his cuts hurting, and so he hoists the boy up, hands under his thighs, and feels Remington's head on his shoulder. "I need you to tell me if it goes up, okay?" Andy asks, talking quietly.

"'kay."

They bump into Sebastian in the hall, and the guitarist frowns at the sight. "Everything okay?"

"No," Remington mumbles.

Sebastian looks at Andy for an explanation. "He cut himself and he's a 24."

"24?"

"On a scale of one to ten on how suicidal he feels. He's 24."

"Oh, shit. Maybe we should-"

He's cut off by a member of staff from down the hall "On in two minutes," he shouts.

Remington flinches.

"Yeah, no, there's no way Remington's performing right now." Andy says firmly.

"But-"

"No, Sebastian. He's exhausted, he's so close to breaking down in tears, and he's a 24! That should alarm you!"

"We can't cancel now!"

Andy shakes his head. "You can and you will."

"This is his job! We can't keep cancelling when Remington is feeling a bit sad! That's not how it works!"

"A bit sad? Sebastian, he's been in the bathroom slicing at his body for god knows how long. He needs a break!"

The guitarist sighs. "He's had a break! We didn't tour for more than a year so he could have a break!"

"I'm quite aware of that. You can't look at him now and tell me he's fit to perform."

"You know what? At this point, Andy, I don't even care! He's performing even if it kills him, because it's his job!"

"what the fuck is wrong with you? He's your brother! Your brother is hurting, Sebastian! Don't you care about that?"

"Right now, no! I don't! I'm sick of him being the reason for all the cancellations! I'm sick of it!"

Remington talks up suddenly. "You're sick of it? You're sick of me fucking everything up? How the fuck do you think I feel? How fucking guilty do you think I feel because I keep being the reason for cancelling shows? Sebastian, I don't want to cancel it! I don't want to let down our fans! But I feel so fucking suicidal and I'm genuinely scared that I'll strangle myself with the microphone wire or fall from a balcony and snap my neck! I am terrified! So shut the fuck up and let me have a fucking break!"

"Stop making everything about you!"

"It is about me!"

Sebastian sighs again. "And what if you never stop feeling like this? What then? Are you gonna never fucking perform again?"

"Then I'll kill myself! That's what!"

"Good! Do it without making a fuss!" He turns on his heel and walks away, leaving both Remington and Andy shocked at what he just said.

"Great. Now my own brother wants me to die," Remington says dryly, trying not to show how hurt he is.

Andy begins walking towards the exit. "He doesn't, honey. He's just stressed. Give him time." He puts Remington down and offers his hand, now that the boy is more stable. "Let's just go back to the bus, okay? You're not going near that stage."

"I'm such a disappointment."

"Hey, no. Not true."

They walk to the bus and step inside before Remington talks again. "I wanna go home," he says, "and sleep in our own bed and see Abigail and not be under pressure all the time because it's making me so fucking stressed."

Andy guides him towards the bunks.

"And I'm meant to be taking medication for depression but I don't know where it is and I really need it because I can't feel like this anymore. It's too much. At least the meds make me feel less sad."

"Did you have them on the bus?"

Remington nods.

Andy kisses his head. "I'll have a look for them, okay? Shout if you need me." He routes through the cupboards until he comes across a bottle of pills with Remington's name on, and takes them back the the bunk, where Remington is lying on his back staring at the ceiling.

The boy takes two of the pills and settles in Andy's arms. Sebastian comes onto the bus, guilty about what he said earlier, and explains that he cancelled the show and is offering everyone a free meet and greet with the whole band apart from Remington to try and make up for it.

Remington feels a bit better once the medication kicks in, and him and Andy watch a film on his laptop. Andy makes sure he has something to eat and it's only after Remington falls asleep that he notices the reddened scars on his knuckles, and isn't sure another four months on tour is going to end well at all.