Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 140

Trigger warning but it's really cute at the end

The interview stacks up thousands of views very quickly, and Remington is glad that Andy changed his password because he knows how many posts he will be getting tagged in now. People saying they feel bad for him, people hoping he's okay, people calling him and Andy couple goals. He isn't sure how he feels about everyone knowing all about what happened. He knows that he had to tell them or they'd spread rumours, but now he's told them, he's scared that it's all he is going to be asked about at shows. He doesn't want to talk about it to any fans. He doesn't want to talk about it at all.

"I watched your interview," Abigail says to him, over the phone, "that was a brave thing to do. How do you feel about it?"

Remington is sitting in the bus on his own. Everyone else is in a gas station topping up on food and what not. "I don't know," Remington says honestly.

"Do you regret it?"

"No? Kind of. I don't know. It's confusing. I regret that they had to find out without me really having a choice." He wishes he could be in his therapists house talking to her. He always feel safe in her house.

"How are people responding?"

Remington sighs. "I don't really know. Haven't been looking."

"Understandable."

"I just don't want everyone to be asking me about it in VIP." He looks out the window at people waking to and from the shop. "And not that I've said everything, I feel so...exposed, I guess."

Abigail hums in understanding. "There's nothing wrong with that, Remington. As long as you know that you've got people with who will protect you if you need it."

"Yes, I know that. My brothers and Andy wouldn't let anything happen to me."

"How are things with Emerson going? I know you two were going through a rough patch a wile ago. Has that been sorted out?"

"No, not really. We hardly talk. I wanna talk to him about it but I don't know how to start." He runs his hand over his knee, automatically feeling the bones. Abigail is about to say something when he talks again. "I cut myself today," he says.

The words, though no real surprise, sadden Abigail, who is sitting on her sofa, where Remington sits when he comes round for therapy sessions. "Okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I haven't told anyone," he explains, quietly, "I promised them I would but I haven't."

"Why not?"

Remington can feel the new cuts on his hip stinging dully. They have been all morning, since he sliced them in the shower. "'cause I'm ashamed of it," he admits, "'cause I haven't done it for a while and I thought I'd stopped but then the urge came back so bad this morning." He wills himself not to cry. "And I should've told Andy when the urge came back but-but I just couldn't." His voice is small, almost scared.

"Do you know why you couldn't?"

The singer watches a man carrying a bag out from the shop. "Because I'm a fuck up," he answers, believing it. "Because I ruin everything."

"That's not true, Remington."

"Yes it is."

"Tell me how it felt as you were hurting yourself."

Remington blinks profusely to force tears away. "Kinda nice, for a minute of so, and then I realised what I'd done, and I wanted to stop, but I couldn't." He touches his free hand over where the cuts are, sucking in a breath as he presses down on them. "Do you think-do you think I need to tell Andy when he comes back?"