Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 31

trigger warning

Remington keeps his promise and calls Abigail in the morning, while they're on the bus. He sits in his bunk and dials her number, hoping that she does answer.

She does, luckily, and asks what's wrong, since she knows something must be if he's calling her. Remington sighs. "I keep scratching my wrists," he says quietly, "last night I made myself bleed." His voice is soft, cautious, He doesn't want to be overheard by anyone who isn't his brothers.

"Do you know why that happened?"

The boy looks down at his wrist, which is red and scraped. "People were shouting shit at me at the concert." He pulls his bracelets down. "And I keep thinking about Holly." It's stupid to be this bothered by something in his past, and it makes him feel so pathetic when he says it.

Abigail is in her office, waiting for her client, and hopes they won't arrive until this phone call is over. She always hates cutting Remington off. It's odd, but she feels she has a duty to protect him, to be there when he needs her. Most of her other patients don't call her and no one else has ever shown her such a vulnerable side to themselves like Remington has. "That's understandable, Remington, she treated you terribly. It's normal for you to be thinking about it. Is that the only thing bothering you?" She knows it isn't. She knows there's something else.

"No," Remington answers, "there's something else." He goes quiet for a moment. His voice reduces to a whisper. "I still want to die."

Abigail had a feeling he was going to say something like that. The way he's talking is the same as when he told her he was going to crash his car. Weak. Scared. About to break. "Alright, well done for telling me, I'm proud of you. Can you explain how you're feeling right now?"

Remington always finds his therapist so calming. He should have called her last night. "Lonely. Even with my brothers here, I feel lonely. And sad, Abi, I'm so sad." Emerson is listening to his best friend. He didn't mean to overhear, but now he's listening, heart breaking at the things his brother says. Why doesn't he say this stuff to him? "I miss Andy so much and I just need a hug from him. I think I'd be okay if I could just hug Andy."

It's good that he loves Andy so much, that he feels completely safe with the man, because Abigail remembers when he was so terrified of even touching the man. "Have you talked to him recently? I think you need to tell him this, Remington, let him know that you miss him. He'll be missing you, too. It'll make you both feel better." She knows she has to talk gently, calmly, or Remington is only going to get more agitated.

"Talked to him yesterday," he mumbles, thinking back to the phone call with his fiancé. "He cheered me up, but-but then I just missed him more after."

"It's good to see you," Andy has said, since they we're using video chat for once. It was lagging and pixelated, but they just liked being able to see eachother.

Remington was multitasking, doing his makeup at the same time, and smiled. "I feel like absolute crap," he had said in response, covering his face with foundation.

"Well you look gorgeous, sweetheart." He knows better than to say anything about the makeup. It makes Remington feel worse if his makeup is mentioned in a negative way. When he's told he doesn't need it, it only makes him feel more self conscious.

The boy blended in the foundation. "I got no sleep last night," he complained, "Andy, I can't sleep without you." When he said that, he had sounded so innocent, so fragile, and it made Andy want to jump on a plane and fly out to him. And that's what he decided to do.

Abigail hears a car pull up in her drive. "I'm sorry, Remington, I've got a client in a minute. I need you to promise to call me if things get worse, okay?"

Remington loves how caring she is, how much she genuinely wants him to be okay. "Okay, Abi, I promise."

Sitting in his own bunk, Emerson is just looking at the wall. He hadn't realised his brother had been feeling so depressed. He should have spotted it, but he didn't. Does that make him a bad brother? A bad friend?

Remington slides out of his bunk and bumps into Emerson, who is also getting out of his bunk. "Oh, sorry," the boy mumbles. He isn't in the mood for having a conversation with anyone at the moment. He just wants Andy.

"Are you okay?" Emerson asks. He's determined to get Remington to tell him what he's just told Abigail.

The singer nods. "Yeah, fine," he lies, and forces a smile.

"No, Remington, clearly you're not." His voice is harsher than he intended, and he sees Remington flinch. "I heard you talking to Abigail."

Remington's face falls. "Oh," he whispers, "all of it?"

Emerson nods. "All of it. Remington, why didn't you tell me?" He sounds disappointed, let down, and it makes Remington feel awful.

He looks down. "Please don't make me talk about it," he begs, "Em, I'm sorry, okay? Please just let it go."

The drummer grabs his hands. "Stop fucking scratching!"

Remington jumps and pulls his hands away. He barges past, not understanding why Emerson just shouted at him, and rubs his eyes. "Remington?" Sebastian asks, but doesn't get an answer.

"Stop the bus," Remington demands, "I want to get off. Stop the fucking bus."

As soon as the vehicle has come to a halt in a lay-by, Remington throws the door opens and runs off before anyone can stop him. He doesn't know why he was so desperate to get away from is brothers suddenly. Everything just got too much on that bus with those people.

He just needs Andy, and then it'll all be okay.