Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 120

Trigger warning.

Crying in the bathroom at 3 am has become a bit of a routine for Remington, who, since the beach, hasn't spoken to anyone except Andy. He didn't even go to therapy yesterday, even after Andy kept persuading him to.

Tonight is no different. Andy picks the boy up and carries him back into the bedroom, lying him on the bed and checking his knuckles. He's relieved everytime to discover that Remington hasn't relapsed.

"Same dream?" The man asks quietly, aware that Remington has been having a nightmare about the hotel incident since Emerson pushed him under water.

Remington nods and wipes his eyes. "Want it to stop," he mumbles, and cuddles up to Andy.

"I know, sweetheart, I wish I could make them go away for you." Andy draws his fingers up and down Remington's side.

The boy sniffles. "Feels like it happened yesterday," he whispers, "'s like I can feel the knife." He shudders as he says it.

Andy kisses his head. "It's okay. You're alright. Try and get some more sleep, princess."

"'kay. Love you." He yawns and rubs his eyes, and soon goes back to sleep. Andy strokes his hair until he too drifts off, thinking about how hard it must be for Sebastian to watch his brothers fight like this.

Sebastian is so disappointed in Emerson. The young man has never been so horrible to Remington before. He invites himself into Emerson's house and sternly tells the drummer that they have to talk about it, whether he wants to or not.

"I don't care what's going on anymore, Emerson, you just can't treat him like this. You can't! You forced him underwater while knowing damn fucking well the shit he's been through. What the fuck?"

Emerson can't look at his big brother. He's so ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry," he tries, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

The guitarist sighs. "You need to sort yourself out, and until you have, I don't want you near him. He needs to be somewhere safe and where he knows he won't be shouted at, and that's clearly not with you."

Sebastian is right. Emerson knows he is. "Okay," he says in defeat, "fine. I'll stay away from him." He knows there's no point arguing with Sebastian about this. He'd lose the fight.

"Good. I'm gonna talk to him, Em, if he lets me. I'm not mad at you, I'm just frustrated at the both of you for letting it get this out of hand."

"I know."

Remington and Andy walk side by side, hands holding, up the path and towards the river. Andy managed to get the boy out the house today, after a few days of him refusing. They get to the opening, where there's a large rock to sit on by the water, and Remington throws a pebble into the river. "You know, I used to dream about you before we got together," he says, smiling at the memory.

Andy smiles, too. "You did, huh? What were the dreams like?"

"Well, they varied, but mostly it was you telling me you love me."

The older draws circles into Remington's palm. "Looks like your dreams came true then, huh?"

Remington nods. "Looks like they did," he agrees, "I remember lying in the bus on the first night of the homecoming tour and just smiling because I'd finally got to meet you in person. You were my idol for so long and I nearly died when they told me I'd be opening for you." He watches Andy's fingers and closes his hand around them.

"I remember hearing your music for the first time when my tour manager suggested you. I thought that if you had a voice that good, then there must be something wrong with your face, but then I saw a picture of you and I actually did die. You were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life." He kisses Remington's knuckles. "You still are."

The boy leans his head on Andy's shoulder and breathes in the cool, fresh air. "Wait, you didn't know about us until your tour manager told you?"

Andy shakes his head. "No. I'd never heard of you. My tour manager mentioned it to me and I kinda brushed him off, because at the time, I already knew who I wanted to open for me. He kept nagging for me to listen to you, and when I kept saying I'd do it later, he played me your music himself. It was Mr Doctor Man, and I fell in love with everything. He still makes fun of me to this day because I kept ignoring him and now we're married. He finds it hilarious."

Remington looks at the water flowing over the stones. "I forget that we'd only just released side A back then. Wow, it was a long time ago. I mean, I was still trying to pretend I was straight." He laughs quietly. "I don't think I'd ever have come out of it wasn't for you, you know. When you came out publicly, I was like 'wow, this man has my respect.' You did it so well and you didn't let anyone hold you back and I admired the fuck out of you. I still do."

"I admire the fuck out of you," Andy responds, "for literally everything you've ever done. I think you're the most inspirational person. I really do."

Remington closes his eyes and listens to Andy and to the water.

"Because after the hell you've been through, I kinda expected you to close up and never let anyone in ever again, but you didn't. I think that's such a beautiful thing."

With a soft sigh, Remington opens his hand again, and Andy resumes the circles in his palm. "I wanted so badly to close up," Remington says, "but you made it so hard. I don't know. That day in the coffee shop when you let me wait in your house; I guess that was the first time I kinda realised that not everyone you meet wanna hurts you. It was hard to trust anyone after Holly, but you made it so easy because you never did anything to break the trust. Even when I ran away, you didn't get mad. I think the first time I really really loved you was when I was bleeding out on your front steps and you were begging me to stay awake. I'd never had anyone care like that before, apart from my brothers, of course. I realised that day that you didn't just love me because I needed you. You needed me, too."

Smiling, nodding, and kisskng the younger's hand again, Andy responds with, "and I still do."

"You've literally saved my life so many times."

"I'd give my life for you, sweetheart."