I'll Give You the Universe

Chapter 17: Moving On

And I, I hate to see your heartbreak
I hate to see your eyes, get darker as they close
But I've been there before
And I, I hate to see your heartbreak
I hate to see your eyes, get darker as they close
But I've been there before

-Paramore

Gale's POV

"How are you doing?" tanong sa akin ni Jessy.

Today is our third session kaya naman nandito ako ngayon sa loob clinic niya.

"I'm doing.....fine," ani ko, which is totoo naman dahil hindi na ulit ako nakakarinig ng mga boses sa utak ko, at mukha namang malaki ang naitulong ng gamot na ibinigay n'ya sa akin.

"How about the voices? Did you start hearing it again?" tanong niya, umiling ako. She smiled at me because of that.

I pursed my lips when I suddenly remember something. "Pero, recently I felt so tired and restless," ani ko, tumungo siya.

"I know, isa lang naman yun sa side effects sa pag inum mo ng gamot na ibinigay ko sayo. There's nothing to be worry about," sabi niya kaya naman nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

"Normal lang ba yung nangyayri sa akin? W-what is wrong with me?" tanong ko.

It's the question that I kept on asking myself ever since I started hearing those voices. Alam ko na hindi normal 'yon. I've been dying to ask this question ever since we start having our session, but I'm scared.

Bigla siyang napatigil sa tanong ko. Huminga s'ya ng malalim at tinitignan ako ng matagal.

Inilapag niya sa binti niya ang notebook at lapis na hawak niya bago ako binigyan ng ngiti. Huminga ako ng malalim at hinintay ang mga sasabihin niya.

"Based on what you told me from our previous sessions, I can tell that you are experiencing a Brief Psychotic Disorder," ani niya na ikinatigil ko. Agad kong naramdaman ang biglang pagbilis ng pintig ng puso ko.

"A-ano yun?"

"It is usually the response to a traumatic event that causes one person to experience hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, disordered speech, and behavior, and sudden mood changes. Lahat ng sintomas ng disorder na ito ay nakita ko sayo. And it makes sense kasi nangyari lahat ng 'yon sa'yo matapos ng......." her voice trailed.

She doesn't need to continue. Alam ko na agad kung ano ang sinasabi n'ya. Habang nakikinig ako sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig n'ya, agad na bumalik sa akin lahat ng mga nangyari sa'kin nitong mga nakaraang araw.

I remembered how I pushed away Zayne just because I thought he was my dad—how I started to hear those voices—how I feel like everyone who touches me is my dad—and how my thoughts and behavior are affecting my studies and my life in a very negative way.

It was slowly making sense to me. It's like I'm finally piercing all the pieces of the puzzle together. Dahil dito ay nakaramdam ako ng mabigat na kalungkutan. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mata ko bago ako huminga ng malalim. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"But don't worry dear, mawawala rin ito kapag naagapan agad. That's why I'm here to help you," ani niya malipas ang ilang minutong katahimikan. Tumingin ako sa kaniya bago dahan dahang tumungo.

Sana.

~~

Pagkatapos nang nangyari sa court ay nakita ko kung paano unti unting nagbabago si Candice. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko parin alam ang dahilan kung bakit 'yon nagawa sakaniya ni James. Tuwing makakasalubong ko si James sa campus ay iba na ang kasama niya. At yun yung babaeng kasama niya sa court.