Sleepless Nights
By: -serendipxty-
Teen Fiction/Mystery
English
Disclaimer: I am not a professional critic.
All details are just my opinion. I might be wrong; I might be right. I just provide A PERSPECTIVE that may help you improve your story. Kung paniniwalaan mo man o hindi, susundin mo o hindi, kaiinisan mo or hindi, ay depende na sa'yo.
Warning: The following contain word/s, phrases, sentences or paragraphs that may or may not hurt you. Please read at your own risk.
Overall rating: 8/10
*Title
Simple but intriguing. I like it! Without reading the description or looking at the book cover, the title alone suggests anything, any genre. It could be, mystery/thriller, romance, horror, spiritual, etc. And that's how you do it. Good job!
*Cover
Seeing the cover, it gave the vibe of a dark mood. Like it's about depression, anxiety, danger. It's kind of related naman sa story so it's just fine.
*Description
Na-confuse ako bigla pagkabasa ko ng description mo. The statement, "Fleuvis' life suddenly become hotter to handle than she could ever have imagine." Like what? Romance pala? I mean, pwede namang may romance din sa story but you don't use "hotter". What are you even trying to imply? I believe you want to say that her life became harder to handle. That it became chaotic or exciting. But not the word hotter I think. You are great in words. I'm sure you'll find the right one to use.
And about "Now's". Are you sure you meant to say Now is?
Other than that, the other things written in the description seem okay. It gave the readers a peek of your story but not too much. It's pretty interesting actually.
*Plot/Storyline
I get that sleepless nights means that her peaceful life will be turned upside down with series of events that are about to come.
Hindi ko kaagad makita kung saan papunta ung story. Good naman yun. Kung baga may pagka mysterious and unexpected.
But you see, it is lacking something. As a whole, it's messy. The narration is good. But the way the story is going and how each event is unfolding, it's confusing and exhausting to read. Maybe that's just me. But that's how I felt it.
But the idea is good. I actually like it. It's not typical nor easy to guess. There's just too much going on. But it's kind of unique and entertaining naman. Mapapaisip at mashoshock ka rin talaga. Kudos for that!
*Language/Grammar/Writing Technique
You did great in your preface! The narration is great! You wrote it very well. I have nothing to say regarding how you wrote it.
Throughout the chapters nga lang and even in preface, I noticed that sometimes you forgot to put the speaker of the dialogue. Although obvious naman kung sinong nagsasalita. Formality pa rin na lagyan kung kaninong dialogue iyon. Kasi maybe, parehas na dialogue pala ay iisang tao lang ang nagsalita. At part pa rin yun ng narration. I understand na maybe you feel it as redundant kasi nga may dialogue na tapos lalagyan pa ng kunyare "I said" pagkatapos. Still, it is the right thing to do pa rin for distinction and clarity.
For instance,
"She's in my seat." She pointed her fingers towards my seat.
It should be...
