Le Penchant
By: anxrasy
Romance
Taglish
Disclaimer: I am not a professional critic.
All details are just my opinion. I might be wrong; I might be right. I just provide A PERSPECTIVE that may help you improve your story. Kung paniniwalaan mo man o hindi, susundin mo o hindi, kaiinisan mo or hindi, ay depende na sa'yo.
Warning: The following contain word/s, phrases, sentences or paragraphs that may or may not hurt you. Please read at your own risk.
Overall rating: 8/10
*Title
Thumbs up sa title mo. I searched its meaning in the internet and found out that it is a french word meaning addiction. It hooks attention but as I went on to your story, I found myself asking.. Why addiction? When it is only about being used to someone? Being addicted and getting used to something are not the same. So ayun, lacking sa relation ng story/accruacy.
*Cover
The book cover looks unique. It's intriguing but not catchy enough.
*Description
I like it! You gave your readers a peek about your story without revealing too much. Watch out lang sa capitalization. Capital sa simula ng bawat paragraph at simula ng bawat sentence.
*Plot/Storyline
Good job for bringing out the side of a 'nang-iwan'. Usually, ang mga bida ay iyong mga iniwan. People usually hate those who left. Napaka timely na ang bida ay ung usually hindi kinakampihan ng sympathy ng mga tao. Kasi its about time na marealize nila na there is always another side of the story. And leaving doesn't make you bad or evil. But self-love. Napaka empowering. We need more literatures like this!
While this is not the first story na napanuod at nabasa ko with this kind of plot, you're doing great naman. Good job!
*Language/Grammar/Writing Technique
Hindi mo na dapat inulit pa sa prologue ang nakalagay sa description. Prologue should introduce the mood of your story. Maaaring pangyayari ito before the story, introduction or isang scenario sa story na malapit na sa climax.
Pagkakatapos rin ng isang dialogue ay dapat may nakasulat kung sino ang nagsalita. Paminsan ay nakakalimutan mo.
But you write fine. May potential ang pagsusulat mo dahil nilalagyan mo ng tono o reaction karugtong ng dialogue. Which makes the reader imagine the scenario better. And, you narrate just as fine. You include the senses - the sight, the smell, the touch, etc. So, kudos for that.
Also, I like that your dialogues are not nonsense. May laman sila and kakapulutan ng aral at makakarelate ang mga tao.
Kaya lang ay parati mong nakakalimutan na mag capitalize ng letter after ng punctuations. Why is that?
*Character
Magaling! Ramdam ko kung paanong hindi na talaga masaya si Hershey. Naiinis rin ako sa mother nung guy. And nakakainis din paminsan ang fiance niya.
I have a friend like Hershey. At yung pinagdadaanan niya ay pinagdaanan niya na rin. Napaka true to life nung mga character. Ramdam kong magiging maganda ang character arcs nila.
Overall verdict:
May potential ang story na'to kahit na hindi pa masyadong marami ang reads. Ang underrated pero very recommended. Madami pang dapat iimprove sa language and writing but unedited version pa naman ito. Kayang kaya pang i-edit at pagandahin kapag natapos na. Since, kaya mo namang mag-narrate ng maayos. Keep up the good work!
Again, this is just my opinion.
Please leave a comment about what you feel in this critique. Thank you!
