All details are just my opinion. I might be wrong; I might be right. I just provide A PERSPECTIVE that may help you improve your story. Kung paniniwalaan mo man o hindi, susundin mo o hindi, kaiinisan mo or hindi, ay depende na sa'yo.
Warning: The following contain word/s, phrases, sentences or paragraphs that may or may not hurt you. Please read at your own risk.
Legend: 🏅 - 👍 or ❤️ 💤 - 👎 🏳️ - suggestions or corrections
Overall Rating: 6/10
*TITLE
🏅It did not catch my attention though in an objective perspective, the title is quite alright.
*COVER
💤 The cover can be better. If want mo talaga ay typography style, at least give it an elegant touch. The current one is too plain and I'm yet to discover why it has butterflies. [It doesn't seem to corporate well, in my opinion.]
*DESCRIPTION
🏅It's good. Halata na kaagad that it points to reality of life, and perhaps the absurdity of it. Relatable and real talk sa buhay ang vibe na binigay sa 'kin.
🏳️Just few modifications: [Orig] "at ang pinaka-matindi sa lahat si Tadhana." [Edit] "at ang pinakamatindi sa lahat... si Tadhana." Or "at ang pinakamatindi sa lahat ay si Tadhana." [Also, if you can, choose a better term for Tadhana. Masyado na kasi siyang gamit. Be brilliant in crafting a term or phrase that will say destiny without actually saying it such as "mga bagay na wala tayong kontrol," "kamalasan," etc.] [Orig] "Pero, everything that I think impossible became possible" [The words used are common and broad. Provide a hint but not too obvious kung ano ang tinutukoy mo na impossible pero naging possible.]
*LANGUAGE & STYLE
🏳️ ng at nang - I know they are hard to perfect; madalas pa rin akong magkamali sa kanila. But, it'll be a lot better if we're going to practice using them the right way.
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🏳️ Kung hindi pa naman masyadong mahaba ang talata, at iisang tao lang naman ang nagsalita, huwag mo na silang ihiwalay. Para gets kaagad na hindi pa nagrerespond ang kausap niya at kaniya pa rin ang dialogue at attribution na sumunod.
💤 Flashback dialogues do not have attribution. Hindi tuloy ako sure if dialogue iyon lahat ng iisang character or nagpapalitan sila. Sounded like iisang tao because of the structure.
🏳️Narrate sound effects and some expressions (e.g. Tsk, shhh). There are appropriate words and description for them. Do your research. Though okay lang naman since utilized siya in some books. But, we shouldn't settle sa okay lang.
