Terra Xanadu
By: Magical_melody
Fantasy
Taglish
Disclaimer: I am not a professional critic.
All details are just my opinion. I might be wrong; I might be right. I just provide A PERSPECTIVE that may help you improve your story. Kung paniniwalaan mo man o hindi, susundin mo o hindi, kaiinisan mo or hindi, ay depende na sa'yo.
Warning: The following contain word/s, phrases, sentences or paragraphs that may or may not hurt you. Please read at your own risk.
Legend:
💤 - 👎
🏅 - 👍 or ❤️
🏳️ - suggestions or corrections
🖇️🖇️🖇️🖇️🖇️
Overall rating: 7.5/10
🖇️🖇️🖇️🖇️🖇️
*Title
🏅Unique [I did my research and the title means luxurius/beautiful land].. Love it. Through reading, I learned that it is the name of the forbidden garden in the story. Terra means Earth and Xanadu means paradise. Hence, paradise in Earth. Kudos!
*Cover
🏅Your editor did a good job. Humahanga kasi talaga ako sa original digital artworks.
🏳️ Sana lang ay mas bold ang ginamit na font style sa pen name mo sa ibaba. Hindi kasi ito masyadong basa. Maaari ring gawing kulay violet/purple ito para maging balance sa mga bulaklak na nasa taas na bahagi ng cover.
🏅Ang ganda lahat ng cover na nakalagay sa "Book Covers" part. Bet na bet ko ang una, pangatlo at pang-apat! In my opinion, mas maganda ang mga ito kaysa sa kasalukuyan na book cover. The best para sa 'kin ang pang-apat na cover.
*Description
🏅Catchy enough. I was really intrigued sa last line.
*Language & Style
🏳️Move your book covers and character design sa simulang bahagi ng libro. Opinion ko lang naman kasi baka makasagabal pa ito habang naguupdate ka ng mga karagdagang chapters. Atleast 'pag nasa unahang bahagi ang dalawang parts ay hindi na ito magagalaw do'n.
🏅I love the character design! Gandang-ganda ako do' n sa una. Iyong pangalawa which is also the cover ay maganda rin naman. Mas detailed ito since may background na kasama. Mas highlighted lang kasi ang facial features doon sa unang version kaya mas gusto ko ito.
🏳️Use past tense in narration. May parts na present tense pero mostly ay naka-past tense naman. Be mindful na lang siguro to prevent inconsistencies.
🏳️There are parts na mas okay kung ang ginamit ay period or semicolon kaysa comma. Don't overuse the semicolon though. Use it moderately.
Ex:
[Orig] Death is better, I will not be used as a tool.
[Edit] Death is better. I will not be used as a tool.
[Orig] As I reached my destination, my feet stopped running, footsteps were no longer heard behind me.
[Edit] As I reached my destination, my feet stopped running; footsteps were no longer heard behind me.
🏳️ Proofread and edit incorrect grammars. Minimal lang naman and hindi masyadong affected ang reading experience.
🏳️Don't often begin your complex sentences with the subordinate clause. Okay lang na ganoon ang structure from time to time pero most of the time ay mas okay kung nasa hulihang bahagi pa rin ang subordinating clause.
🏳️Careful sa paggamit ng comma. Be mindful kung dapat mayro'n o wala at kung comma ba talaga or period. Do not try to "write by ear." It's a common idea that a comma indicates a pause where a someone should take a breath, but simply adding commas when you feel a break is needed is not a reliable way to make sure you're punctuating your sentences correctly. Careful din sa comma splice. A comma splice is when two independent clauses are incorrectly joined by a comma to make one sentence. To avoid comma splices, you first need to be able to identify an independent clause. There are three ways to fix a comma splice. First, you can split the part before the comma and the part after the comma into two complete sentences with a period. Second, you can join two independent clauses by adding a coordinating conjunction such as "and" after the comma. Finally, you can change one of the independent clauses to a dependent clause by adding a subordinating conjunction.
