Behind the Skies (Book 1 of Skies duology) | ✓

XXXII: C#7

XXXII: C#7

It's already been 10 minutes after she left and I am still standing in the middle of my four-cornered unit, feeling down because of what just had happened.

Ramdam ko ang bigat sa dibdib ko dahil sa eksenang naganap kanina. Is it really over? Wala naba talaga?

Did I pushed her too much to the extent that it made it easy for her to leave me? But why? All I want is to be heard. Hangad ko lang naman na marinig niya ang eksplenasyon ko pero bakit parang ako pa ang mali? Is this the price I pay for having a promiscuous lifestyle before I met her? Goddamn it, handa akong tanggapin lahat ng karma na ibabato sa akin, pero pwede bang wag siya? Can she be an exception? Agawin na lahat sa akin ng langit, wag lang siya.

Overthinking downgraded my whole sanity. Ramdam ko ang panghihina ng aking buong katawan. I know my illness made it possible for me to not feel tired or anything, but right now, I could say that I am feeling emotionally tired because of what just happened.

Ang bawat pag pikit na ginagawa ko ay tila ba portal para makita ko ang kaganapan na nangyari kanina. The way she stared at me appallingly without even hearing my side is like a stab on my chest. I lost her trust with a glimpse of an eye, and I think it is the most painful thing of all.

Hindi ko na inaksaya pang linisin ang mukha ko at lakas loob nang lumabas ng aking condo. I can't lose her for fvck's sake! She's the only thing I have.

Halatang-halata ang pagmamadali sa aking bawat paggalaw, umaasang mahahabol pa siya, pero agad rin akong natigilan ng makita ang pigura ng taong aking dapat ay pupuntahan.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad at tumitig sa kanya. Our distance is quite far from each other but I know it was her.

Nakatayo siya sa pader na nasa gilid lang ng elevator at naka-yuko. Her forehead is shut at the wall as her eyes are hardly closed... And in this empty hallway of the 10th floor, I almost died when I heard her quiet sobs permeating in every corners. This is the first time I saw her cry and it's damn painful!

Ang kanyang impit na pag-iyak ay nakakapanghina habang ang kanyang noo ay patuloy paring naka-dikit sa malamig na pader, it's as if the wall could calm her down.

Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko sa aking dibdib ay lumala. Guilt crept my sanity as I walk slowly towards her direction. She is in a side-view position kaya't paniguradong hindi ako nito napansin lalo na't nakapikit parin ang mga mata nito.

And when I finally got to see her clearly, kitang-kita ko kung gaano kadiin ang pagkaka-kuyumos ng mga kamay niya habang nakahawak rin sa pader. Her shoulders are trembling as she fight the urge not to create loud sounds from her sobs, but it couldn't help her.

My knees weakened as I positioned my body at her back, giving her the tightest hug I'd ever give.

Bigla siyang huminto sa pag hikbi kasabay ng bahagyang pagtaas ng kanyang balikat dahil sa gulat. Mas lalo ko pang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa kanya hanggang sa maamoy ko ang kanyang pamilyar na amoy. Axe.

“Love.. sorry.. I didn't mean it..” — bulong ko sa kanyang tainga kasabay ng sunod-sunod na pag tulo ng aking luha.

At sa oras na marinig niya ang aking boses, agad ring kumawala ang mga luhang panandalian niyang inihinto.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal sa ganoong posisyon, basta't naramdaman ko nalang ang unti-unti niyang pag ikot para tumaharap sa akin.

“L-love, I'm taking it back.. wag hiwalay please.. ayoko ng hiwalay..” — I almost beg, still touching her waist for a better access.