Behind the Skies (Book 1 of Skies duology) | ✓

XV: C major

XV: C major

After I spilled what's bugging into my mind, Li doesn't speak up. Nasa ibang bahagi parin ako naka-tingin kaya naman ay hindi ko makita ang kasalukuyang reaksiyon niya. Is she shocked? Damn, I don't know.

Nervousness is running in every single veins in my body. At pakiramdam ko ay ikaka-sabog ko iyon. Mas lalo pang nagpa-kaba sa akin ang katotohanang halos dalawang minuto na ang nakaka-lipas mula ng aking pag-amin ay wala manlang siyang sinabing kahit anong salita.

In slow turn, I face at her only to see her wrinkled forehead while looking at the other direction as well. I sighed. Kung sakaling tatanggihan niya ako sa pangalawang pagkakataon, I am already damn ready.. or maybe not? Pero kakayanin ko.

“You... what?” — mahinang bulong niya habang nasa ibang bahagi paring naka-tingin.

I bite my lower lip. Mabuti nalang talaga at malakas ang ulan dahilan para medyo maibsan ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. Ang matinding dilim rin ang nagsisilbing dahilan para hindi niya makita ang pinaghalong hiya, kaba, at takot na namumuo ngayon sa mukha ko. Kahit sobrang lakas ng ulan ay ramdam ko ang pamamawis ko. Goddamn it.

“I like you Li..” — I murmured, reassuring that she would be able to feel my sincerity. Again, I sighed. “Hindi ko alam kung paano nag simula pero gusto kita. Everything about you attracts me bigtime. From the way you pluck your guitar, from the way you sing, on how you play basketball, your addiction to the galaxy and beyond it, from your hairy legs, from your loud, fast, and deep voice, from the way you sip your iced coffee or gatorade, from the way you smile, from your sucking rumors, from your knowledgeable wisdom, and everything.. Lahat-lahat ng iyon ay gusto ko, Li..” — I added with full of honesty. Damn I am already here, itatanggi ko paba? Tulad nga ng sabi ko, kung tatanggihan man niya ang nararamdaman ko, bukal kong tatanggapin iyon. “I like you so damn much that it kills me.” — muling usal ko.

Narinig ko ang pag singhap niya dahil sa huling sinabi ko. I don't know if it is from a shock or what.

Hindi muli siya nag salita kaya ay napa-pikit ako ng mariin. Good lord, I hope I don't lose her right now just because I confessed. Kahit friendship ayos na sakin.

“I avoided you because I am too scared.. noong nasa isla kasi tayo ay nasabi mong hindi mo kayang suklian ang nararamdaman ko. Natakot ako Li.. and with that, I know that I needed to guard my heart. I can't let myself fall deeper from you, but damn! Mas lalo ata akong nahuhulog.” — tiim bagang kong usal. Naghuhumarentado na ang puso ko sa kaba pero pilit ko paring sinasabi ang lahat sa kanya. I think anytime from now, I could cry. I can sense that my nervousness is being diverted into tears. “Alam kong hindi mo 'ko gusto at nirerespeto ko iyon... Sorry for liking you, Li.. pero gusto kong malaman mo na bago ako umamin sayo ay pinigilan ko. I just really can't.” — dugtong ko atsaka nagpakawala ng isang malakas at malalim na buntong hininga, thinking that it could help to ease the pain that's slowly raging inside my chest. “Would I be selfish if I ask na sana pagkatapos ng pag-amin kong 'to, sana ganto parin tayo? I know you don't like me, yes. But Li, I want you to know na handa akong tanggapin lahat ng kaya mo lang ibigay. Kahit tira-tira nalang. I'm willing to degrade myself just not to lose you.” — bulong ko pero sapat na para marinig niya.