rainbow boy - minsung

just kidding

as our conversation wrapped up the cooking was complete. two pairs of reusable chopsticks and nice ramen bowls had been set out and felix decorated the ramen perfectly with a slice of pork, a soft boiled egg, some green onion, and little fish cakes we had laying around to snack on.

"dinner is served."

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the air smelt of sweet and spice. of warm soup and fresh pork. it look delicious! felix really was a master at this cooking thing now wasn't he?

"lix this looks amazing! thanks a ton." immediately i placed the chopsticks properly in my hand and began to slurp at the homemade noodles. the broth had such a tangy yet sweet taste and the noodles were cooked to a soft perfection. i couldn't help but rush to eat more and more.

"take a minute to enjoy the food there, ji." felix laughed with a mouthful of food . he was the type of person to eat the toppings first and then just the noodles by themself. i mixed in all the add ins to get a whole bunch of flavor mixed in one.

"so. you want to tell changbin, right? when are you gonna do that?" i asked him . i took a calming breath after stuffing my face for quite some time now.

"i really do. i think it would be good for me to open up. you don't think i'm getting to head of myself do you? maybe i should think it out more." i think that would be a good idea. as proud as i was for felix maybe he should take it a bit slow.

"if you think you need more time, then just give it more time. " my mind suggested. this situation made me think a lot about myself too. i wish i could be as proud of my sexuality as felix or just take more time to think it out to explain to everyone the truth.

my selfish ways were just going to hurt everyone. and as much as i know emma was right to break up , i wasn't going to let it happen. i mean she did say that i wouldn't be at fault in this situation right? maybe she'd still take that blame.

shit. i really am selfish now aren't i... this isn't right. but until then , let me just help felix out. i would rather help everyone solve their issues before fixing my own, even though at this point the issue might start to actually become everyone else's issue as well.

"i mean.. i've been thinking about it since early december and that night at minhos when he came out. like. 'what if i liked boys? do i like boys? maybe i should think about this.' all became thoughts in my head and i just thought that i should be open about something like that with my friends because if you were truly my friend then you wouldn't judge me. i mean you didn't judge minho so why would i be different. you get that right, ji? we'd never judge you for something like that. " woah. he just. are we sure he isn't on to me cause i'm kind of scared.

maybe felix was suspecting something or maybe emma had told him something. i mean she wasn't that type of person so i think it's all just irony at this point. "well. i think it's up to you whether you tell bin or not. i don't want you to get upset over the results if it's a no. "

i wasn't even paying attention to the fact that my ramen was already half eaten. or well. i couldn't see anymore noodles submerged under the broth. just my egg and my pork so i ate those quickly to continue the conversation and finish up.

"actually i have another thing i feel kind of guilty for not telling you but it was years ago and kind of stupid. it bothers me a bit though. promise me you won't laugh." felix couldn't help but try not to laugh at what he was about to state.

"oh . yea. what's up?" at this point what else did he have to tell me. i mean if he thought it was stupid then hopefully it wasn't anything to worry about.

"i know your gay." just like when minho got the chapstick for christmas i spit my broth all over myself. "WHAT." i yelled before wiping it all off of wherever it spilled, and the broth was still a bit hot too.

"just kidding. someone with a girlfriend like emma has no way of being gay." he laughed. "funny how i fooled you though. the reaction was priceless." felix used his hand to sweep the remaining broth from his chin and cleaned our bowls up.

"i actually wanted to tell you i had a crush on emma in 8th grade. but i haven't for like , two years now? i mean lets be honest. who hasn't had a crush on emma? and you, my friend, are dating her now." felix turned the sink faucet on and the sound of running water broke me from my deep thoughts about all he was saying. "i actually think the only people who hadn't had a crush on emma would be minho, since he's bi, and hyunjin. maybe she's not his type."

why was so much talking going on. why was there so much to process. there was words flying everywhere and some would just fly into me and make me overwhelmed and scared, my stomach was twisting in knots.

"but anyways thanks for letting me stay for dinner. the sun is setting and my momma is gonna be here soon and we're gonna head home. i'll definitely think about telling changbin how i feel and i'll get back to you." felix picked up his little white backpack and marched over to me and give me a big hug til i almost popped.

"bye jisung!" he called before walking out the door. i waved back and gave a proud and happy smile. i hope things go well for the fragile boy. he deserves so much love.