beautiful lie

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"but hey..." minho spoke again. he moved us again. it was back. as if i predicted it. i could again taste sweet vanilla sugar on my lips. but it lasted longer and wasn't as forced . just soft and simple. i didn't want to end it.

"thank you."
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our vacation continued. it was truly a journey. made me realize the beautiful lies i was telling. and how a painful truth would have to come out of this.

minho and i had shared another kiss after the one on the roof. we've become rather open about it. he asks me if he's comfortable with what he did and i replied im more than happy.

but tonight it was christmas eve. two more days had passed and we had started to settle for the night.

we had a good time that night. went a little like this.

it started up in the loft. after wrapping our last gifts we both settled down and i took a short shower . minho and i sat on his bed together. his was furthest from the window so he wouldn't freeze and i would.

he had a soft comb and he brushed my hair. it felt really nice but a knot here and there made me flinch.
"i'm sorry, ji. i'm almost done." the bed shifted a bit so minho could finish parting my hair properly and comb it all down. it was pretty dry by now so the knots were worse. minho still had my sweatshirt on all these days later. he wore it to bed every night and refused to return it until my smell faded off.

he said it smelt like berries and hugs. i never had any of his clothes. the only scent i knew was the taste of his chapstick. why was smell so important to him though? maybe it just brought back moments and memories.

"there." minho placed the comb down by our sides on the bed and rested his head in the crook of my neck, just closing his eyes and relaxing. his arms went around my waist and pulled me closer.

by now this was the normal. emma had been aware too. and as much as she thought it was adorable, we both realized the pain we were putting minho through right now. she wants me to tell him but i can't ruin a holiday for him. maybe some day. i hope nothing comes out of this negative. i hope we can fake break up or chris can calm down before anyone says anything.

the night continued. we were laying in minhos bed as his mom cleaned up a bit. all we did was play with snapchat filters and watch stupid youtube videos. minhos head was on my shoulder.

the lights of the cabin shut off in a few moments though. it was time to settle down. "goodnight boys!" minhos mother called out after switching off the lights.

"alright. i should head to bed." we turned toward each other at the same moment as if hugging each other goodnight. but minho didn't want me to go. a while ago we had accidentally fallen asleep together but... was it ok to happen now? should i let him go for the night or keep these moments? god so many choices.

minho was curled into my chest at this point. i held his head with my arms and made sure he felt safe. "will you be warm enough tonight, jisung ? i-im sorry i gave you that bed." minho apologized. he lifted his head to look at mine. his fingers brushed away some long hairs out of my face.

"don't worry about me, ok ?" i whispered. "as long as your warm and comfortable." i stated. i could care less about me. as long as minho was safe.

"im comfortable right now." minho stated. he shifted closer to me. just like our dance our foreheads went together. minho didn't hesitate to leave a small kiss on my forehead. and i didn't hesitate to giggle.

the christmas lights from the loft made this moment seem softer and more perfect . this was probably the most comfortable moment we had so far. one time i was beat up, the next it was freezing on a roof, and then we were learning how to dance terribly but this.

this felt just right.

his eyes. they sparkled again. twinkling with little white stars from the strung up lights. i just had to compliment them...

"your eyes." i said quickly. not exactly knowing how to compliment someone? "i .. i think they're pretty."

minho gave me his smirk. i kind of missed the smirk. he hadn't been pissed off at me this week or making sarcastic moves. was this what his way of being in love was? i hadn't figured out what my way of falling in love was but, everyone has it different dont they?

"you're really bad at this, jisung." he laughed silently. making sure his mother and cats wouldn't wake or get bothered he silenced me.

i whispered from then on. i think i was too loud.
"sorry..i didn't mean to be loud i'm just- heh, i'm just really bad with all of this but i really do think your eyes are-"

back again? and so soon. it had only been two days since. surly it was a one time thing. i mean i had no problem with it but. who knew that warm vanilla chapstick would be such a familiar thing to taste at this point. but i liked it.

minho had tried to make it quick and pull away but i just. i wanted to kiss him again myself. and so i did. i brought him back and did it again. but it was kind of hard to lay down so we sat up now.

the moment had lasted a minute or two but it was all sweet and soft. just little touches and none of that gross dirty kissing that the people in movies do.

minho had made the final touch. we smiled and just silently laughed for a minute "after that i don't think it's much to ask that you sleep here tonight. please?" minho asked.

i gave my final peck to his forehead and agreed. "of course. let me get my blanket." it was weird leaving his touch after a moment like that but a few seconds to myself to realize what happened made my heart break. this was all just a lie. a beautiful lie that would one day be brought out.

for every kiss i touch to him the lie gets worse. for the nights i sleep in the same bed as the boy the lies get worse. ill have to call emma tomorrow... she had to have figured it out by now. but minho...

minho was going to truly feel pain one day... wasn't he.

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