The Etiquette of Smoking

ケツを食ベる

I'd been working at Club 88 for about a month and a half and had made some really good friends out of my coworkers. I found myself going out more than I ever had in the few years I'd been living in Brooklyn. Monday or Tuesdays I'd be called out to lunch with the group or to an early dinner before game night. Once, we went bowling and I'd completely embarrassed myself by coming in dead last with nearly all gutter balls. Max joked that next time they would put up the bumpers for me.

Speaking of Max, Ian mentioned to me at work one night that next week would be his birthday and that instead of game night we'd be going to some really big arcade Max always wanted to go to. Max had given me a quick tour of his bedroom to show off his massive collection of video games and toys. He had two large bookshelves full of video games, movies, pop vinyls, plushies, toys, consoles, and even more in his closet so the arcade felt appropriate.

Things at home weren't going as great. I suspect Gavin had begun to grow jealous of the time I spent with my friends because every time I'd tell him where I was going, he would roll his eyes and start complaining. When his snide comments and glares at my phone when I got text messages grew more frequent, I knew it would only get worse. He hadn't commanded anything yet, likely aware that telling me to stop socializing with friends would look bad on him, but I could sense his growing frustration. I'd tried to talk to him about it once by sitting him down and asking him if he wanted to join or if I could host at our apartment, but I was met with brick wall silence.

I felt bad for not having paid that much attention to Gavin, I really did, but I was having more fun in the last few weeks than I ever had before. Joking and being silly only felt natural in front of Niki at first, then slowly spread to being more comfortable within the group. Dancing stupidly whenever a song I liked came on and making awful jokes that I normally wouldn't at home because at home I'm met with comments like "maybe keep that to yourself."

Something about being around these people made me feel like a different person in only a few weeks.

Max's birthday was on Saturday night but since we all had to work that night, we were going out on Monday night instead. I had been finishing up my makeup in the bathroom when the door opened and Gavin came in behind me as I was sitting on the bathroom counter with my legs tucked in the sink. He looked me in the eyes through the mirror.

"Hey." I greeted, swiping black mascara through my eyelashes.

"Where are you going?" It sounded more like an accusation than a question, but I shook that off and answered him like I didn't already know what he was about to do.

"Max's birthday, I told you last week." I replied gently, popping the mascara wand back into the tube and inspecting my eyes. I'd done a pretty shitty job but moved on to the lipstick anyway. I pulled a pinkish nude lipstick from my small makeup bag beside me as Gavin grunted his displeasure.

"Oh," He mumbled. Our eyes locked in the mirror again as I swiped the stick across my bottom lip. I looked away to fix any lipstick that fell out of the boundary of my lips and capped the stick. "Well, I was hoping we could watch a movie together since I don't have work tonight."

I turned my head over my shoulder to look at him then. I knew he was slowly starting to find ways to keep me home. He didn't like me going out, even with friends, and made that clear over the years. I knew it wasn't okay but the look on his face didn't keep the guilt from crashing into me and drowning me. Maybe that's why I always let him have his way.

"You hate watching movies." I replied slowly, feeling a lump form in my throat. Every interaction with him was like this. Never a single desire for time with me unless it's to keep me here.

"Yeah, but I know you like it so..." was his response as he shifted his feet uncomfortably. I didn't reply, instead choosing to grab a clear lip gloss from my makeup bag and apply a single coat to my lips. I pulled my legs out of the sink and swung them around the counter to hang off the side, feeling the tingly pain that came when they were asleep.