The Etiquette of Smoking

Slide Away

I was awoken by the shrill ringing of my cell phone. Small beams of sunlight that streamed in through the cracks of the blinds on the window shone right into my eyes, making me bring my right hand over my face to act as a shield. My phone rang loudly again, pulling my attention back to the reason I was even awake. I tried looking around but the strange sensation of my head rubbing against a hard surface made me look up at a head of thick, messy charcoal hair. Joji. My left hand was outstretched above my head, caught inside of his while he slept. Flutterings exploded in my chest, sending my heart into overdrive and forcing me to catch my breath. The phone rang once again, demanding my attention. 

Regrettably, I slid my hand out from his, feeling his fingers twitch with my retreat, and his eyebrows furl. I sat up, dropping the blanket that had mysteriously appeared on me, and reached over the back of the couch to grab my discarded bag. I dug inside my bag for my phone that was buzzing and screeching at me to see an incoming call from Gavin. My stomach dropped. 

I accepted the call and tried my best not to sound as bad as I felt.

"Hello?" I whispered, pulling my body back over the couch and glancing over at George to make sure I hadn't woken him. He was lying face down as I had been. His mouth pressed into the couch cushion hung slightly open, back rising and falling with his deep breaths.

"Olivia, where the fuck are you?!" Gavin screamed at me from the other end, making me cringe and turn the volume down on my phone. I stood from the couch, feeling Joji's black hoodie that I'd worn all night brush against my thighs. I knew this conversation was going to be a bad one, so I decided I'd rather not have it front of Joji, sleeping or otherwise.

"I... hold on." I whispered back to the phone, sliding in between George and the coffee table and making my way out of the living room. When I got to the kitchen, I spoke a little louder.

"Gav, I had the worst night. This man, h-he touched me and--" 

"Where. Are. You?" Gavin asked again, grinding out each word. Would I tell him everything? Would I tell him how I agreed to walk into a sex store at 3am with my friends and stayed the night in their apartment? It was the truth but judging by his tone, he wouldn't care what my explanations were. I didn't come home last night and nothing I could say would make him understand. It shouldn't have been this difficult, but this was Gavin.

I didn't know what to say, but I did feel the same overwhelming guilt that had consumed me last night begin to sear into me now. I'd put myself in this situation and I'd lied so much about where I was all the time to Gavin for fear of him getting mad at me for hanging out with other men. I couldn't keep lying.

"I'm at my friend's apartment," I answered him lowly, opening the apartment door and stepping out into the hallway, thoughts devoid of shoes. I simply wanted to get out of the apartment before the conversation intensified any more. "They were with me last night when it happ--" 

"Text me Niki's address, I'm on my way." Gavin grunted after cutting me off again. I was making my way down the hall to the rooftop entrance when I stopped to look down at Joji's sweatshirt that I was wearing and felt dread fill me at the thought of Gavin seeing me like this. Even if I took the hoodie off, I was still wearing that fucking pink corset underneath. I was fucked. 

"I'm not at Niki's." I said with my eyes closed, mentally preparing for the onslaught. "I'm with the guys." I stepped outside onto the roof, instantly being blinded by the morning sun as it gleamed over the horizon in the East, almost completely risen. I pushed the cinderblock in between the door and the frame and moved to go sit in the spot I'd sat with Joji for the first time almost 2 months ago. 

Silence followed my admission.

"Are you fucking joking?" Gavin hissed from the other end. I gulped as the shame I'd grown accustomed to flooded me.