The Etiquette of Smoking

Growth is Betrayal

"Pfft, oh please! Kissing isn't cheating." Niki rolled her eyes before lifting the rim of her mug to her face and taking a sip of the piping hot coffee inside. My fingers gripped the handle of my own mug, my bandaged knuckles brushing against the ceramic.

"It's not being faithful." I countered, my eyes sliding up to her brown ones. She put her cup down.

"Yeah well neither is fucking some rando on the couch." She shrugged. "Don't stress yourself over what that flaming pile of shit has to say anyway." She waved her hand, dismissing the subject over conversation. I couldn't really blame her; we'd been talking about him for almost 45 minutes now as I expressed my regrets and guilt to her.

"Yeah but if it wasn't for me--"

"His actions are not your responsibility." She glared deeply at me, her focus unwavering as she looked me straight in the eye. She'd uttered the same words to me earlier in our conversation and now ground them out for me again. The frown that had been etched on my face the entire conversation, remained.

"Please just let me say how sor--" She cut me off again, waving her hands in front of my face until I stopped. She shook her head back and forth.

"No. I won't accept any form of apology from you because you have nothing to apologize for. Shit happens. It won't be my last audition so don't stress!" She flashed me a smile and tucked her brunette hair behind one ear before picking up her mug again and taking a sip.

My coffee remained untouched despite the fact I hadn't slept more than a couple hours last night. Guilt weighed so heavily in my gut and I couldn't shake it. George and Niki didn't blame me but I couldn't let it go.

Max had texted me an hour or so ago to let me know that he and Ian picked up Joji from the hospital and that he was sleeping safely at home. Understandably, Joji wouldn't be working with the rest of us tonight.

Niki and I went to the boys' place with a few hours left before work. I still had yet to speak to the guys and apologize, but based on Niki and Joji's reactions, I doubt they'd allow me to anyway.

I used my key, letting myself and Niki into the apartment where the strong, distinguishable odor of marijuana wafted to my nose. In the living room, Ian, Max, and Chad were getting baked, passing around a pipe and lighter and coughing out smoke. Niki waved the smoke away from her face as she moved around the couch to take a seat.

"I see you nerds have been busy." She commented, taking a seat beside Ian and pulling out her phone. Chad was hacking up a lung, holding his closed fist over his mouth and doubled over. Ian let his finger off of a hole in the pipe and handed it to Max beside him, looking at me and Niki.

"Can you blame us?" He asked when he finally let out his breath and smoke billowed from his mouth and nose like a dragon. Max lifted his head to look behind him at me. His eyes red rimmed and lazy.

"Oy, how's it goin?" He greeted me, lifting the small green pipe up in offering. I shook my head no and looked down the hall at George's closed door.

"Hey guys." I gave a sad smile in return, not completely willing to put up the façade of making the smile look more genuine. "He sleeping?"

Max shook his head, setting the pipe down on the cluttered coffee table in front of him and picking up a bottle of soda.

"Nah, he should be awake. I just talked to him 20 minutes ago." Max said before taking a large swig of his drink and turning away from me. I made my way to his room, knocking lightly on the wood and leaning closer to the door to listen for a response.

"Come in." His quiet voice called from the other side. I opened the door, my heart clenching at the sight of Joji lying in bed covered in bruises. A gash that had been stitched above his right eye was covered in a bandage. His lip was very swollen and purple, the stitches kept the bulging skin together. The thin skin under his eye was bruised, leaving a reddish-purple ring where his puffy pale bags used to be.