The Etiquette of Smoking

Please Go Back to Sleep

At Ian's insistence, I went to see a shrink. I could at least give it one more try before I let him know it wasn't for me. I took the train alone, not really wanting to bother anyone to drive me. My stomach had been hurting all week and I found it hard to eat or sleep.

I saw Joji every day. His face was looking a lot better and the swelling had gone down a lot. Ethan told him to take as much time off as he needed but Joji insisted on coming back next week, when the doctor said it was alright. He just needed to be careful eating, drinking alcohol and avoid getting into any more fist fights.

He was in high spirits though, which was both shocking and simultaneously expected. George had his days, sure, but he was an optimist at heart.

A couple times I'd spend the night at his apartment, staying up late watch scary Japanese psychological thrillers and delicately feeding him goldfish snacks. Being around him was the highlight of my day.

So, for him, I'm doing this.

I got off at the train station in lower Manhattan and came face to face with a gusty breeze of cool New York air. I could have chosen a place closer to home, sure, but after I spent all night online looking up therapists, I found this one at the corner of Broadway and Walker. Supposedly this man was the best around and just so happened to be one of the few available in my insurance network.

It was October 2nd. Fall was unofficially here and I honestly couldn't be happier about summer being over. It was bittersweet. While this summer brought me a new job, new friends, a new apartment, and the love of my life; at the same time, it brought with it a lot of bad memories, pain, trauma, and heartbreak.

Losing Gavin wasn't as easy internally as I thought it would be. Yes, I dropped off a lot of stress and abuse, but I lost my childhood best friend at the same time. My only hope for him is that he gets help for his alcoholism and childhood traumas and gets back on his medication. I may never see him again, in fact, I nearly guarantee it, but I still wish the best for him. I suppose that kind of well-wishing is the only kind you understand if you've been in a similar position with someone.

It was a short walk down the street from Canal street station to the shrink's office. Everyone I passed by was bundled up as if it were already winter. Hats, gloves, scarves, coats. I'd never seen so many people walk past me looking like high fashion clothing ads. New Yorker style was one I would never understand, yet always remain envious of.

Pushing through the glass doors into the small office was like stepping into a spa. Lit candles surrounded the room, flickering with warm light. Music so low that I could barely register it played from overhead through speakers in the ceiling. The receptionist greeted me from her seat behind a fancy, glossy wooden desk.

"Hi there, how can I help you?" She called to me. I recalled my attention back to her after staring at the framed photographs of vibrant green hills and cliffsides overlooking the ocean.

"Hi, sorry. Um, my name is Olivia Copeland, I have an appointment with doctor... uh..." Shit. I forgot the shrink's name.

"That's alright, what's your date of birth?"

"May 19th --" I was cut off by a vibration in my pocket. The receptionist clicked away on her keyboard distractedly so I used the opportunity to pull my phone out and check the notification.

JojiVlogs: Hey where you at?

"I found you. Please take a seat, she'll be right out to come get you." The woman said, pointing me to the small seating area behind me. I nodded and thanked her before taking my seat and slid my phone open to reply to George.