Taking Chances

17. Breathe

Friday morning would come along and today, Stevie would actually go into work for the first time, so she could physically bring her reports in and see what she needed to do next and check up on what was going on in the workplace. Then would come the weekend and hopefully a normal schedule would be at hand.

And like any normal day since her husband had been home, she came down to start coffee or tea while he was seated at the table in his pajamas.

"Morning," she mumbled a little only because she was just waking up and as she approached the coffee maker, there was already coffee in it.

"Yeah..." he rubbed his eyes and went back to cradling his cup, staring into space.

Glancing over at him, "Have you slept?" she asked.

"No..." he pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, I couldn't sleep at all. I tried, but I couldn't. So, I got up an hour ago and I decided to make some coffee. I'll make more."

"Thanks," she assured as she pulled her mug down. "Is there a reason you couldn't sleep?"

"Just thinking about what they might have found... We didn't get a call last night and I've been thinking about it since we got home."

After fixing her coffee the way she liked, she came over to sit with him to relish in a couple minutes of peace before she had to get ready and before their kids got up. "Lindsey, I told you I'd be by your side through this. I will help you get through it if it is bad."

He nodded and put his head down.

Setting her hand over his, she let the pad of her thumb rub the back, "I'm gonna take care of you."

"I just don't see how you are going to do that, Stevie."

"Why?"

"Because, you're seeing somebody else."

"Is that what this is about?" she sighed as she leaned back in her chair, her hand sliding away from his. "It is way too early for this and I haven't had enough coffee in my system."

"No, I'm not talking about us. Think about it, Stevie. How are you going to explain to a man that you seem to be fond of that you're taking care of your soon to be ex-husband, hm? Did you think about that? There are things that you just don't think about; he's gonna be upset if you don't spend time with him. He's gonna hate the fact that you're with me when you should be with him. I don't know why you think you can have it both ways. Does he even notice your wedding ring when you go out?"

She stayed quiet when she realized how riled up he seemed to be getting.

"Stevie, none of it makes any fucking sense! Push all the plans aside and use some Goddamn common sense," he pushed away from the table and he slammed it in before running his fingers through his hair.

"You need to calm down," she stated lowly as she stood up. "Look at me and listen good."

He obeyed, his eyes meeting hers clearly for the first time in many hours.

"What I do should not concern anybody. If there really is something wrong with you, I will take the time off and work from home if I have to. And if he's half the man I think he is, he won't care that I'm taking care of you. Depending on what does happen, I can be taking care of you till you heal or die and still there should be no question to my actions."

Deep down, he was stunned to hear her admit that she didn't know Ben or even defend him. He also took her words into consideration and he realized he wasn't half the man he should have been to her. Even now, he was more or less throwing a sobriety based frustration tantrum. But the truth was, he was still struggling to feel himself for who he really was and that came with a price it seemed.