ONNAXOFF

Chapter 36

Abel

I’m jolted awake so suddenly, I tumble off the couch and hit the wooden floor with a thud. Aching from more than just the fall, I sit up and wipe the cold sweat from my face. What the fuck was I dreaming about? Seconds ago, I was terrified and now the only thing I’m left with is a vague feeling of being trapped.
I sigh heavily. It’s time for a sober day.

I’ve been going so hard in the studio lately, popping, rolling, sipping, doing whatever it takes to get in my zone. It’s been paying off in terms of production; in just two weeks, I’ve completed two songs and I’m almost done with a third. But by the end of last night, I could barely breathe, and felt like my heart could stop any minute, which is precisely why I need to take a day off to detox.

As I head upstairs to take a shower, I resolutely list the reasons why I’m not going to let Sober Day be the usual pain-in-my-ass day, spent alone, feeling like shit and being able to do nothing about it.

Firstly, it’ll give me a chance to listen to the song Doc and I finished last night, with nothing mind-altering in my system. The track started off as a simple experiment to see if we still had the same magical chemistry as we used to. Naturally, we do.
After just two brainstorming sessions, I was in the booth, melodically talking shit over a sick beat. It felt like no time at all had passed since we worked on Trilogy.

Plus, I’ll be able to drive. Something I haven’t done in weeks. After I pick up Hawk’s birthday present in town, I’m going to go surprise Jessie. Another side effect of being in the zone: I haven’t seen her in almost a week.

By the time I get in the shower, I’m in such a good mood, even the vivid, yet oddly nonspecific nightmare I had can’t kill my vibe.

___________

“Abel!” Jessie grins widely when she opens the door. “I didn’t know you were coming over…”
“Surprise. Is this a bad time? You got someone over or something?”
“No, don’t worry. I shooed my other boyfriend out of the window when you rang the doorbell.” With a quick peck on the lips, she lets me into her messy living room. I hang up my rain-soaked jacket and look around. Every available surface is covered with photographs.
“What is that heavenly scent?” She hungrily eyes the bag of food in my hand as she ties up her hair. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yeah, I got some food from the café. Liz says hi, by the way.”
“Yes! You’ve got amazing timing. I’m starving.” She grins as I hand her the bag.  
Disregarding the photo-covered couch, she sits cross-legged on the fluffy rug and happily digs into a cheeseburger as if it’s the first piece of food she’s seen in days. I kick off my shoes and sit down, feeling like we’re having some kind of indoor picnic.

“So what’s with all the photos?” I pick one off the coffee table and find myself looking at a pretty picture of the sun setting over the living room in LA. Barely visible in the shadowy corner, I’m playing the piano. I don’t remember her taking this.
Another picture is taken at the exact moment Lamar is smugly shoving Hawk into the pool.
“I’m trying to choose the ones that are going to get put up on the picture wall.” She answers.
“What picture wall?” I smile as I look through a few more interesting photographs.
“That's my picture wall.” She points to the most sparsely decorated wall in her apartment.
"There is only one picture on it..." I note, before finally starting on my burger.
"One picture so far." She corrects me. "Eventually, it's going to be full of cool photos and memories from my adventures.”
“I see.” I nod. “Good luck with that.” There must be at least 200 photos lying around.
“I’m gonna need it. It’s kind of a nightmare trying to narrow it down. I had no idea I took so many, but at the same time, I’m glad I did.” She beams, putting the half-eaten burger on pause and grabbing some fries. “So, how’s the new music coming along?”
“Great. Just finished a track last night.” I answer. “Wanna hear it?” The words come out of my mouth before I can think about what I’m saying.
“For real? Fuck yeah.” She says enthusiastically.
A few awkward seconds pass where I stare at her, trying to figure out how to back out of my offer. Coming up with nothing, I get up and walk over to the speakers and put my phone in the dock. I complete the steps calmly, like I play my unreleased music for her all the time.
There’s a reason she doesn’t get to hear it. Unlike most people I play my shit for, if she doesn’t like it, I know she won’t sugar coat her opinion for the sake of my ego. Also, I’m not sure she’ll understand that I didn’t record the song as Abel, I did it as The Weeknd.
“Now before you start thinking too much about what I’m singing, it’s all subconscious bullshit. A mix of stuff trapped in my head, past experiences with an element of fantasy.” I babble defensively.
The narrative of this song happens to involve, among other things, me having sex on the floor with a skinny model. Something which I obviously haven’t done. Recently.
“Alright, alright, gotcha. Do you do this weird apologising-explaining thing with all your listeners? Just start the song.” She grins excitedly. I take a deep breath and press play.