Finding my mum

22- going to Eddies grave

On the way to Eddies grave, Chloe and I talked more about him.

Me: "you know you said earlier that Ashley blames himself"
Chloe: "yeah"
Me: "why?"
Chloe: "you can't tell him that I've told you what I'm about to tell you"
Me: "what's said in the car stays in the car"
Chloe: "we were on the way to tell my parents about the baby, we'd been at his parents in the morning, which hadn't gone well. The journey was going as it should be, then his phone went off and he tried to answer it even though I could have. Anyway he took his eyes off the road as a drunk driver had fallen asleep at the wheel and was coming towards us. I yelled but it was to late we collided. Ashley's side was hit worse. I only had minor injuries but was kept in because of being pregnant. During the night I started getting pains which I soon realised were contractions. About two hours after my labour had started Eddie was born and taken to the ward. Ashley blamed himself for Eddie coming early then he passed away a few days later which destroyed Ashley."

After Chloe had told me what had happened I now understood it more and why Ashley didn't like talking about Eddie.

Once we got to the cemetery, I followed Chloe to his grave. I let Chloe take the lead on how she wanted it to go. There was a bench opposite Eddies grave that I went to sit on while Chloe was talking to him. It didn't feel right being there but I didn't want to go back to the car in case she needed me. I sat there trying to get my head around everything.