Finding my mum

55- Janette's birthday weekend

I couldn't believe that I was actually spending Janette's birthday with her. Strictly was in Blackpool like it was every year for Janette's birthday weekend. Ashley and Chloe were coming as well as they hadn't been to Blackpool in years. I'd never been to Blackpool so I couldn't wait to spend more time with Noah and the strictly cast.

Ashley, Chloe and I travelled up with everyone which made the train journey more fun. Ashley and Chloe sat in a two seater behind us while I sat at a table seat with Noah next to me, Janette and Aljaz opposite us and Stacey, Kevin and Amy on the table seats opposite from us. I was worried about Chloe but she said that she was alright; I made her promise to tell either me or Ashley if she wasn't which she agreed to.

After we arrived in Blackpool, we walked past the pier, tower and arcades. I couldn't wait to explore Blackpool properly. We all went to the hotel to check in and leave our bags in our rooms before going for dinner. Amy, Stacey, Janette, Aljaz, Kevin and Noah were going to go and explore before dinner and wanted to know if I wanted to go with them; part of me wanted to stay with Chloe but she convinced me to go with them. "Promise you'll call me if you need me" "I will. I'll be fine with Ashley and we can catch up later. Go have fun with the others, then you can tell me all about it when you get back" "love you" "love you too my little princess"

I quickly text Janette to tell her that I'd meet them by reception and got ready to leave. Ashley and Chloe were going to curl up and watch tv then we'd go for dinner together when I got back.

As soon as I was ready, I headed downstairs to meet the others. I couldn't wait to spend some time with them and to explore Blackpool. Noah was fast asleep so Nadiya had offered to look after him while we were out.

We started at the tower; I'd never realised how tall and beautiful the views are from the top. Janette, Amy, Stacey and I took loads of pictures at the top of the tower with Aljaz and Kevin acting as our camera men; we took some group pictures as well which was a lot of fun. Amy took me to see inside the ballroom and told me about how she got into dancing. Once we'd finished in the tower we went along the pier; deciding that we'd go on the rides on Sunday before we had to leave. "Who's brave enough to go paddling?" Kevin asked. Janette, Stacey and Amy decided against it but I yelled race you, quickly took my shoes and socks off and raced the boys to the sea. They weren't impressed when I won.

Stacey really wanted to go to the arcades so we headed up and had a competition to see who could win the most prizes on the slot machines; I paired up with Amy, Janette and Aljaz were a team and Stacey and Kevin. To say that we were all competitive was an understatement.

Janette and Aljaz won. Nadiya text to say that Noah was awake so we knew that we'd have to go back to the hotel. Nadiya was waiting for us in the hotel reception. Noah got excited when he saw us. "Do you want to join us for dinner?" "I promised Chloe that I'd have dinner with her and Ashley. Thanks for the invite though. I'll see you guys later and thanks for a fun few hours" "if you change your mind you're welcome to join us. Glad you had fun"

I headed up to my hotel room. Chloe was asleep when I walked in and  Ashley wasn't there. I text him to say I was back and he said he'd be back soon. Chloe started to wake up so I went and sat next to her so she could rest her head on my shoulder. "Hey princess, did you have fun?" "I had a great time thanks. Missed you though" "aww, I missed you too" "how you feeling?" "Better now my princess is back" "you two ready to go get some dinner?" "Yeah" "Chloe, you ok?" "Can we get room service?" "You ok?" "I just wanna spend tonight with my two favourite people, eating food and watching tv" "if that's what you want to do then that's what we'll do"

*skip to sunday*

Ashley, Chloe and I were in our room packing. "I wish we didn't have to leave" "I know but we've had an amazing weekend, we're going to the pier on the rides before we leave" "I'll just be stood watching you all" "you wouldn't go on any of them if you weren't pregnant, but I promise if we find some that you like the look of, then we can come back after the babies born so that you can go on them" "thanks guys" "now let's go meet the others"

The three of us went downstairs to meet Janette, Aljaz and Noah. Originally Stacey, Kevin and Amy were going to come with us but Amy had to get back and Stacey and Kevin had decided that they wanted to spend some time together.

We were heading over to the pier and I knew that something was bothering Chloe but she wouldn't tell me if the others were around so I came up with an idea so it'd just be us. "Chloe" "yes princess" "didn't you say that you wanted to walk on the beach while we were here?" "I did" "how about the others carry on to the pier while we walk on the beach then catch them up?" "Ok"

Janette, Aljaz, Ashley and Noah went off to the pier while Chloe and I went down to the beach. "Shall we sit by here?" "Princess" "yeah" "what's going on?" "I've hardly seen you all weekend, I knew you wanted to come to the beach and I was gonna suggest it when I'd got back on Thursday but you wanted us to spend time with Ashley so I didn't bring it up and left it until today instead. I wanted us to do something together before we headed home" "I appreciate it. It has been weird not seeing you all weekend, but do you know what made me happy?" "What?" "Seeing you come back every night with a massive smile on your face and knowing that you'd made memories with people who make you happy" "you make me happy too" "I know, but hearing about what you've been doing and seeing your smile while you were telling me has been amazing. Seeing you happy makes me happy" "I can ask you anything, right?" "Of course you can. I've told you that the whole time I've known you but especially since you were ten and found out about you being adopted" "are you ok? You've been saying that you are since Ashley and I asked you on the train journey on Thursday but I know you better than you think and I can tell that something's wrong. That's another reason why I got you away from the others as I knew that you wouldn't be completely honest with me if they were with us" "if I tell you the truth you promise that you won't tell Ashley" "if he asks then it's girls business then he never questions it further" "I'm worried that if the baby survives when they're born then I'll be a rubbish mum and let everyone down" "do you know what you need?" "What?" "A massive hug with your favourite princess; if this baby is a girl I hope I'll still be your favourite princess? And a pep talk with said favourite princess" "right now I'll take any words of wisdom or pep talk as yours make me feel better" "you listening?" "I am" "one I get why you're worried; this is the furthest you've made a pregnancy and don't know what to expect but you're one of the strongest people I know and I'll be by your side no matter what happens. Two this baby will survive I have a good feeling. Three you could never let anyone down; you've been there for me every step of the way during everything with Janette and when I was growing up and you never let me down once. Four I'm going to be your biggest supporter, be there for you whenever you need me. Five promise me something?" "What?" "Promise me that if you're struggling at any point and don't know what to do you'll come and talk to me about whatever is getting you down, I wanna be there for you but you're going to have to talk to me" "I promise that you'll be the first person I turn to" "you're going to be an incredible mum, this baby is super lucky to have you as a mum" "I hope so princess" "I know so. Now, we can either stay here or we can go and find the others. What do you want to do?" "Stay here talking to, cuddling and appreciating my princess while I still can" "you know you can talk to and cuddle me anytime you want" "I know, but it's more special as we're in Blackpool" "I'm gonna message Ashley to let him know that we're staying here and to let us know when they're heading for the train"

After a while, Ashley text me to say that they were heading for the train and would meet us where we were. I saw Chloe's face drop when I told her. "Hey, I don't want to go either but remember Ashley and I promised that we'd come back after the babies born" "I know, but this is the happiest I've been in ages and I don't want it to end" "I can tell that you're getting tired so let's head up the steps to meet the others. When we get on the train I'll sit by you so you can fall asleep on my shoulder as I know you can't on anyone else's" "thanks princess"

We soon found the others and headed for the train station; Aljaz was carrying Noah who didn't look impressed at all. "What's up with monkey?" "We found some rides that he could go on, he screamed the whole time and he's been grumpy ever since" "does monkey need some cuddles with his big sister?" He started to smile when I said it so I unlinked my arm with Chloe just so I could take him from Aljaz; safe to say it's all he wanted as he was soon smiling and pulling at my hair until he fell asleep in my arms.