Always Running

I'm Not Crazy

"Caitlin."

Caitlin looks up from the intense focus she was giving to her coffee and the muffin she was slowly tearing apart without eating. "Hi Joe." She says, not doing a good job of hiding the fake enthusiasm.

"Barry said you weren't at the labs the last few days."

"Yeah, I've just had a lot going on. Still trying to finish moving in and everything you know. There wasn't really a time to do all that when I got back." Caitlin says, lightly laughing.

"This town never fails to keep ya busy." Joe says, sitting down across from her. She smiles at him and takes a drink of her, now cold coffee. "Wanna tell me what's really going on?" He asks, eyeing her expectantly.

Caitlin looks up at him, a guilty look on her face. She takes a deep breath and finishes pulverizing her muffin. "I can't tell you something and ask you not to tell Barry." She shrugs.

"You'd be surprised what I'm able to keep from that boy." Joe says, going into his own little world for a moment.

"Everything alright with you?" She asks Joe.

He huffs and leans back in his chair. "You're an unbiased person, right?"

"Absolutely not, but go on."

He sighs. "When Iris was six, her mother overdosed while she was alone with her. I sent her to a rehabilitation center. When I called to check in on her, they told me she ran away." Caitlin is nodding with wide eyes. Iris had told her about her mother before, but Iris had told her that her mother died when she was six. "I-I uh, I never went looking for her. I thought I was protecting Iris from her and that...maybe her leaving...was a gift to both of us. To release us of the burden." Joe chokes on the last word a bit, guilt clear in his eyes. "I told Iris that her mother died."

Caitlin takes a deep breath and looks sympathetically at Joe. "I take it it's not a sudden change of heart that's brought this up?"

Joe shakes his head. "Iris's mother, she came to visit me at the station the other night. She wants to meet Iris."

"Had you seen her since then?"

"Not since I dropped her off at the rehab center." Joe says, eyes unfocused.

"You did what you thought you needed to do to protect your daughter, Joe. No one, not even Iris could blame you for that." Caitlin says reaching across and grabbing his forearm, giving it a comforting squeeze. "But you need to tell her."

Joe looks at her, startled but thankful that she seemed to be level-headed about this. "I don't know how."

"Well, in person, for one. Maybe invite her for a visit. She's been wanting to come back for a few days anyway. Now would be as good a time as any."

"Oh yeah, now when we have an unknown speedster after Barry from another earth sending over duplicates of people." Joe says sarcastically.

"You know as well as I do that she would never accept that as an excuse."

Joe sighs. "I know. I just don't know how to tell her that her mother has been alive all this time."

"Maybe she hasn't. Maybe the woman who gave birth to her was alive, but not the woman who was ready to be Iris's mom. But...now she is. And Iris is an adult. And she deserves to make the decision about whether or not she's ready to let her back in her life."

"Would you? Let your mom, after what she did?" Joe asks.

"Me personally? No. I would forgive her, if she ever decided she needed my forgiveness. But...she never wanted to be part of my life before. If she suddenly came back, it's not hers to be a part of anymore." Caitlin explains as concisely as she could. She didn't want to go on too much of a soapbox about herself, but no one had ever asked her that before.