Scars|| r. lupin

Year four; Chapter four

Parts of this chapter killed me because I'm dirty minded so before I finished writing them I was like OMG WHY SIRIUS WHY

Y/n's P.o.V.

We waved goodbye to James's parents from the door of the Hogwarts express. After that we left to find a compartment. Once we found one the boys put their luggage in the overhead compartments and I had to ask Sirius to put mine up.
"Short arse!" James broke out in a fit of laughter because I had to ask for help. Remus ended up joining in the laughter too and, eventually, Sirius, Peter and I.

I ended up sitting beside the window, Remus beside me, Peter beside him, James in front of me and Sirius beside him. Remus was reading his book and chatting with Peter while James, Sirius and I did quidditch talk. I won an argument dealing with the last world quidditch cup.

After a while the trolly witch came and the boys all bought things to eat, it had honestly become a custom that one of the boys bought me something to eat ever year on the rides to and from Hogwarts because of the stupid rule mum made and this year Sirius got me what I regularly had.

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Soon it became time to get changed into our school clothes. After James helped me get my clothes out of the trunk I left to go get changed. While on my way I bumped into Lily Evans, who happened to be on her way to the bathroom to change as well so we went together. It was nice catching up with her and all but I had to head back to the boys soon.

When I got back to the compartment I burst out laughing. " OH MY GODRIC! Who preformed Densaugeo on you?" I used hand motions to tell the boys to line up in front of me in turn so I could shrink their teeth back to normal. By the time I had finished it had become time to exit the train.

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We rode carriage's pulled by thestrals up to the castle. I was the only one of us who could actually see them so, I didn't say anything about them. You know, didn't wanna freak the boys out.

Once we got into the great hall we found a spot to watch the sorting from, clapping everytime a student other than Slytherin got sorted. Dumbledore said words of wisdom then he started the feast.

After the feast we had to leave to go back to the common room where I hugged each of them, in turn, before going off to bed.

Once in the dorm I placed a silencing spell around my four-poster because I tended to wake up screaming, crying or in a cold sweat and I didn't need any unwanted attention.

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Le three weeks before Christmas
Because why nooooo
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12:45 at night ish

Abruptly, I jerked awake clinging onto the sheets for dear life, balling one fist in the sheets. Shakily I slid up against the beds backboard before wiping the sweat off my brow. I will never be able to get the mental image of Crucio out of my head, Never. Shaking, I bent over my bed and pulled Remus' sweater and a teddy bear the boys had given me out from under it. I easily slipped into his sweater and pulled my knees into it along with the bear and my arms. Laying inside his sweater and cuddling the boys bear eased my nerves. Slightly.
1:20 ish
By now I had calmed down enough to stop crying and had stashed the sweater and bear back where they were. Then, the memory of my mother's letter from first year came back and I froze, clutching the sheets for dear life. Quietly I pulled the curtains away from my four-poster and threw my cloak on over my clothes, pulling my pocket-size switchblade out from the secret compartment on my nightstand and slipped on my sneakers; after enchanting them to make no noise. Then, I started my trek to Myrtles bathroom.

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*Trigger warning*

I sat on the floor of Myrtles bathroom slowly digging a switchblade into my left thigh. While wincing, every few cuts I counted down from 50 in my head. No, I didn't do that many lines I just, I sit on the bathroom floor and count down from fifty, when I finish I move and clean the area up before moving onto my ankle. Then, I do the same for my ankle, shallower cuts, lower number.