Ellie
life isn't always what you plan it out to be. trust me I've had my life planned out for me since I was first able to walk. I couldn't say or do anything that my parents or some other elder would say I shouldn't or couldn't do. and when I did do or say what they told be not to I would always end up falling too hard and getting hurt and they would always be the first to tell me that they were right and that I should've listened to them. that's exactly how it was right now.
I've been laying in bed for about ten weeks and I didn't plan on moving anytime soon until my mother came to my flat and barged in. her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail as she wore navy blue scrubs and a white doctors coat. she made a beeline to my bed and pulled the covers off of me as I curled into a ball to escape the sudden chill.
"Elizabeth, it's need ten weeks. you need to stop sulking and get back to work." my mother said to me sternly.
"you were right." I mumbled not looking at her because I knew she was feeling sympathy for me and I didn't need anyone's sympathy. "you were so fucking right and I just ignored you and got no where but back to where I was in the beginning." i sighed turning on my stomach and burying my face in my pillow.
"Elizabeth, please don't do this to yourself. it's just one boy and there are plenty out there who would want you for you." she said rubbing my back softly which only reminded me of Louis and I broke down crying for the millionth time. "please get yourself together and get to class because I don't want you to throw your education away for a boy. you are better than that." she said getting up as I turned and faced her. "you're beautiful and you shouldn't be wasting your tears on someone who isn't even worth your time." it was the first time in awhile where my mom genuinely smiled at me, sure it was because she felt sorry for me and didn't want to see me waste my time away but it felt nice to have someone smile at you. "hurry its 7:00 and your first class starts at 9:00 and I wanted to take you out for coffee. only the heavens know how much you've been eating and it looks like you haven't." she said before turning to leave me to get ready.
I took a quick shower because I hadn't in a long time and only God knows how bad I smell. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked horrid you could see my hip bones and ribs and my collar bones where sticking out way more than they usually did. when Louis left so did my appetite and I had to force myself to eat but then I would throw it back up. these past weeks have been hell. I brushed out my hair quickly and went to my closet and grabbed some black skinny jeans and a black loose sweater. I threw on those clothes and started to blow dry my hair. it fell into some wild curls and I just pulled on a black beanie and grabbed my black peacoat. I shoved my feet into some converse and walked out to the kitchen grabbing my book bag and looking at my mother.
"why are you wearing all black?" she questioned eyeing my attire warily.
"I'm mourning the loss of my motivation." I sighed picking at my nails.
"Elizabeth you shouldn't talk like that." she said pinching the bridge of her nose already irritated with me.
I rolled my eyes grabbing my key to the apartment and my mother followed closely behind me pulling on a coat and scarf. we walked to her car which was parked on the street and I slid into the passenger seat my mom put the heater on full blast as we drove to the nearest coffee place near my school. we settled with Starbucks because my mother doesn't like trying new things and she said the one across the street was full of pot heads and hipsters and I fought back the urge to say that those are my people.
we sat there as my mother sipped her coffee and I picked at my muffin. I wasn't hungry I don't know why she insists that I eat when I don't feel like eating. I look up as my mother is talking about school and my future and my heart starts to beat rapidly. I grip the side of the table my knuckles turning white. it can't be him. it just can't be. he was there is brown hair messily perfect and his jeans tight around his leg and his coat looking a bit big for him. my heart was racing and my head was spinning. please turn around. he turned and my heart calmed down as I realized it wasn't him it was just some guy who looked like Louis from the back and here I was at Starbucks having a mental breakdown my mother looking at me like I'm crazy as I went back to picking at my muffin.
"are you okay?" she asked placing a warm hand over my cold one.
"yea I'm fine." I muttered not looking up because I knew that I would just break down and cry.
"well we better get going it's almost 8:30." she commented pulling her coat back on and grabbing her empty coffee cup. "bring your muffin since you just say there and looked at it for the past hour."
I sighed and dragged my feet on the floor as we exited Starbucks. the cold air immediately turned my cheeks and nose red and my eyes began to water as I lifted a shaky hand to wipe the wetness from my face. the drive to the school was silent because the conversation was mainly one sided as my mom talked to me but I just sat there not talking or saying anything to her. I was tired and the day just barely tired. but now and days I was always tired struggling to keep my eyes open. she pulled up to the campus and turned off the car looking at me with sorrow in her eyes.
"have a good day baby." she smiled awkwardly putting her hand on my knee to soothe me. I nodded my head and opened the car door and walked to the campus slowly as I felt eyes on me and I felt like I was in highs school again and I hated every single second of high school. but once I got over the fact that people weren't looking at me but the expensive car that I arrived in I realized that I like university way more than high school. I blended into the crowd no one really paying attention to me and me not paying attention to anyone else.
I went to my first class which is creative writing and I slumped in my seat in the back corner. the day dragged on and it was around 1:00 when I finished my last class and started to walk back to my apartment. I grabbed my back and stuffed my laptop back in it when I felt someone looking at me and I turn to see a boy leaning against the wall his dark eyes looking at me. I turned away feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
"Ellie! I thought you were dead." a shrill voice called loudly behind me as I slung my bag over my shoulder.
I turned to see Alex a friend I've made since I first started at university her hair in dark wild curls and her skin was a dazzling brown and she was so pretty that I felt intimidated by her. i forced a smile, "no just ill." I lied.
"okay well I'm going to pick you up at 9 and we are going to a club to celebrate your return. we will talk about it more when I drive you home." she smiled tugging my arm and dragging me out of class as I glanced back to see if the boy was still there but he was gone.
it was around 8:45 and I was sitting in front of the mirror debating if I should just call Alex and tell her I'm really not up for a night out right now or I should just be a women and go out. I looked at my reflection in the mirror I was wearing a short black skater dress with a lace top and lace long sleeves paired with red heels and my eye makeup was kept natural with some shimmer eyeshadow and my painted my lips with some bright red lipstick that matches my heels and my hair was down in soft curls. I plastered on a fake smile on my face and looked in the mirror it's crazy to see how different you can act to what you are actual feeling inside.
the bell rang and I jumped slipping on my heels and grabbing my clutch as phone and keys and opened the door to see Alex wearing a tight white dress paired with some royal blue heels and she looked absolutely stunning.
"woah you clean up nice." she smiled linking her arm in mine as I locked the door.
"thanks but you look like royalty." I said laughing quietly.
"Ellie tonight is the night when you go from little miss innocent to heartbreaker." Alex smiled looking down at me.
if only she knew what I was really thinking then she would understand why I haven't been at school and had been so reluctant about going tonight.
a/n
ahhhhh I'm nervous about this
anyways here you guys go hope you enjoy it and sorry I didn't post a trailer yet my computer crashed and I'm writing this on my mobile so idek how long this chapter is
ily so much remember to tell me what you think because I want to make you guys happy so tell me if this is absolute crap I can take it I'm a big girl lol love you all hope you had a wonderful holiday and hope you guys have a great New Years xoxo
