the songs I listened to while writing this lmao
beside you - 5sos
don't let me go - Harry Styles
the mess I made - parachute
I miss you - blink 182
over again - one direction
in case you wanted to know lol
Louis
she was crying in my arms and it was all my fault. the only thing I bring to her is sorrow. whenever I'm with her she cries, she is never happy and when she is I always find a way to ruin it. so here we are sitting on cold hardwood floor glass surrounding us and the only sounds were Ellie's hiccups and my soothing her quietly. I felt her shift in my arms and I looked down at her she was looking up at me a questioning look then she looked away and pushed off of me. limping and grabbing the corner.
"you should go." she mumbled looking down.
"are you sure?" I questioned getting up and hesitant to leave because in the past few hours she was sexually harassed, fainted, stepped on glass, and cried until she had no more tears to cry. not to mention she looked sick her collarbones more erect and her eyes had bags under them but she tried to hide them with concealer.
"yes. I want you to leave." she said he voice shaky at the end.
I nodded my head and grabbed my coat silently and walked myself out. I took one last look behind my shoulder to see her shaking her head and wiping the tears away from her eyes as she took a deep breath and bent down to clean the glass. I shook my head telling myself that I'm not hers anymore and she isn't mine. I was the one that left her and she is the one that I hurt the most. she wants nothing to do with me and I should just leave her alone and let her live her life.
I walked out of the building I called home for awhile as the sun was beginning to rise and the city was beginning to wake for another day. it was crazy how you could fit so many people in one place and yet none of them know what you go through just the few that you chose to be in your life.
"Louis!" I heard someone call and I turned to see Ellie running towards me in her pajamas and barefoot her left foot wrapping in bandage.
I stopped walking and waited for her. she stood in front of me her eye puffy from crying and her lips chapped. "I forgot to give this back." she quietly said opening her hand to show me the promise ring I gave her. "I shouldn't have it because you broke your promise so it is useless now." she said holding it out to me.
"no El, keep it." I answered declining the ring.
"I said don't call me that and I don't want it. I don't want anything that reminds me from you." she said truthfully giving me the ring. "I'm done Louis. I can't do it anymore." she said as tears began to form in her eyes. she quickly wiped them away and sighed giving me the ring. "just take it."
and with that she turned and walked away wrapping her arms around herself. all I could do was stare at the mess I made as she walked away and soon disappeared in the crowd of people that was quickly forming. I was standing in the middle of everything holding a ring that once belonged to the one I love but she doesn't love me anymore. she said she is done and doesn't want anything to do with me. I was stupid to think that she would take me back after what I did to her. I broke her, completely an utterly shattered her heart and she was trying her hardest to put it back together piece by piece while mine just stayed broken and in pieces.
I turned and began walking down the cold street. I had nowhere to go and I couldn't go back because she wouldn't want me. little did she know that I consider myself hers and that I still drown in the love that she gave me. I was hopelessly and madly in love with her while she was the one that is trying to let go. I kept walking until I was knocking on the door of the only friend who would listen to me whine and cry over her.
"Louis it's 6 in the morning." Zayn said his eyes barely opened and his hair was in a tangled mess.
"I just need to talk." I said my voice getting stuck in my throat.
"come in. just don't be too loud or you will wake up the baby and Caroline." he whispered leading me into the apartment.
"Zayn I fucked up." I cried as I sat down on the couch after moving a few baby toys.
"Ellie?" he questioned sitting in an arm chair already knowing who this was about. "tell me everything."
so I told him about her being assaulted out front my bar and then her crying in my arms to her telling me she is done. I looked up at Zayn helplessly, "I need her." I concluded looking down at my hands. "I want what you and Caroline have. I want a family, a house in the countryside, a stable job, and most importantly I want her by my side every time I wake in the morning."
"you broke her Lou. it's going to take a while until she feels safe and comfortable in you arms again. I mean how long has it been since you saw her before lat night?" Zayn inquired looking at me.
"a year. a whole fucking year." I said shaking my head in shame.
"that's a long time since she saw you. that is enough time for her to think things over and come to conclusions about you. did she specifically say that she doesn't want you?" he said sitting up in his chair.
"no she said she didn't want anything thy reminded her of me. but isn't that the same thing?" I asked.
"God Louis you fucked up big time." Zayn said truthfully.
"I know that's why I came to you so you can help me!" I yelled causing Zayn to glare at me.
"don't yell the baby is sleeping." he warned gesturing to the hallway.
"how old is she?" I asked calmly.
"she'll be one this weekend. you're coming over right uncle Louis?" he asked with a smirk.
"of fucking course. I'll bring Ellie, she loves babies." I smiled not realizing what I said until Zayn looked at me with sad eyes. "I miss her." I said placing my head in my hands.
I felt the couch sink in as Zayn sat next to me placing a hand on my shoulder, "just let her cool off then go to her and try to start over again and then from there see how it goes but try not to fuck up because this is your third time." he said patting my back.
"third times the charm." I smiled looking up to see Caroline leaning against the wall with a soft smile on her lips.
"are you hungry Louis? you look like you need a nice hot breakfast." she said making her way to the kitchen.
"oh no-" I began but then look at Zayn whose face told me not to decline the offer. "that would be lovely." I smiled before looking at the tv that Zayn turned on.
I looked Zayn and Caroline and realized that I wanted what they had. I wanted to wake up beside the women I love every morning and eating breakfast together before we go off to our jobs or errands. I want to co home to see her laying on the couch watching tv and kiss her like I haven't kissed her in years and her to say 'well hello to you too babe.' before I never even thought like this but being with Ellie my whole view on life has changed and I loved it. just like I love her.
a/n
I can't help but feel bad for Louis my heart ached while writing this
remember if you want you can always comment and vote but you don't have to I will love you either way stay trill fam xoxo
