Once in a lifetime

29

"I'm sorry Crystal, I didn't realize you were closeted and it just slipped out." Gigi explains, almost in a pleading voice. Her usual confidence replaced with an anxiety I didn't know she had. "I never wanted to hurt you."

I know she didn't know, because I never told her. That doesn't make me less angry but the anger starts shifting from her to myself. The anxiety in her usually calm voice and the sadness in her usually expressive brown eyes broke my heart and I hated myself for ever blaming her. This wasn't anyone's fault, I just wish I'd told Gigi not to say anything.

"I know I should've told you, but I didn't want you to feel trapped in the relationship. I didn't want you to feel you had to keep it a secret, Gigi." I sigh, rubbing my temple with closed eyes before looking over at her. "I wanted to be open about it. I just... I don't know."

She carefully put her arm around me and I allowed her to pull me close to her, my head resting on her shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? I understand if you don't... Jan said you wouldn't really talk to her much last night" she says, playing with my red curls.

"I trust both you and Jan, I guess last night it just had all hit me at once, there were too many thoughts that I had to process that explaining it was just too much." I said. "I'll tell you know though, maybe talking about it now will help me process it a bit more."

Gigi just nods as a way of letting me know that I can continue, I take a deep breath as I explain the story to her about how cold my mother had been in the car journey.

"She disowned me basically." I finished, tears welling up in my eyes. "She doesn't want me and I don't think I can change that. It's not like I can just t-turn straight."

I began sobbing as I said the last line. Gigi pulled me into a tight hug in silent sympathy, rubbing my back and whispering about how everything would be ok.

I believed her. I trusted her.

She kept her arm around me comfortingly as I curled my body around her, laying my head on her chest as she began playing with my hair again. We lay in a comfortable silence, just knowing she was there and just knowing how awful she felt about what happened made me understand that she cared. Even if we'd only known each other a few months I could tell she genuinely cared. My heart felt full with her and I loved the feeling. I just lo- I just really really liked her. I liked how she made me feel.

After a while of just lying there, my eyes closed because of how relaxed I'd started to feel, Gigi began moving the hand she had around me, pulling me closer to her boob in the process. Not that I was complaining but it did cause me to open my eyes.

I looked up at her and saw that she was struggling to open a bag of popcorn, silently cursing to herself as she struggled to do so.

I watched her for a bit, silently smiling to myself in a mix of adoration and laughter, until she eventually got the bag open and looked at me.

"Do you want some popcorn?" She smiled, holding up a single kernel.

I snapped out of my slight trance and answered her a just a second late.

"Yeah!" I said a bit too enthusiastically , my voice cracking slightly.

She began to move it in my direction so I opened my mouth, but put it in her own mouth at the last second. Smiling down at me as she ate it.

"I hate you." I sulked.

She just giggled in response, my heart jumped as she giggled. She has the most beautiful laugh.

I can't help but smile to myself as a snuggle back into her. Glad that she's helping me bring my spirits up after what happened, even if it is just cuddling. These cuddles really helped, they made me feel cared for.

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This wasn't the most sad chapter now was it? Let's play a game called find the reference :)

-J