Nessa gets a DM from who? The one the only Josh Richards! They fall in love like we knew they would but how much can they take before it breaks them? Will it be another girl, a scandal, or will they last forever? {Being edited}
I woke up at 7:30 and I knew we were going to six flags today but I still wanted to let Nessa sleep for a bit longer. I quietly and carefully got out of bed and went into the bathroom.
Why didn't she tell me? Was all I could think and Nessas voice as a kid just kept playing through my head. I mean shouldn't she have told me? I am her boyfriend. Maybe she's embarrassed, but if she's good then what's there to be embarrassed about.
I walked out of the hotel room and decided to go workout. While I was in the gym I saw Mads and Olivia walk past and they stopped and looked at me. I walked out and said "good morning is Ness still asleep" "yeah" Olivia told me.
"Why did she tell me Mads?" I asked like a sad puppy. "What do you mean" she looked confused "about the singing stuff" I explained. She sighed and said "I don't know Josh she doesn't like to brag and tell people things about her talents and stuff. Why don't you just ask her?" She asked me. I nodded and let them go eat breakfast. It was 8:45 now and I went back up to the hotel room to see Nessa and Dixie talking
"I definitely think you should do it a Nessa. I mean look what happened with my song you'll be great I know it" I heard Dixie say. "You really think so? Oh hey Josh" Nessa responded and they needed their conversation. Why is she being weird about it just talk to me.
NESSA'S POV
I woke up and Josh was gone. I saw Dixie sitting there corner and I asked her "Dixie do you think I could release a song someday" she put her phone down and said "of course" she started to boost my confidence and we talked some more and then Josh walked in. "What were you guys taking about" he asked me. "Nothing really" I smiled and he looked defeated.
I just don't like talking to him about this stuff. I feel like if he doesn't think I'm good he can't be honest with me because he's my boyfriend and I hate that.
He pulled me into the bathroom "Ness I wasn't gonna say anything but why won't you just talk to me about the music thing. I don't get it. I've never judged you and I try and support you in any way I can please just talk to me."
"I'm sorry Josh. I want to be able to talk to you about that because I love you so much but I feel like you'd be obligated to tell me I'm good even if I'm not. What if I'm not?" I said and he looked down at me. "Nessa I've never heard you sing unless we're in the car but from how you sounded as a child there's no way you aren't amazing" he hugged me and I felt safe.
We all got ready and left for six flags since everyone was up I was wearing this
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And we all rode on a bunch of rides, met fans, made tik toks, took dumb videos, the guys interviewed people for their YouTube and overall we had a really fun time.
It was 5:30 and it was our last night here since our flight home was at 3:00 tomorrow. We were eating diner at a restaurant before we were gonna go back to the hotel and watch movies together and Chase spoke. "So I know I'm probably the last person some of you want to here talking but I just have to say this. I messed up. A lot. And I know that. For once in my life I realize how wrong u was and everyday in trying to fix it, but thank you. Thank you for being my family anyway. Thank you for letting me have another Chance. Thank you for allowing me to try and be better to you." He sat down and we all smiled at him.
After we finished diner we all went back to the hotel and sat on the beds in the guys room and watched movies. Starting with high school musical.
I laid there in Josh's arms and started to think. Josh is my everything. He's the reason I live now, the reason I push on, the reason I don't give up. That's good right? It's not too much? I'm supposed to feel that way aren't I? I'm supposed to feel like if he wasn't there I'd be nothing. Like Id have nothing left? That's the way it's supposed to be? It has to be.
I had spaced out and Mads tapped my leg "you good" she whispered and I nodded snapping out of it. We finished high school musical, and radio rebel and then us girls went to sleep in our room tonight and pack our stuff up so we could all hang out until we had to leave at 12 tomorrow for the airport.
I fell asleep pretty quickly next to Mads after we had laughed for a bit.
*the next morning* We all woke up at 10:00 and went down to eat breakfast here for the last time. I had called my mom and said goodbye and talked to her a bit cause I probably wouldn't see her for a while. Before I knew it it was time to leave for the airport.
I was holding hands with Josh in his sweatshirt and my Nike pros at the airport waiting for our flight to be called when suddenly I felt this wave of anxiety come over me. My throat started to close and I felt like I couldn't breathe but I didn't want to tell him so I grabbed Mads and took her into the bathroom freaking out.
"Oh my good Nessa are you okay?" She asked me concerned. Then everything came out.
"Can you love someone too much Mads? Is it good that I wake up for him, that I eat for him, that I breathe for him, that I live for him? I feel like I feel like I don't know I just" she cut me off hugging me "Nessa take a deep breath" I obeyed and continued "I feel like if he ever broke up with me or left me I'd be nothing Mads. I'd have nothing. I can't I can't live without him. I forgot how. What happens if I loose him? What am I gonna I don't I can't" she tried to calm me down "Mads you knew me in the summer. Well it's June now. (Were gonna pretend corona not a thing oh how I wish also I know that time doesn't make sense but just go with it) I'm different. I know I am. I'm not who I was then. I don't know who I am anymore. When I look at myself I see Nessa Josh's Girlfriend Mads I don't know what I am, who I am, how to be me anymore. It's like all I am is for him" I paused and she just said "Ness..."
The tears were streaming down my face and thoughts were racing through my mind. Who am I? What am I supposed to be? What would I do if he wasn't here? "Mads What am I supposed to do?" I said sobbing. "Shhhh Ness" she said hugging me and rubbing my back. "Okay listen to me. You love Josh. You do so much. And I know that, you know that, he knows that, everyone knows that. You've let that take over you. I know what that's like, I know what it's like to only be for someone else. You just have to find yourself again. How you do that is up to you, but you have to tell him you feel this way. If you don't it's never going to fix anything. I promise it will get better." She told me trying to make me smile.
She wiped my tears and we walked out to hear our flight called. I sat next to Josh on the plane and just closed my eyes and slept the whole way home. How the hell am I supposed to tell him that?
I let that question take over my life. I didn't really talk to hang out with or be with anyone for 3 days. I just sat at my apartment while Mads tried to snap me out of my slump and hung out with josh staring at him trying to find out who I was.
Except I knew who I was. Without Josh I'm not anyone. I'm just the girl from New Jersey who the tik tok boy took a chance on. That's all I'll ever be.
A/N: so. Yeah. I am gonna try and match this story with some more current events in their life. Yes some of them aren't so great but I'm gonna our my spin on it such as this chapter. Your probably gonna be sad and or mad at the next chapter but I don't really plan on ending this book soon soooo yeah!! Enjoy. Also Pain on Thursday!!! Yessssss bye bye guys!!
