My Forever - Nessa Barrett and Josh Richards

~Part 46~

NESSAS POV

It's been a few days and my song comes out tonight at nine. Josh and I have hung out the pat few days and he still looks at me like he feels guilty or somthing. I've told him countless times that I don't blame him but he doesn't believe me.

One thing I have realized these past few days is that people who hate you will always find something else to hate you for. Apparently Madison beer invented rain. Huh the more you know. But like actually I'm so sick of people like leave me the fuck alone. At this point I've stopped caring as much but it still makes me mad that people can't just let me be. Seriously if you don't like be that's awesome go leave me the hell alone.

It's 4pm and I'm alone at my apartment fucking nervous because everyone is gonna hear my song tonight and I mean what do I do if they think I suck huh? What then. I can't do this. It's too much. I was about to call my manager to shut the whole thing down when there was a knock on my door.

"Jaden?" I asked cause we aren't really that close. "Josh said his pants were here and asked me to pick them up on my way home" he told me and I handed him the pants. "Nessa you okay?" He asked concerned. "Yeah yeah I'm fine just nervous" I said fake smiling. "Trust me i know that feeling. But here's some advice it doesn't matter what the haters think cause they are the ones who are probably listening to your music pretending to hate it because their jealous" he said reassuring me.

"Yeah I guess but people like you" I said sitting down and he laughed a little. "It doenst matter people like you or not. I've heard you song and you have talent. No matter how much they hate you they can't deny that. I gotta go but good luck their gonna love it" he said waving goodbye.

I decided to listen to Jaden and not call everything off. Okay so who's coming tonight. Cynthia, Olivia, Darianka, Riley, Eliza, Ansley, Addison, Dixie, Charli, Avani, Madi, Lauren, Thomas, Ryland, Josh, Bryce, Anthony, Mia, Micheal, tayler, Nate, and since it's at the house house more people might be there but those are the main people I invited.

Deep breaths Nessa deep breaths. Oh yeah I've decided to turn my life around. I was diagnosed as bipolar so I'm getting help and I know how to handle myself now. I really want to make my life matter I'm sick of feeling like it doesn't. It's awful and I refuse to feel that way again.

This week is pain and a week from today is my birthday. Let's just make this a good week Nessa. Please. "Don't let it get to you" I repeated to myself in the mirror as many times as I needed to. I took a deep breath and checked the time.

5:45 okay about 3 hours. I started getting ready for the "party" when I heard someone knock. I opened the door and Mads was there.

I really don't wanna do this today god why can't she wait until tomorrow. "Look Mads I really want to talk to you but I have enough going on today. We can talk tomorrow I'm sorry." I said and she nodded. "Okay see you at 12?" She asked and I nodded and closed the door.

Okay back to getting ready. I was wearing this

I loosely curled my hair and put on some natural makeup. 7pm. Two hours. Deep breaths deep breaths. I left my apartment to go to the hype house to take pics and help set up the screen and stuff.

I got there and Thomas and Mia gave me big hugs. "You doing okay" Mia asked "yeah I am" I said smiling. "This is so exciting" She told me and we headed outside. "Sup shawty" ryland said and I laughed giving him a hug and one to Micheal as well.

"So everyone should start getting here at around 7:45-8:00ish well hang out and then it will be time. You excited?" Thomas said. "Very" I said and sat down on the couch outside.

I sat there and talked to them for a while when all the girls got there and they all gave me big hugs and said things like "Im so proud of you" "I love you" "your amazing" "I'm so excited" and other positive things of that sort.

Then the sway or former sway group got there. I would have invited griffin but we don't do cheaters here. Josh gave me a tight hug, Bryce gave me a hug as Did Anthony.

8:45. Okay now i was kinda freaking out. I felt that anxious feeling rising in me and Josh must have noticed because he cane and stood next to me holding my hand. "You got this" he whispered in my ear and I gave him a hug.

The fifteen minutes passed and I was standing with the girls because people were filming and Josh and I didn't want the complications from social media.

It started. Lauren was crying again. I gave her a hug and she giggled "I'm sorry for crying I'm just so proud of you"  she said. "It's okay" i smiled. I couldn't exactly tell what everyone was thinking. I could tell all the girls loved or at least liked it. Ryland and Bryce were kinda tipsy so yeah but they were still very supportive. I saw Anthony give Josh a look and Josh took the vulnerable guilty look off his face and Ant rolled his eyes.

It was over. Everyone cheered and the girls shook me and gave me big hugs while I laughed. Then he had the damn audacity to walk out here. Chase walks out the fucking door. I saw Josh tense up. "I know I know I'm gonna go back inside I just wanted to say Nessa I listened to it and you're very talented, congrats, and I'm sorry for anything I caused you because I know I caused you more than the people here know" he said. "Thank you" was all I said and he went inside.

Most people looked confused because they didn't know but Thomas changed the subject and made everyone have fun again as we danced and had a good time. I checked my phone and tik tok room posted part of my song. "Can't lie she's talented" "I don't like her but she can sing" "guys i know she messed up but let her breathe" "I like it" I read all the comments and I smiled a bit.

They may not be all positive but it's good to know even if they don't like me they think I'm good. I laughed to myself. Overall we had a really good night it was a lot of fun. I danced with my friends and celebrated. I saw Mads reposted on her story. I scoffed. We'll see how that goes tomorrow.

It was 1 am and I wasn't gonna drive him cause I had a few white claws okay more than a few. Don't judge me. Josh drove me back to my apartment and got me out some sweatpants and a t-shirt to put on. Here come the drunk words it's like truth serum for me. "Josh I'm really glad that you liked it because I kinda thought you were gonna hate it I mean yeah it hurt a lot when you posted the breakup video and I cried and wrote my song for hours and didn't leave my bed. I was depressed and I didn't eat but I got a correct diagnosis and now I'm getting better. So thank you really you kinda fixed things for me."

Nessa what the fuck nothing you just said made sense. "I'm glad that your getting better" he said and sat down. "Are you gonna leave" I asked and he shook his head "no I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself"

"Did you know I love you? Did you know that I am way too scared to tell you exactly how I feel because I think I'm gonna mess it up again because I'm mentally unstable and can't keep anything good in my life? I don't think I've ever told you that. I learned to smile again even when your not with me. I don't think I'm lost anymore. Can you get me one of those cookies?" I rambled and he looked shocked.

The sad thing is I'm fully conscious I'm just talking and talking and I can't stop. I ate the cookie and that shut me up for a bit. "I know your kinda drunk but did you mean everything you just said" he asked. "Uh I think do yeah I mean my mom always said she knew when I was drunk coming home cause I spilled all my secrets" I laughed and he smiled but I could tell he was shocked.

Well I can't Change the thing I've said I just hope I don't have hangover to go talk to Mads tomorrow.

I fell asleep in Joshs arms on my couch. Can't say I didn't like it.

A/N: TODAY WAS NESSAS BIRTHDAY!! She's 18!!! I am pretty sure she's in Malibu with Josh 👀 eeeee yessss!!