My Forever - Nessa Barrett and Josh Richards

~Part 37~

A/N: oh geez. I apologize in advance. I'm very very sorry. Okay well that's all.

I'm sorry

JOSH'S POV

Nessa came over today. Just like she did yesterday and the day before. She didn't spend the night. She went home and came back the next day. Normally I would be fine with that but it was weird. Ever since we left New Jersey she hasn't talked to anyone besides Mads and I think Olivia. She barely even talks to me.

When we hang out we just put on a movie and she lets me hold her and she doesn't say a word other than "hey" "goodnight" or that she has to pee or something. I just want to know if it's something I did and I've asked her and she just said no with zero explanation and goes back to saying nothing.

I really don't want to have to go behind her back and talk to other people but I don't know what else to do. I called Mads. No answer. Olivia. No answer. That's it.

I got in Jaden's car after telling him where I was going and drove to Nessa and Mads apartment. Now we just hope she isn't home. I texted Mads and said "I'm outside we need to talk"

A few minutes later she walked out of the building. "What the hell Josh" she said "we need to talk" I was about to get out of the car when she stopped me "no no get back in Nessa is about to leave for a meeting just stay here and I'll come get you when she's gone. Then we can talk" I nodded and she went back upstairs.

I saw Nessa get in her photographers car and leave. Soon Mads was back down and walked me up to the apartment. "I'm listening" she said. "What did I do? What is she not talking to me or anyone really and why does she only stay for a movie and then leave? I just want to know what's going on." I plead.

"Look Josh. I want to be able to help you but I can't. It's not my place to tell you what I know and honestly I probably wouldn't tell you anyway. It's not my relationship and I trust Nessa to tell you when she is ready too. I need you to do that too." She told me. I sighed and said goodbye and went and sat in the car.

"What did I do" I said to myself putting my head in my hands.

NESSA'S POV

I can see I'm hurting him. When we watch a movie and then I leave I see the confusion in his face and his sad eyes begging me to explain why I'm so distant.

I just can't. I was going to. Last night I worked myself up and had a whole speech ready but when the time came I chickened out and just left. I'm never gonna be able to do this. It's like carrying this weight. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of what he will decide when I tell him, meaning wether he'll break up with me or not, or if I'm just generally scared but I just don't know.

Before I left for my photographers meeting with my manager Mads disappeared but I was too lost in thought to ask where. As I was driving away I could have sworn I saw Josh in Jaden's car outside my building but it was more likely Jaden and I'm just imagining things.

"Nessa, whatever's on your mind you gotta get it out it looks like your about to shatter" my photographer told me giving me a hug. Great. Everyone sees it. I smiled weakly and walked up to my apartment to find Mads on the couch looking nervous.

"Nessa Josh was here today and he asked me what he did wrong and to tell him why you weren't talking to anyone and i didn't tell him anything but you have too Ness. It's not just breaking you anymore. You should have seen how sad he was." Mads told me. "I know. Tonight" was all I said and I went and took a shower while I cried.

JOSH'S POV

I think she is gonna break up with me. That's all I can think of that could possibly be an explanation. Oh my god. What if she does? I haven't thought this far I don't know what i would do if she did. I'd be all alone again. I don't wanna just be some fuck boy again. Nessa changed me. She made me better. Or maybe she just masked all that and that's all I really am. Maybe once she's gone I'll just be some douche bag again.