An Apple A Day(Trixya)

Voice Memo

Katya laid in bed, staring at her wall. She felt like she had started spending a lot of her time doing this now. Katya's family was back home the day after Thanksgiving because her mom just couldn't stop freaking out. After Trixie cried in Katya's arms for maybe a hour, they went to Trixie's room and took a nap. Well Trixie took a nap, Katya stayed awake and just looked at Trixie. Katya felt a pain in her heart when she listened to Trixie. This was the first time that Katya had ever seen Trixie cry. She was usually so together, no emotions showing on her face at all. Katya saw her heart yesterday though, she saw Trixie's broken heart. "Katya?"

"In my room mom!" Katya looked at her door as her mother opened the door.

"I came to ask what you wanted for dinner dear, it is your night to decide."

"Oh, I don't really care mom. Whatever you want is fine." Katya's mother looked at her daughter and walked to her bed.

"Are you okay?"

"Mom, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How do you help someone get over a broken heart?"

"Oh moy tsvetok. Why are you asking me this?"

"I like someone."

"Okay, and?"

"And they are afraid of loving someone again because they were hurt so badly. I want to help them mom."

"Moy tsvetok, always trying to help others bloom like you have. Sweetie, they have to come to peace with what has happened. Yes, they can say that they have accepted it and moved on but that doesn't mean they are at peace with it. Once they understand that it wasn't their fault and that some people take good things and break them, they can take the next step to healing."

"But what can I do mom?"

"Just be there, be their shoulder to cry on. Only when they are ready can they get over the pain dear." Katya laid her head in her mother's lap and took a deep breathe.

"Mom, it hurt to listen to her cry."

"She must be very special."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you care so much about her. You talk about her pain as if it is your own."

***

Trixie wrapped her towel around herself as she walked to the bathroom mirror. She looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, her cheeks were a flushed shade of pink, and her nose was all runny. She rolled her eyes at her reflection as she began to blow dry her hair. It was 8:00pm and Trixie had just gotten out of bed. After dropping Katya off home those five days ago, Trixie felt like dead weight. She dragged herself out of her car and was only able to make it to her sofa. She was able to make it to her bed after a four hour nap. "Pfft, what is wrong with me? Ugh!" Trixie held her head down and closed her eyes. This wasn't supposed to happened. Not to her. Trixie was not supposed to feel this way towards anyone, not again. After getting her heart ripped out and stomped on, Trixie promised to herself that she would not make that same mistake. The mistake of thinking with her heart instead of her brain. Her heart had gotten itself broken so it had no business making decisions. Trixie's mind began to wander as she looked at herself. She thought about the warmth of Katya. The smell of Katya's body wash, the feel of her heartbeat, the sound of her telling Trixie it was okay. It was enough to make Trixie cry again. Why? Why now? Why at all? Trixie didn't want this. She didn't want to fall in love with Katya. She couldn't. Trixie walked into her bedroom and looked around for her phone, finally finding it in her pocket. She sniffled as she unlocked her phone, seeing text messages from Katya.

Katya: I know you said that you wouldn't reply because you wanted to sleep. That is okay I understand. I'm here when you wake up and I had a lot of fun with you.

Katya: Trixie, I miss you. It has been two days since I heard from you.

Katya: Four days Trixie, are you okay?

Katya: Day five and still nothing huh? That's okay. I have been thinking about you. I wanted to share what has been on my mind.

Katya: This is actually hard to type out because I keep deleting it.

Katya: I won't call. So voice memo it is.

Trixie's eyes landed on the voice memo attached at the bottom of the text thread. She clicked play as she sat on her floor, against her bed. "I'm sorry that this is so extra. I'm sorry that I am being so extra. Also sorry for all the messages." Trixie's heart fluttered as she listened to Katya's giggle. "Okay, so Trixie I know you are my teacher but honestly fuck that. You were my friend first and foremost and that is what you are. My friend. And I care about my friends. I care about you, so so so much. More than I can put into words. It's crazy really. Trixie I want you to know that I am here okay? I am here for you. Crying or not. I don't want you to think that you have to wear a mask of some sort with me. You don't have to be happy or well pretend to be happy with me all the time. Because now, I know you aren't. I know that you are struggling and I know that you are sad. Thank you by the way, for letting me in. Letting me hear and see you fall apart a little bit. You are so together all the time, even when we aren't in the classroom. I give you a round of applause for that, being so strong. Standing so tall when you feel only two feet tall, when you feel so unwanted and broken down. I don't want you to be strong with me though, not anymore. I know you may be older than me, but that holds no barring in this friendship, let me be there please." Trixie had tears streaming down her face when she noticed a much shorter voice memo. She clicked play and waited for Katya to continue. There was a long pause before Katya's voice filled not only Trixie's ears and room, but her heart. "I love you Trixie."