SHE - HS

CHAPTER 31: If I Get High

"So what, you just walked in and there was a girl on his lap?" laney asked.

"Basically. I didn't look too much into it, I just walked out," I tell them, sitting on Harry's couch. Niall came back from the kitchen and brought me water. I thank him and sip it slowly.

"Well why did you go there in the first place?" Harry asked me, causing me to look up to him quickly before looking back down.

"I- um, I didn't feel too good at dinner and I wanted to talk to him because of that fight we had here the other day," I lie to him and he nods his head in response.

There was no way I was going to tell him I left because I found out he actually had something for me. If I'm being honest, I don't know how I feel about harry. I love our friendship as it is, but if I did end up liking him there was no way I was going to tell him.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Laney asked, turning to Niall and resting her hand on his shoulder.

"Sure," Niall responded as he walked out of the room, grabbing Harry to bring him along. Once they left, Laney came and sat right next to me.

"What actually happened?" she asked me. I look down at my lap and give a big sigh.

"I panicked," I tell her, "you told me about Harry and everything started rushing to my head and I don't know why. All those fights with River came back to me all at once."

"Well did that happen when you started liking Jack?" she asked. I thought about it for a second until responding.

"No, it didn't," I told her. Suddenly I connect the dots in my head.

Jack never made me feel as good as Harry did, he never made me feel as comfortable or understood me like Harry. I was with Jack as a distraction from River. I was dating Jack to try to prove to myself that I could trust someone again, when I knew I couldn't. I listened to my head and not my heart.

Then I met Harry and he changed everything. He showed me it was okay to be so open. When we talked in the diner, he truly listened. He understood everything I was saying and made it obvious that he was taking it all in. I needed to keep things the same between harry and I, no messing things up. We stay friends and that is final. I trusted him and I could see that he was good for me, but I didn't want to risk anything by falling for him.

He was slowly leading me out of the dark and into the light. I needed that. 

I needed to talk to him.

Harry's pov

We heard three knocks on the door before Laney walked in and looked at me.

"Rosie wants to talk to you," she tells me, walking over to the bed. I looked at Niall and he gestured for me to leave the room. I got up off the bed, rubbing my hands on my jeans before walking out and into the living room where I saw Rosie sitting on the couch all alone. I slowly make my way towards her without her turning her head to notice my presents. I sat down next to her looking forward. In the corner of my eye, I see her head turn to me, causing me to do the same.

"Hi," she says softly with a smirk on her face.

"Hi," I say back. She took a deep breath before saying anything else.

"I want to thank you for everything you've done for me since we met," she tells me, making me furrow my brow at her. "I just- I know you don't know because I've never told you but you've done so much more for me in the last week than some people have done for me in a lifetime. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to lose this friendship we have and I want to stay this way. I don't want anything to change, I want what we had in the diner, and in your car, even at my apartment. I want this friendship to last forever because I don't want to lose you."

I could feel my stomach drop. Even though she wasn't being specific, I could hear her loud and clear. I would be lying if I said my heart didn't hurt when she was saying she just wanted to be friends, but I understood everything. I could see she had a bad past with relationships and like niall said, I needed to let time take control. I needed to be patient. Love is patient.

I formed my lips in a line and looked down at her hand, reaching out to grab them.

"I'm not going anywhere I told you that," I tell her, still looking at our connected hands, "I will always be there for you when you need me. I'm just a phone call away at all times, no matter where I am. If it's LA or Tokyo, I'm still with you." I look up to see her smiling back at me. She brings me and kisses my cheek like she did that morning before hugging me tightly. I do the same, kissing her forehead as we hugged. We sat there for a couple seconds before letting go and standing up.

"I need to get home, Stevie is probably wondering where I am," she tells me and I nod walking her to the door. We say our goodbyes and she walks away. I watch to make sure she gets to her car safely before shutting and locking the door behind me. I turn around to see Niall standing in the living room now.

"I'm sorry bud," Niall said to me. I sigh and hang my head low as I walk to my bedroom.

"It's fine, I'm just gonna go to bed," I tell them not to look up. I get to my door and open it. "Night," I tell him just before the door closes and I throw my back onto my bed. As I stare at the ceiling I can help but hurt. It wasn't her fault she didn't like being back, it just hurt knowing it.

I needed to make this pain go away and fast.

I get up and walk to my closet. I slowly open it and look around. I find an old Gucci box that I grab the throw onto my bed. I walk over to it and open it, revealing a bog of marijuana, some wraps and a lighter. I take everything out and spread it on my bed. I take the lid of the box and flip it over so I can see the 'Gucci' label. I then began to roll the marijuana in the paper and lick it closed. Once I am finished rolling, I put everything else back in the box and store it back in the closet.

I lay on my bed with the blunt in my hand and begin to light it. I suck in the sweet sensation and hold it there for a couple seconds before exhaling. I grab my phone out of my packet and begin to play 'If I get High' by Nothing But Thieves. I lay my phone on my pillow so it is playing right in my ear while I finish the rest of my blunt.

Once I'm done, I throw whatever excess was left out the window before laying back down and closing my eyes. My mind never left Rosie, but I didn't want it to. I loved to think about her, even if she didn't feel the same.

"I didn't want to hurt you," I hear her soft voice say from next to me. I open my eyes and look to the left of me to see her laying sideways facing me. Her head rested on her arm that was propped on the pillow. She was looking at me, but I knew I was just looking at a dream. I turn my head to look back at my ceiling.

"It's not your fault," I say taking a deep breath, "I should've known better." I can feel her eyes are still as I stare at nothing. Suddenly, I feel movement come closer to me and it snuggles up to me. I could actually feel her head on my chest almost as if she was here.

I rest my hand on the back of her body, pulling it in, so she is as close as she can be.

"Don't leave me please," I say softly, closing my eyes again, but suddenly I couldn't feel her next to me anymore. I couldn't feel anything.
I open my eyes and look down to where I had felt her last to see nothing there. All I heard was the song playing on repeat in my head.

'If I get high enough, will I see you again?'

I take a long deep breath before standing up and grabbing the box from my closet, repeating the same process I did only an hour before.

It took a couple minutes before I could feel her presence next to me again. Only then was I able to drift off to sleep. 

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Short chapter, but it's better than nothing, right?

also I made the playlist if you want to go follow my Spotify it is just 'cass.'