SHE - HS

CHAPTER 12: Be My Mistake

The chilly night air of Greenville, Illinois has always been my happy place. Some night I would climb onto the roof, bring a blanket and a pillow, and just lay there to stare at the stars. There was something about the wind in Greenville during the nighttime. I didn't blow as hard as it does during the day. It was more calm, relaxed.

"Do you mind telling me what the fuck that was in there?" I hear a voice behind me making my head turn down from looking at the stars.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him. I knew this was going to happen. I should have never told him, I should've just left.

"You think you're really moving to LA? And leaving me?" he asked me, fury in his eyes.

"Yes I do, I don't see why you're so mad." I say confused but staying calm because I know what will happen if I don't.

"Of course you don't see why I'm mad" he chuckled rolling his eyes, "becasue you're always so fucking nieve about everything. Like wake up Rosie, welcome to the real world. Get your head out of your ass." he says waving his arms in the air.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is that you are leaving me when I specifically told you month ago you couldn't take that job. I told you you weren't allowed to leave me because I knew it would end the relationship, and you taking this job is screaming to me you wan't this to end. So congrats. You ruined us." He quietly yells right into my face so my family wouldn't hear from inside. I was in such shock. There was no way he was really saying these things to me.

"You can't be serious." Is all I can say back. I had so many things I could've said but I kept them to myself. He rolled his eyes and scratches the back of his head looking down at the cement. He paces around the driveway in anger. "look, ' I start to speak again trying to calm him down, "there are ways we can work throught this. You can come visit me whenever you want, we can call every night, shit you could even just move in with me. This doesn't-"

"No." he cuts me off as I am almost finished talking, "It's either you stay or I walk, and you will never hear from me again." he puts his offer on the table so clearly. My heart sunk to the bottom of my chest. I couldn't believe he was serious. He was really making me chose over my dream or my love. I could feel my eyes start to burn from not blinking, but I knew if I blinked the tears would fall and he wouldn't like that. He hated seeing me cry, he said it was a sign of weakness. I couldn't help it though. I could feel the wetness fall on my cheek as they burned. He scoffed and walked to his car. I stood there frozen. I didn't know what my next move was going to be. I couldn't make a next move. My body wouldn't move. I tried to lift my arm to wipe the tears off my face but it was no use. I was helpless. Right before he got into his car he looked me in the eyes one last time. They were glossy and his nose had turned red.

Was he crying too?

"I hope you're happy." he said with no specific tone in his voice so I couldn't tell what he really meant by that.

And that was it. That was the last thing he said to me before getting into his car and speeding off.

I stood there for a couple more minutes trying to recollect before I built up enough strength to walk back into my house and go straight to my room. I grabbed my headphones from my dressed and quickly plugged then in as I sprawled out on my bed. I shuffle one of my playlists. 'Be My Mistake' by the 1975 started to play and all I could do was stare at my ceiling. I wasn't crying. I wasn't shaking, I was just lying there. No pain, no feeling, no emotions. Nothing, and that's when I realized it.

I was numb.

He had truly broke me.