Don't leave me - serie 1

18| fear

Andy's POV

I was kidnapped. Thoughts were all going through my head. How? Why? What happened? I wanted so much to remember what had happened, I wanted answers to the questions which formed in my head, but I had no answers, and they did not come, no matter how hard I tried. I did not get a clear picture. Everything was cloudy and I felt the headache getting worse with every thought. The others helped me a bit further by answering some questions, but I could not cope with more questions. Today I had already received so much information and all I got was more and more headaches. I had crawled under the blankets and saw that the others wanted to leave the room. Luckily I managed to stop them. I... I'm afraid to be alone, but I don't dare tell them that. I have always been afraid to be alone and now that I know I was almost kidnapped it is even worse. I saw Brook and Jack sitting on the couch together. They are so cute together and I hope one day they will get together. Brook has already told me that he is totally into Jack and you can see that Jack is also into Brook. They just don't dare to admit it. I closed my eyes. Images of the man in black from my nightmares came back. He came towards me and my eyes opened again. I was back in the flat. The others hadn't noticed that I had woken up. I didn't dare to sleep any more, but I felt so tired. I noticed that Brook was playing with Jack's fingers and I watched. My eyes became heavy and I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up by shouting, it sounded far, but also close and the voice looked familiar to me. I opened my eyes and closed them again by the bright light. I let my eyes get used to the light and put myself straight. Jack, Brook and Mickey are standing at the door. I rub the sleep out of my eyes. I asked what was going on, but I got the answer that there was nothing. Still, it didn't look like there was nothing because Jack was very irritated and nothing doesn't irritate you. I remembered that I didn't hear one familiar voice, but 2 familiar voices. One was Jack's, but the others... it was Rye's, I thought, but Jack said it wasn't Rye. I haven't seen him since I've been home, weird. Jack says I better go to sleep because I need my rest and I don't mind because I can barely keep my eyes open. So I lay back and pull the blankets over me. I was so tired that I almost immediately fell asleep.

I slept reasonably well. I open my eyes and stretch out. The headache from before is still there and is even worse than then, but I am distracted from the pain by whispers. I look behind me and see that Mickey, Jack and Brook are sitting on the couch whispering. I try to understand what they are saying, but I do not succeed. Suddenly Brook says something loud enough for me to understand. It's like "Amy ruins everything". Who is Amy? I've never heard of Amy. I ask "Amy?" while straightening myself and looking at them. They turn around frightened. They look at each other. I have the feeling that they are hiding something, but what and why are they acting so weird? Blair's words shoot through my head. Do they want me out of the band? Do they also think I'm exaggerating? Or that I'm not telling the truth? I don't want to lose them, I... I don't want to be alone, not again. Fear and sorrow are beginning to form in my body and I have to make a lot of effort not to break out in tears. Suddenly Brook breaks the uncomfortable silence "are...have you been awake for a long time?" he asks, a bit stuttering. I answer "no". "And did you hear something?" he says. I see Jack is pushing him. They really have something to hide. Would they want me out of the band? "No, just that Amy's ruining everything" I say. I try to hide the vibration in my voice and try not to cry. "Luckily" I hear Brook say quietly, but just loud enough, so I can hear it. I can no longer hold back the tears and run to the bathroom. I tell the others I have to go to the toilet. I lock the door and let my tears flow. I let myself down the door and put my head in the palms of my hands. All the thoughts of Blair and the possibility that they want to throw me out of the band go through my head. I don't want to lose them. I don't want to lose the band. I love the performance, the singing, the friendships I have... and they want to take all that away from me. Why does everybody hate me? Why doesn't anyone want me? Am I such a burden? Nobody loves me, nobody likes me.

No, come on, Andy. You're going to prove to them that you can handle it. That they shouldn't throw you out of the band. That you're strong, not weak. I stand up and walk to the mirror. My eyes are red from crying. I throw some water in my face to make the red eyes not so bright. When I am satisfied with how I look, I walk out of the bathroom. That's when I run into Rye. He quickly looks at me and then walks into the bathroom. Why such a rush? I wonder. I just want to go back to the room when I notice that there is blood on my arm. I wipe it with a cloth, but I don't see a wound. How is that possible? I look at the ground and see blood spatters on the floor in front of Rye's room. Would he... no, he wouldn't do that any more? He had promised me he wasn't going to cut himself any more. He can't, why would he cut himself? He must have just hurt himself or something. I walk further to the room. "Shall we watch a movie" suggests Mickey. We all agree. Jack and Brook choose a film. Or yes fight over the film they want to see. In the end, Jack let Brook win, and they put themselves on the couch. Nobody talks about Amy any more, so I decide not to bring it up either.

It's already late when the movie is done. "I think it would be better if we all went to sleep" says Mickey. Brook yawns and Jack nods. They get up and walk towards the door. They say "good night" at the same time, and they laugh. "Good night" say Mickey and I, and they leave the room. Mickey comes in front of me and puts his hands in his side. "Do you need another painkiller?" he asks a bit worried. I did have a headache, but I wasn't going to show that I was weak, so that does mean no painkiller "no, no it's okay" I lie. He nods and walks to the bathroom. This is my chance. I look to Mickey until he entered the bathroom. There was no one in the hallway, so I quickly walk to the kitchen. I start to search throw all the cabinets. Finally, I find the pills. I have to stand on my toes to get them. I quickly swallow a few pills and put them back quickly. "What are you doing" I hear a voice behind me saying. I turn around and Mickey stands in the doorway. I didn't know what to do any more. I can't be weak. They can't throw me out of the band. They can not know that I need painkillers. I feel the panic rising. "Andy?" asks Mickey and with that, he gets me out of my mind. "Uh... I... I went to get some water," I lie. I look at him. At first, he doesn't seem to believe it, but in the end, he gives in and nods. "Can you give me my pyjamas?" he asks. I take Mickey's pyjamas that hang on the rack and give them to him. He thanks me and walks back to the bathroom. I leave a deep sigh. Luckily he believed it. I take a few deep breaths in and out and walk to my bed and put myself under the sheets. Mickey comes back in and does the same. "Good night" he says. "Good night" I answer.

After an hour I am still not asleep and the headache doesn't go away. Thoughts of Blair and the man of my nightmares keep haunting my head. Mickey is already in a deep sleep, since he is snoring, which doesn't really help my headache. I put my pillow on my head and keep my ears closed, but nothing helps. It looks like my head is going to explode. And then I have the solution...

A/N:

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