Don't leave me - serie 1

29| what's going on in his head

Rye's POV

We have a very busy day today. We needed to record and film at least 3 new covers, and I am tired. Now Mickey and I are discussing of how we would film the last part of the cover, we can't agree with each other, that's the first time in a long time we can't agree. I was saying something when I saw Andy fainting, I didn't hesitate and push Mickey, who was standing in front of me, away and run to Andy. He was laying unconscious on the ground, I lift his head and put it on my laps "Andy, hey wake up" I say while shaking him lightly, but his eyes remain closed. "Please Andy, wake up" I beg, but still his eyes stay closed. Fair is rushing through my body. What is going on with him? Is it something bad? I can't lose him! "Come, let's go home, then we let a doctor come" says Jack. I look up, trying to hide my tears. I nod and pick Andy bridal style up. His head is resting against my chest while we're walking to the car. "He is going to be all right" Brook says and put his hand on my arm and try to calm me down.  Even though I try to hide my feelings, Brook seems to know that I am worried.

While we're in the care I hold Andy on my laps. I don't dare to leave him any more, I want to be here for him, I want to protect him, whit my life if it is necessary, I would do everything for him, anything! I know I didn't show it this past few days, but I have my reasons. I can't let happen to Andy what happened to me and if I...

I am taken out of my mind by Andy who begins to moan and move, he's awake. "What... what happened" he says with a weak voice, he opens his eyes just enough to look. But he can barely keep them open, he is too weak and sick. He coughs a bit, but it doesn't sound good. He tries to sit up, but he doesn't have enough energy any more and his head falls back on my chest. "You've fainted, we go home, and then we call a doctor" says Jack, while he looks back from the front passenger seat. "n...no...no doctor" Andy says. "Andy you really need a doctor, you don't look well and you just fainted" says Brook. "No...n...o p...pleas" at this point Andy is almost begging. I can see the fear in his eyes, even now that his eyes are barely open. But why would he be so afraid? He was never afraid of doctors or is there more? "OK, but you need to promise that you will rest, understood?" Mickey asks while looking in the rearview mirror. Andy's nodes slightly "promised" he says with a weak and you can barely hear his voice. "OK, then no doctor" Mickey says and Andy let out a shine of relief and let his head fall on my chest, and then he closes his eyes again.

When we arrive home, I take Andy bright style into the flat. He wasn't that heavy before, but now he has almost no weight. I have known this he didn't eat that much any more the last weeks. Maybe that's the problem, maybe he tries to lose weight by not eating, but that is not the solution, we have had it about that from before. Or maybe it's something different.

I walk inside and lay him in his bed and pull the blankets over him. He snuggles into them and seems so peaceful. I can't stop myself staring. I love you Andy, more than anything, but we can't be together, It's too dangerous because...

"Rye?!" I hear Mickey screaming my name. I turn around to face him. "Ow, Rye don't cry, he will be alright" he says. I didn't even know I was crying. "Come we go to get some food" He says "then you can change your mind a bit". I nod and he walks towards the door. I kiss Andy on his forehead before leaving.

A few hours later

We are sitting in my room, so Andy can rest and doesn't wake up when we are being loud or when Brook whispers because Brook can't whisper. He always talks loud and sometimes he doesn't even know it of himself.

"What happened back there?" Jack asks curiously. "That's what I am trying to tell you a long time, he is sick but doesn't want to admit it" Brook says. "Yes, but why did he faint?" Jack ask. "Probably he was overworked, like back then, when Blair forced him to go film that covers even do he was sick, then he fainted too. But why doesn't he admit that he is sick?" Brook asks. "Maybe he is scared of or reaction?" Jack says. "But why, we are not going to murder him if he is sick" Brook says. "No, but I think that Jack has a point, but It's not the only thing, there is more. "How do you mean?" Jack asks. "Well, he is just acting weird, he is always busy, he wants to do everything and barely even sleep" says Mickey. "Yes, and when he sleeps he has nightmares and wake up screaming, but he never wants to tell what it is about" Brook added. "But what can we do?" Jack asks. "I don't know to be fair, It was difficult enough to get him to rest today" says Mickey "But we need to do something, it can't go like this much longer". "Indeed this situation isn't self-life" says Jack. Maybe it's better that we let him go home" Brook says "Then he can fully recover and maybe some time with his mother isn't that bad" says Brook. "No" I say. "Why not?" asks Jack. "If he doesn't tell it to us then he isn't going to tell it to his mother" I explain. "Why, it's his mother" Brook says. "Yes, but that doesn't mean anything, he is not going to tell it. And he doesn't have his memories back, so he needs to stay here. At another place he is not going to remember it" I say. "He has a point, the doctor said he needs a familiar surrounding to remember what happened" says Mickey. "But what can we do then" Jack asks. "Maybe we just need to talk to him, really talk and all of us together, and we don't leave before he says what's wrong" I suggest. "Maybe, we can try it" Brook says and look to the others. "Yeah, I think it's the only thing we can do" Jack says. "OK then we talk to him, but tomorrow, it's already late and it was a busy day, so I think we all best go to bed" Mickey says. We nod and say good night. Everybody leaves my room and go to his own room.

When everyone has left the room, I let myself fall on my bed. What a weird day. I look at the ceiling and instantly my mind drift off to Andy. "What is going on with you?" I ask myself. "What is going on in your head?". Mickey was right there is more, you don't just get sick like this, there need to be more. A long time I have the feeling he is hiding something, but what? And why? Like that one day, I got into the kitchen and it seems like he was taking pills, but Mickey had said to me that Andy didn't need pills any more, that he feels good. But I was not sure, so I didn't tell someone else, but he was acting strange when I ask him about it. And then the nightmares, he didn't tell anyone about them, but I am almost sure it's about the kidnapping, it has to be that, what can be otherwise?

I shouldn't have left him, I need him, more than anything. How could I act like he doesn't exist any more? I push away the person I love the most and why... because I am afraid. I hate myself, I hate myself... but I couldn't let that happen to him, he doesn't deserve it. But why I didn't fight for him, I could fight and have Andy, but I am too afraid. Why am I so an awful person, why, why, why? I hate myself so much. I put my head in my hands and I can't fight the tears any more. I look up, tears falling down my face and then I see the drawer, I walk towards it and pull it open. I throw out a few clothes to reveal the knife. I take it in my hand and go sit on my bed. I pull my sleeves and begin to cut.

What was that? I jump on in my bed, I definitely heard something. It came from the corridor. I throw my blankets off me and walk to the door. But when I opened it there is nobody, but the front door is open. I look in the hall, but there is nobody. I close the door and take a look in the bathroom, but there is nobody, so I walk to Brook and Jacks room, they're both in bed, the same bed. Why can Andy and I not lay in the same bed? I close the door again and walks to Andy and Mickey's room. I open the door and instantly knows Mickey is sleeping. Sometimes I ask myself how Andy can sleep with that snoring. But wait... where is Andy? His bed is empty, and he can't be in any other of the rooms, because I have just looked there. Where is he? Oh, no maybe he's...

A/N:
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