As we grow older and older...we realise why Allah has repeatedly told us to be good and kind to our parents, whether through Quran or Hadith. But this act of ours is considered to be one of the most rewarding act of worship. As a child , I used to get confused to why Allah has given it so much importance. I mean, who is there who cannot love and obey their parents. Who can dare defy what their parents are telling them ??
But as life passed by a little, I have been acknowledged by the profoundness , the wisdom behind these commands. Because, being a child, loving and obeying your parents, following every order of them is what seems best. You don't know anything and you , by default ,are bound to listen to them. Isn't it?
And now, when you've seen the realities of life, the struggles of survival,..the facade of happily ever after has been removed...you have gathered so much experiences and lessons that most of the time,...contradict to what your parents tell you. I am not saying either of them is wrong or right. But it contradicts. The way you think, the environment you got while being raised, the kind of circles you are in...your parents' thinking seems too mainstream or typically stereotyped. Then this world famous phenomenon of "generation gap" arrives at the doorstep. And you find it hard to convince your parents on going out for studies or job. Because according to them...you won't get an safe surroundings without them. They are parents after all ! And they will never consider you safe enough without them. They are oblivious to the horrors you've dealt behind their back ! Its obvious that they will try to protect you from "bad world" . But you can't understand their point of views neither will they , yours.
Even when you start practicing Islam seriously,...IN MOST OF FAMILIES...it is not welcomed wholeheartedly. The problems with desi household is that they won't digest difference in opinions easily. The culture dominated Islam is what they live in. But when you try to break the cultural tareeqe...they will take it as a blow straight on their nose. You are mocked, opposed or rather worse, forced to do biddah and acts of shirk. May Allah save us all. My own father still tells me to wrap 2 more blankets over my abaya sarcastically. But with time, we both know, either of us isn’t going to change this view. So it doesn’t matter anymore. When we learn something new, we are quite easy to accept if it seems truth. But on contrary , the old folks don’t easily apply changes, especially when we, “Kalke aaye bachhe “ are the ones asking them to change. Its their nature ! The most difficult people to convince are our family members. And many of us know this struggle to remain sane while doing Islah of our own family. Apart from this, our every decision, from food, to dresscodes to spouses everything somehow manages to look “unfit" to our parents. You love eating Italian food, but your parents will just call it some ridiculous name and they won’t even look at it. That’s okay ! They have every right to disagree. But all this while, it is a huge test for us, to keep our calm and remain a softspoken child to ‘em. Trust me, being obedient in such situations is far far away from possible. So, Allah subhanahuwata’ala says, that treat ‘em kindly, pray for them..make sure you serve them in the most beautiful way possible. EVEN IF THEY ANNOY YOU OR DON’T AGREE WITH YOU. Islam has given us so many stories which aren’t aren’t just for amusement or entertainment but for taking morals and lessons from them. Like, when Ibrahim AS addressed his father. A father who was throwing his son into fire for some idol. And he still calls such father...”Ya Abatee" “Oh my father,” with so much respect and love...so look back at yourself, are your parents anywhere near such cruelty? Of course NOT ! They still care for you, look after you, when you are sick, sit all night near your bed, cook for you, pay for your expenses...and what not ?! There’s no way we can completely repay them with our services. When they looked after us , it was love, adoration and a pleasure. But look at us, we consider it as a ‘duty' a mere ‘obligation’ As a child, we were as cranky, as sassy as they are now, but they tolerated us. Okay...few beatings won’t count...but still...at the end of the day, they hugged us to themselves and cried for their own actions. As humans, they have their own lackings, some toxic traits, some unresolved traumas. But they have worked so hard to give us what we have today. The education you got job on, the phone you’re reading this writeup from, might be the products of their earnings. Maybe they didn’t give you the emotional backup, but they might not have considered it important enough. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have missed it. Its the matter of mindsets and perspective as I always say. I find it comical sometimes, when my parents narrate their childhoods, I say,...’this was totally wrong way of grandma or grandpa to deal with you.’ The ones who brought me up, I find their upbringing improper. Again, that’s matter of mindsets and the way you approach to kids. And I learn why they are the way they are.
I’m not saying we are evil children. But we should be soft enough that, even when our ideologies don’t match, our parents should still feel respected and understood. Seriously, they never demand anything else apart from our respect, genuine care and a moment of simple glance and a soft smile, to know that they are still loved and cherished.
I would have enlisted all the quotations from Quran and Sunnah regarding the rights of parents. But I just wanted to speak about why Allah gives so much importance to this topic. Why He subhanahuwata’ala has promised a huge reward for those who are good to their parents...why disrespect to parents is the 6th major sin. Because He knows, that it won’t be easy. It will need a lot of self control, and generosity. A lot of patience and acknowledgement to remain best to the parents. He knows your struggles, everytime you drop the argument just for the sake of Allah. He knows. Just be sure...if you have parents, and you make them feel respected, cherished and honoured...you are on the right way...keep going. The reward awaits❤ And if you are reading this, and you are a parent,..please make it easy on your child, learn to learn new things and accept them if they are correct...even if its your greatgrandkids teaching you ! 😅.
