Do not rush into marriage. You may see people around you getting married, your family and friends might be pushing you to say yes finally...but don't give in yet. Take a pause. Look at yourself. Are YOU ready to get married? And by means of getting married I'm not talking about financial stability or if you can do multitasking at home.
Work on yourself before you make someone else enter your life. Its not easy to accommodate a whole new individual in your proximity while you're still coping up with your own traumas and toxicity. We often talk about the failed marriages, abusive relationships where one partner is little to more dealing with the negativity of his/her spouse. And this can be really exhausting for yourself, your families and if having, the kids too !
Check yourself if you can be patient even if somone doesn't act or behave like you wanted them to....if you can respect difference of opinions and mindsets. If you can politely express yourself without offending or without being offended. If the vibes and manhaj of aqeedah is in the same wavelength. From your sleeping habits, eating habits to the way you interact with people around you largely affects your relationship. Work on that. Don't marry someone just because you want to have some company or financial support or someone to talk your heart to. Trust me, if you're still coping up with traumas and toxicity of yourself, the relationship may get ruined as soon as the "honeymoon phase" ends. Your spouse to be isn't a counsellor. Neither can we make someone suffer even if they want to help us nonetheless.
And when you're finally at peace with yourself, find someone who's at peace with themselves. Ask them why are they choosing to marry you. Is it social responsibility, or they need someone to take care of their home and parents, or they want to fulfill the Sunnah. Ask them about the huqooq of Husband over wife and wife over husband. Ask them if they're willing to struggle for the marriage in darker times. Look if they're compassionate with the kids around them. Ask them if they can stay calm if the food served is not hot enough....ask them how long they can control their hunger without lashing out on things and people. Ask them how they see anger and short temper, something that should be avoided or something that's cool (?!) See if they get offended if corrected for mistakes. Check how they vent out the frustrations of workplace. Get to know if they let everyone have a good day, even if they have a bad day ! Look thoroughly and investigate. Stalk if possible....waisebhi, we girls don't stalk, we investigate, isn't it ? 😜😅
We've all seen abusive marriages, controlling spouses., men hitting wives, women stealing money from husbands, husbands giving preference to so called traditions over rights of his wife, marriages done for the sake to control an undisciplined son, marriages to bring an unpaid nurse+maid to serve the parents, marriages to get money or sometimes planned to get dowry, marriages just because the person looked "gentlemen" or in case of gilrs, "sweet obedient beautiful cow" ,women denying rights of husband....extra marital affairs, violences..and what not !
No ! Don't settle for anything that you don't have strength to bear. What we choose today will be hugely affecting our kids tomorrow. We need to give them a household that nourishes their soul, not that which sucks the life out of them. We need to provide them an environment where they don't fear anyone but Allah. They can breathe without the constant anxiety of seeing their parents yell and fight. We don't want to give them what many of us have gone through. We don't want them to grow with insecurities and trust issues, we don't want them to feel caged, waiting for their parents to leave or die.
So, for the sake of your unborn children, or maybe the ones whom you've given birth to , choose wisely...wait patiently.
Do not rush to marry because you're seeing some 15 year old talking to their partners on phone and you, a grown up adult is still watching cartoon 😁 don't marry because your tired of the Tazleel your Amma Abba are throwing at you. Be a little shameless here🙈 Don't marry because someone looks so handsome or beautiful that you fear they'll marry someone else, what's yours will find you no matter what. Don't marry because a married friend gives you lecturing for hours and shows you the win wins of marriage. Do not take such risk believing her. They are just trying to make it alluring.,but if you rush without thinking, it can be conjuring as well 🤷🏻♀️
Remember, marriage is way more than cooking and cleaning for him, getting dressed beautifully and planning to go for Hajj and Umrah as newlyweds. Its way more than late night talks and counting tasbeeh on each others fingers. Its about being vulnerably strong and carelessly truthful and honest in your conversation. Its something fearless and transparent. Its something for the sake of Allah...and nothing or no one else !
#WhenIThinkAboutGettingMarried
#TiredOfLectures
#Rants???
