Yes, there was a time when I used to feel disheartened when I refused to be the same even after someone did cause a hurt. When I thought that everything I do regarding someone in my own life, needs an explanation to that someone,even If I did it for their good. I don’t remember how many times I have apologised for something that harmed me actually,..I deserved that apology and instead I offered it ! Wallahi,...I still love and care for those who were in my life, even for short periods,..but I can’t get back to them now. Because I’ve realized that I need my self worth and peace more than they need me, or I need them. At this point of my life, I can clearly know why I did what I did. My Rabb knows my intentions, my Rabb knows, my choices and my helplessness. I don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology for it. No matter how much someone hates me for what I did, I don’t get bothered anymore. People’s feelings, view, approach towards me is worthless to me in front of my self care and respect. I still love them the way I used to do, and I will repeat all over everything if I need to,..but I will not belittle my choice, of being a little self conscious.
Rasulallah saw has said, Ihris Ala ma YanFa’oo, “be a little selfish in what benefits you" So I won’t let guilt and venoms thrown at me malign my own identity in my own eyes.
Those who think I hurt them by my choices, I didn’t. I just wish they could have known me well to know my decisions were more for them, than for me,...my happiness was at stake, still I remained rigid. So now, if someone still thinks that I had hurt them, I can’t help you ! I’m a mere human with tons of flaws, I’m no angel. I have my own limits, limits that I crossed, going out of the way to help someone, to be their comfort. But I couldn’t. We as humans, are like wildfires, whatever we get, its not enough for us. Even if the person in front of us is dealing with a sky filled with sorrow, we will still want them to smile and weigh our sorrows too. Sadly,..that’s the truth. We keep adding to their hurt. But there comes a time, when you cannot take it anymore. You HAVE to save yourself from breaking down completely.
Just know that even if you love them, care for their wellbeing, you don’t have to be the candle melting to give others light. You can be the Moon, that stays far away, yet becomes the beacon of light in someone’s darkness with your Dua.
#MyMessageToSoManySomeones
