The Right Choice.

29. "Think About It".

Turned out I was wrong, I couldn't hold my tears to myself. Out of nowhere I started crying and at first it wasn't noticeable because I was looking out at the street but then I was sobbing uncontrollably.

I tried to stop crying, I was making a fool of myself. I looked up and tried taking deep breaths but nothing I did stopped my hysterical crying. It was as if I entered into a state of shock and all the weight of my awful past choices and mistakes were being screened inside my head.

Lorenzo kept looking between me and the road, eyebrows furrowed, he didn't say anything. When I wouldn't stop he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me which reminded me of earlier in the alley. Without thinking I grabbed it and threw it out into the street.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Skyler??!" Lorenzo reacted to his probably expensive handkerchief now being run over by cars.

What the fuck, Me?? I needed to get it together. I was acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

As soon as the car pulled up in the hotel driveway I turned to Lorenzo and snapped "I'm Done!! With all this! I'm not helping you anymore!" Then literally jumped out of the car.

I ran across the lobby and into the nearest elevator, as I got in I saw Lorenzo rushing behind me to enter but I didn't want to let him in. "Come on you fucker" I cursed as I pressed on the button like a maniac for the door to close.

I had to be as far away from him as I could at that moment. I wanted to be away from everyone, I was confused, too many emotions and thoughts were running through me. It seemed like every time I start to think I was okay with what Lorenzo did for a living, he just tests my limits even further.

Why am I doing this again?

I've always known he was dangerous but tonight, for the first time I watched him Burn a person. He set a man on Fire! He didn't even flinch, he didn't show remorse, he didn't even let the poor man say any last words.

And although I had no idea why that man was murdered tonight, and absolutely no intention of finding out, I couldn't help but wonder, Could I really go through with this and finish my part of our deal? Would I really survive being Lorenzo's bait? Could I really live with myself knowing what I know now and perhaps what I will find out later? 

In the grand scheme of things, Was I making the right choice?

I pondered over the idea of bailing out on Lorenzo and running away altogether as the door opened and I made my way to my room. I couldn't just pack my bags and leave, Lorenzo would probably go all pyromaniac on my sorry ass too.

I just dropped a bomb on him and I was certain he's on his way to clarify what I just said. But talking to him about it Isn't an option, what would I say? 'Umm, excuse me Mister Mafia but like I saw you cook a man earlier and I just like can't support that kind of cannibalistic behavior, so like no hard feelings k bye luv ya' ??

Hell No! 

The weight of my thoughts managed to hold off my tears and my breathing regulated again, I walked to my room hoping to sleep and forget my sorrows.

I closed the room door behind me and leaned on it. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Why didn't I walk back inside the club after seeing him in that alley? Why didn't I turn a blind eye? I could've gone back to the dance floor and danced the night away with Luca.

I sat on the bed and took off my heels, as I massaged my feet, images of the man being burned alive kept coming to mind, I shook my head as if it dispersed the disturbing images. I moved on to jewelry when the door knocked loudly causing my heart to jump.