Iniwan ko si Kuya Jacob nang tawagin ako ni Bern. I know it was rude but I felt the need to escape.
Masama ba kung ayokong marinig yung mga sasabihin niya pa sana?
It's scary. Nakakatakot kasi hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko... kung anong sasabihin ko kung sakali.
Kung sakaling nagtapat siya.
"Something wrong?" Bern asked me when we reached the area outside the venue of the ball.
It was held in the gymnasium of the school but the whole place is not occupied since hindi naman ganun kadami ang Grade 12 students dito.
Rinig namin yung music pero mahina na. Abot din dito yung dancing lights pero hindi na masyadong nakakasilaw. It's a bit calm in comparison to the chaos happening inside me.
Kung kinakabahan ako kanina, parang times one hundred yung kaba ko ngayon. Hindi kasi si Harley o si Kuya Jacob yung kaharap ko.
It's Bern Anthony.
The guy I like for two years now.
Sabi niya may sasabihin siya sa'kin. Hindi ko naman sinabing may sasabihin din ako sa kanya.
If he's actually here because he wants me to help him do something for Irish--again, siguro mas mabuti kung ako na ang mauuna.
Ilang araw ko 'tong pinag-isipan. This is the first time I'm doing something without consulting my friends.
Alam naman nilang gusto kong gawin 'to... hindi nga lang nila alam na ngayong gabi ko gagawin.
Sa loob ng dalawang taon, dalawang beses lang akong nag-attempt na magtapat sa kanya.
The first one was when I was drunk. Hindi natuloy but I showed him something embarrassing but somehow became the reason why he remembered me.
The one who danced to Pusong Bato on Jean's eighteenth birthday.
He's clueless that my foolish act was for him. It was crazy and maybe stupid... but I did it for him.
Lasing man o hindi, I'll still do it if I was so desperate for his attention.
Mabuti nalang at pinagalitan ako ni Jean. Sama mo narin yung pinagtawanan ako ni Lisha at Roselle.
I owe my self-control to them.
The second one was when we were together at the beach. Noong nagsorry siya sa mga bagay na dapat hindi niya naman hingan ng patawad.
Not under the influence of alcohol kaya wala akong lakas ng loob. We also got interrupted so I decided that maybe it wasn't the right time to confess.
Baka ngayon yung tamang oras.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago siya tawagin. "Bern..."
Katunog ng salitang burn ang pangalan niya. Medyo associated sa unang beses na nakaramdam ako ng kakaiba para sa kanya. Well, fireworks can cause a burn right? Kaya siguro masakit. Like the time I assumed it was a date. Napaso talaga ako.
Bern burned me.
Nakakatawa pakinggan pero ramdam ko pa rin hanggang ngayon.
"Why?"
Nagtataka siguro siya kung bakit mukha akong may sasabihin eh siya nga 'tong pinutol ang nakakakabang pag-uusap namin ni Kuya Jacob kanina dahil may sasabihin dapat siya.
"I have a story. Will you listen to it?"
Elsa pahiram ng line. The rejection never bothered me anyway.
Kung masaktan man eh 'di go. Nasasaktan narin naman ako.
Ang stubborn ko tonight. First with Harley. Yung kung ayaw niyang sabihin eh 'di wag. Hindi ako namilit. First and last chance niya na 'yon.
Tapos ngayon naman with Bern. Yung kung papayag man siya o hindi, sasabihin ko pa rin.
Handang-handa na ako.
Kung hindi pa 'to matuloy, ewan ko nalang talaga.
"Of course."
Naiimagine kong ganito rin siguro ang expression niya when he agreed to answer those questions na para sa Practical Research naming hindi pa naman nasisimulan.
And that heart on my profile picture for a subject na next semester pa.
I did Plan A and B. I'm skipping the remaining plans. Diretso Z na.
Pumikit pa ako. Conditioning my mind and calming my heart. Bumubwelo. Nagbabakasaking tumaas pa ang tapang na nasa sistema ko ngayon.
I opened my eyes and met his. He gave me a smile, clueless of how that small gesture encouraged me.
"I saw this guy on the morning before Christmas. Maniwala ka man o hindi... he created a fireworks display in broad daylight." panimula ko.
