His Other Life

Chapter:14

"Ivy? What are you doing here?"

"I came here to talk."

"Anong sasabihin mo? Maupo ka muna." He got up pero I stopped him.

"Hindi ako magtatagal. I just need to...inform you about some stuff and I hope you let me talk."

"Ano 'yon?"

Tinignan ko siya sa mata at napatitig ako, hinahanap ko 'yung Papa ko na laging andiyan para sa'kin kapag kailangan ko siya.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Celebrity!"

"That's good." Papa hugged me then kinandong niya ako. "Make your dreams come true anak...susuportahan kita hanggang sa kaya ko."

Pero of course hindi 'yan nangyari. Ganito talaga 'yan.

"Anak anong gusto mo kapag lumaki ka na?"

"Artista po." Nginitian ko si Mama habang binabantayan ko si Iyah.

"That's good." Tiniklop niya ang mga damit na ibebenta bukas sa palengke. "Matutupad mo rin 'yan dahil andito ako sa tabi mo lagi. Susuportahan ko kayong lahat sa kung anong gusto niyo."

"Gusto kong maging teacher." Sabat ni Kuya.

"Maganda rin 'yan, Iyan."

"Ivy?"

"Huh?"

"You've been standing there for 15 minutes now." Papa said then arched his neck.

"Ahh yes...pwede bang ako lang ang iimik?" He nodded so I took in a deep breathe.

You're strong, Ivy. You're better than what he says.

Strong.

"I believe you are a smart man, Papa." Tumango siya. "Pero alam ko rin na may mga bagay na hindi kagandahan. Lalo na sa'yo." Na matanda kang hayop ka. "A father...supports and guides his children, not make fun of what they want to be. Papa kung alam mo lang kung anong dinadaanan ngayon ni Iyah para lang makapasa. Ang dinadaanan ni Kuya Iyan para macontrol ang mga estudyante niya. At ang ginagawa ko para makahanap ng mas maayos na trabaho kasi kulang pa sa kulang ang gastos ko sa bayarin sa bahay, isama mo pa 'yung kay Mama at Kuya pero wala pa rin."

Napatakip ako sa bibig ko para hindi ako humagulgol.

"I don't know why I still love you...because I want to hate you. I just can't hate you because I always tend to forgive you dahil anak mo ako. Kahit hindi halata na pinapatawad kita pero ginagawa ko pa rin. Why couldn't I even resist you as my father pero hindi mo naman kami pinapahalagahan."

I turned around to collect some air. My heart aches, because I just can't be the daughter he desired me to be. Humarap ulit ako sa kaniya pero ngayon...I don't feel anything.

"I'm sorry dahil hindi ko naabot ang expectations mo because this is all I've got. Ganito lang ang nakaya ko kaya kung hindi mo ako tanggap then that's ok. I've realized that I don't need to be the daughter you expected but I needed to be the woman that is fated for me."

"Ivy..."

Hinintay ko ang sasabihin niya, it seems like I did it. I hit him where he would bleed the most. Papa never liked hearing self-doubt. Baka 'yon ang dahilan kung bakit siya ganyan.

"I'm sorry din...because I didn't become the father I promised I'd be. Alam kong nasasaktan ko kayo pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Out of all the three of you, ikaw lang ang may alam at nakakaintindi sa'kin....kaya it kills me that I can hear from your mouth that you think you failed as my daughter. Ivy ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung bakit ako ganito...I didn't want you to find out my secret."

Aksidente niyang nailock ang pinto ng Tito Dane ko. Tito was 3 months old when he died because of suffocation. Papa wanted to kill himself dahil sobra siyang guilty. I knew he was more sensitive with emotions pero I still doubted him. Ang sama ko talaga bilang anak.

"Sorry din dahil sa lahat ng milestones niyong tatlo...I was never there. I just didn't want to show myself in front of you three because I didn't become that best dad."

Lumapit ako sa lamesa niya at ngumiti ng tipid.

"You didn't need to become the 'best' dad, all I want to know is...minahal niyo ba kami? Ever in your life?"

"Yes. Alam mo naman na kahit sinong ama ay mahal talaga ang anak nila."

"I know." I already knew this a long time ago. "I hope mas maging mabuti kang ama para sa'min...kahit 'yun lang, Papa. We'll be happy to accept you again if you do so."

"I can't make promises." He got up and patted my head. "But I'll try...for you."

Niyakap ko siya at ngumiti. I missed the feeling of hugging Papa lalo na kapag hindi pilit. I might have been miserable pero paano siya? May business nga siya pero hindi naman siya close sa mga anak niya...edi wala rin naman. Bumitaw ako at tinignan siya.

"Be a better man now, for the sake of Tito Dane." It was a sensitive topic pero alam kong magiging mabuti na siya. He's my superman after all.