Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

I Just Wish That You Had Called, Cause I Would Have Said It All

(Song- Long Lost Friends - Transit)
(TW: near panic attack)

Another week of attorney conversations, discussing what would be discussed at the court date, what type of visitation schedule Alex was comfortable with, supervised visits? Unsupervised? Alex didn't think Ellie would just run off with Elise, especially if full custody was granted do him, because then she'd be breaking the law and kidnapping. So unsupervised visits were okay with him. Oddly enough, Ellie's attorney was sort of being suspiciously okay with everything presented to him. Alex wondered why. Would that be good for him or good for her? Was she planning something, or did she just not care? He was going with the latter. She just didn't give a shit. She dumped Elise and didn't look back and hasn't called since, not in the two weeks since it happened.
A court date is scheduled for January 29th at 9 AM. That's a little over one week from now. 

Alex: Ri, we have a date. The 29th. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Not coming in to school today, too much shit with the attorney. Jack say anything? 

Rian: He hasn't been around. He's avoiding me still. 

Alex: Wonderful. He avoids me too but he keeps looking at me when we pass...I haven't texted him or called him. I don't know what to even say...hey sorry I lied about having a baby before I fucked you?

Rian: I don't know what you'd say either, honestly dude. You gonna be here tomorrow?

Alex: Yeah, I have to be. I've missed a day of school each week since this happened. I can't miss any more. I missed too many days last semester so I'll fuck myself over. My mom's got her during the days so I'm all good there.

Rian: Cool, see you tomorrow.

Alex took Elise home and carried her straight up to his room. He laid her on the bed next to him and smiled at her, "Hey lovebug. You know that daddy, gramma and papa are all going to figure this out, and there will be no more drama after this? You and me can just be happy little campers." He cooed at her, watching her sweet little eyes stare up at him as she kicks her feet with a smile.
"You're so sweet. You know how much I love you? I love you so so so much. More than I can even ever say in words." He grinned, kissing her forehead. 
"Wanna hear daddy sing to you? Daddy is missing his friend Jack. Daddy really wants to talk to him, but I think that he's mad at me. So let's sing about him instead, okay? Sound good?" He smiled at her little coos and squeals.
"Good deal." He responded to her.


'How long do you have to say that

This is not the person I used to know
You're not the person I used to know

So go on, go on
Go on

Because lately you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost
And isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most (missing who at all)
I just wish that you had called, cause I would have said it all
I just wish that you had called, cause I would have said it all

Oh I never was a man of many words
Mostly when they mattered most
Mostly when you mattered most

So go on, go on
Go on

Because lately you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost
And isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most (missing who at all)
I just wish you had called, cause I would have said it all
I just wish you had called, cause I would have said it all

In my dreams you run back to me (my long lost friend)
Isn't it amazing in this world that anyone can love anyone at all?
Anyone at all

Lately you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost
and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most
I just wish that you had called cause I would have said it all
I just wish that you had called cause I would have said it all'


He looked down at Elise who had her eyes closed, probably about to fall asleep. He got up and changed into shorts and a shirt, then sat down and stared at his phone, looking at the last text from Jack, where he said goodnight with the kissing emoji, and the text before that, Jack was calling him Sexy Lexi. God he wished he could go back to that day and do things differently. Agree to a date and let Jack know beforehand that he has a child. Why was that such a hard thing for him to do? Oh yeah. Because he's himself and he can't do anything right.

Alex laid on his bed with Elise for a while, waiting for her to wake up, then taking her downstairs to feed her when she did.
He wanted company but he didn't want to see anyone. Contradictory. 
He looked at Elise and sighed, "I don't know what to do here baby girl. What do I do? Do I message him and apologize? Do I try to talk to him in person? Do I just leave him alone and let him come to me if he ever does?"
Elise stared up at her dad, giving him her classic smiles.


The rest of the night Alex spent in a low depression. What the hell was he supposed to do here?
Does he even try to handle it while everything with custody over his daughter is going on? Does he never do anything about it at all? What is there to do?
He didn't sleep til about 5 AM. 
School the next morning was fucking rough. It didn't help that Elise woke up three times in the night, so even if Alex had gotten some sleep, it wouldn't be much more than he had anyway. 
Roughly an hour and a half. 
Alex trudged his way into the front gate and met Rian, not saying hi as he dragged himself to his locker, looking beaten all to hell, exhausted, done.
Rian followed him and put a hand on his shoulder while Alex put his things away, "You alright?" He asked.
Alex shook his head. Bad day. He knew what would surely come at some point. 
Rian did too. He saw that distant look in Alex's eyes. The one he got when he wasn't rested or stressed out. Two things that lead to panic attacks, and he's both right now. 
"Okay, well let's stay calm today then okay? Then you can go home and sleep. I'll come help with Elise. Did you sleep at all last night?" Rian put his arm around Alex's shoulders. Alex leaned his head on Rian's, "Like an hour. Ish." He mumbled sleepily.
Rian nodded and walked Alex over to the benches and sat down, "Alright, well let's sit here then until class starts. Just relax, okay?" He rubbed Alex's back.
Alex curled up against Rian and closed his eyes, trying to de-stress. It wasn't working, but he was trying. 
Rian sighed. The purple bags under Alex's eyes, the distance in them like he clearly wasn't connecting to anything, the lack of expression or monotone voice. This worried Rian all to hell. He's seen this before.

Jack walked by, glancing at Rian, then at Alex. He paused for a moment, but kept walking. Alex's eyes were closed anyway. He'd been contemplating talking to Alex for the past few days, but seeing Alex like this, it didn't seem like a good time. So he wouldn't.
He'd been missing the hell out of that caramel haired boy, though. So what if he had a baby? The only thing that worried him about that entire thing is first, the fact that Alex didn't just tell him. Second, the fact that he's only 16. Alex is 17, and he's more responsible than Jack has ever been in his entire life. So what is he supposed to do? Fall in love with the beautiful boy with the child, get close to him, get close to the child, and then fuck it up somehow because he has no clue what he's doing? Then there's the thought that Alex probably doesn't know what he's doing half the time either, but he does it anyway. It's different though, since Alex is the baby's dad. They have a bond. He knows her like no one else ever will. Then there's Jack. The outside stranger really trying to fall in love with this baby's daddy.
Rian just sighed a little when Jack walked by. He understood, he really wished that he'd talk to Alex. This was just another thing that was going to add to his best friend's issues. 
He looked down at Alex, "Hey...Come on dude, bell is gonna ring." Rian shook Alex a little.
Alex opened his eyes and groaned "I can't do it Rian. I can't." He rubbed his eyes and stood up, stumbling a little. He felt like he was just a walking corpse. 

Alex fell asleep during English class, but Mr. Green understood, since he was there the day that Elise was so abruptly handed off to Alex, so he let him sleep and gave him the chapter to read and his assignments that he missed in class to do at home. Alex was passed out at lunch too, laying on the bench with his head on Rian's lap. 
Rian saw Jack walk by again, hesitating when he saw Alex completely out cold. He walked over to Rian.
"Hey..." Jack started out awkwardly, "Is..Is he okay?" He asked, looking down at Alex. Alex just looked dead to him.
Rian shook his head, "Nope. Are you ever going to talk to him?" He asked while taking another bite of his sandwich, then looking down at his sleeping best friend.
Jack sighed, "Yeah. I am. I just don't know how to process everything, and clearly he doesn't either...So please don't get mad at me or whatever because I'm trying to figure out what to do. I don't want to jump into everything with him and then wind up fucking up and breaking his heart later while bringing a kid who might grow to like me down too. That's gotta make sense, right? So just please. Let me think. Don't tell him I asked about him." He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to walk away.
"Hey, Jack" Rian called. Jack turned to look at him. "You're doing the right thing. Just, know that he's kind of on a really fragile bridge right now. Okay? So be careful with him." 
Jack nodded, "Okay." He walked away to find his table of friends.

Being at home wasn't easier for Alex. Sure, Rian was there helping with Elise, and he'd taken a decent nap and got his English assignment done, but things weren't right. He equated it to the stress. His heart was pounding constantly, and he couldn't focus. Like a camera lens that just wouldn't focus on the things it needed to. His vision seemed constantly hazy. Migraines were happening more frequently, even without the panic attacks associated with them. 
He sat on the floor in his room, back pressed against the wall, knees to his chest. 
Alex wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging himself. He looked around the room, feeling himself get dizzy again. There was a painful pit in his stomach that wouldn't stop throbbing, making his stomach churn. The lump in his throat was painful. 
'No...No...No...Don't do it.' His mind said. Whether that was him thinking it or a part of his subconscious, he didn't know. 
'Don't panic' His mind said again.
That was all it took though. When someone tells you not to cry, or not to do something, you usually wind up doing it.
Alex hid his face in his knees and sobbed, letting out loud, angry, sad sobs. 
What the hell happened to everything? What the hell is happening now?
Alex knows he isn't feeling like himself, but everything is so horrible right now anyway that it's got to be stress. It's just got to be the stress, right?
Right.